Wixed, thanks for the kind words, but I'm honestly not sure I can contribute much to the ongoing question of "which caliber is best?" I feel it's a very personal decision one makes by weighing the available data and going with what is most comfortable to the shooter; "Comfort" both in the physical, as well as the emotional sense of protection one gets from their gun. IE, if one has it set in their mind that a .40 S&W (for instance) is the be-all and end-all best caliber, they're not going to be comfortable carrying a 9mm just because someone on a forum said it was just as effective, even if all the data in the world supported that conclusion.
Personally I take the boring old approach of saying that any caliber of .380 and up is sufficient to do the job of civilian personal protection, as long as the shooter can put the bullets on target in a stressful situation.
Beyond that, I feel one should get a gun that you enjoy shooting, can be carried comfortably, and is reliable. The particular gun or caliber doesn't matter all that much, as long as you can use it well.
The gun may also have some bearing on caliber choice: If one is shooting a heavy, steel gun it may very well damp out the recoil pulse of a heavier caliber making it more acceptable to the shooter. I don't particularly "enjoy" shooting my LCP (or even the blowback-operated Sig P232) all that much, since these light guns don't dampen the .380 recoil. But those guns serve a specific purpose, and "fun to shoot" isn't very high on their priority list.
Then there are oddballs like the Glock 30 and Walther PPS (9mm), that seem to absorb more recoil than you think they would, considering the mass of the gun and the caliber it's shooting. (I've never shot a .40 S&W PPS, so can't comment on that.) Grip shape and ergonomics will have some affect on "felt" recoil too, of course. Again back to that "comfortable" thing.
The reason I like big, slow bullets as mentioned above is that I think there's a greater risk of over penetration with fast, light bullets. Yes, hollowpoints will expand (hopefully), but I've read enough wound ballistics stuff to realize you never know what's going to happen. I feel I have a better chance with a bullet that starts out bigger, and that a heavier bullet has a better chance of not being deflected off course once penetration does occur. But I also have several carry guns, in .380, .38, 9mm, .44 Special, and .45 ACP, so I'm not wedded to one platform.
I'm also not a LEO, so don't worry about things like shooting through car doors or at fleeing suspects. For similar reasons I don't put a premium on capacity; I'm not going to laying down suppressive fire, or taking on a group of highly trained ninja assassins in my daily travels. In fact, we don't even have significant gang activity in this area. Again, personal situation and choices contributing to a final decision that makes sense for the individual.
Some people really enjoy reading all the numbers, "doing the math" and coming up with these great rating systems for terminal performance, etc. That's great! Another aspect of the sport to be enjoyed. If that gives one "comfort" in carrying a particular round or gun over another, it's as valid as any other criteria. Hopefully you're never going to have to use that CCW gun for its intended purpose in the first place.
-- Sam