Where do you want to retire???

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Bear Paw Jack

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 19, 2001
Messages
9,593
Location
Alaska, Idaho USA
You can retire to Arizona where…

1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

-OR-

You can retire to California where…

1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

-OR-

You can retire to New York City where…

1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression

-OR-

You can retire to Minnesota where…

1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

-OR-

You can retire to The Deep South where.

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin " is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder. ”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!

-OR-

You can move to Colorado where…

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail .

-OR-

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where…

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end every sentence with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?”

-OR-

FINALLY you can retire to Florida where…

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


Thought I better add, this is meant as HUMOR!!! :D
 

Colonel Daddy

Buckeye
Joined
Apr 5, 2005
Messages
1,473
Location
Piney Woods of Northwest Florida
We retired to Florida, within 40 miles of the place we were born. Our current retirement home is the house we built in the mid 1970's. No, no, no! Not South Florida. Not central Fla but the far western tip of the state known as the Panhandle. We are closer to Mobile Alabama than we are to the Florida State Capitol
 

Jeepnik

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 16, 2005
Messages
5,686
Location
On the beach and in the hills
Just can’t find better weather than where I’m living. Almost added the “at”. How many of you living in most of the places mentioned (Florida is the exception ) went to the beach earlier this month? Without leaving the state where you reside.
 

Mobuck

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 25, 2007
Messages
7,562
Location
missouri
I "retired" to the same place I've lived all my life. I complain about mud in the spring, rain in April, heat in August, rain again in October, and ice/snow in January but it's easier than moving to some other place where the complaints are only marginally different.
I have no idea what "real retirement" is like since I still have all the work I can handle right outside my back door. Sometimes I envy those who toss the keys on the desk and walk away into "never go back retirement". Most of the time I pity those folks who now have nothing to do but watch themselves get older.
 

fas111

Bearcat
Joined
Dec 2, 2008
Messages
37
Loved the deep South one. It is spot on. We live in Rock Hill, SC best place ever.
 

bobski

Hunter
Joined
Oct 18, 2012
Messages
2,852
Location
Ct., Va., & Vanzant, Mo.
my grandmother ran a farm. my mother worked it during ww2.
g-mom told my mom night time stories how the animals would talk to the farmers.
it went like this....

the rooster would say in the morning:
"work-work-work, for NOTH...ing!"

and the geese would hiss......:
"your quite right your quite right youre quite right."

when mom told me these stories, I didn't understand them.
but since having a farm in mo, it all makes sense now.
 
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
8,055
Location
Dallas, TX
We aren’t retired yet, but when we do, my wife and I plan on staying right here in Texas. Not Dallas though, property tax and school tax are too high. We did buy some land out in the country and have ideas about building a house.
 

Colonialgirl

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
7,885
Location
Wesley Chapel, Florida
bobski said:
florida seasons.....
hurricane season, clean up season, rebuild season, sink hole season.
traffic jams are caused mostly by funeral motorcades.


You left out traffic jams caused by SNOWBIRDS in the late Fall and Winter Months and those traffic jams INCLUDE checkout lines in the grocery stores no matter what brand.
 

toysoldier

Hunter
Joined
Aug 23, 2006
Messages
3,332
Location
Hutchinson, KS USA
Kansas weather:
Hot and windy
Wet and windy
Cold and windy
Dry and windy

And for traffic---I can pull up to Main Street from a cross street, no traffic light, and wait no longer than 30 seconds before being able to make a left turn.
 

bobski

Hunter
Joined
Oct 18, 2012
Messages
2,852
Location
Ct., Va., & Vanzant, Mo.
im not telling anyone where im retiring to. I don't want anyone to find out and follow me to the good deal and ruin it.
I can say this, youre really retired when the only way to get to the hospital in time if injured, is by chopper.
its a big business in the Midwest.
you join and pay memberships!
 
Joined
Oct 26, 2006
Messages
9,475
Location
Woodbury, Tn
I bought my farm years ago, raised horses, goats, chickens , rheas, Shetland sheep, llamas, ducks, dogs and cats! Now I raise nothing. I have one dog and one cat. More deer, woodcock, and the usual stray turkey, squirrel, raccoon, possum, skunk and Armadillo. Retired means I don’t HAVE to do anything, but pick up a 1099 job now and then for mad money. The weather doesn’t matter, I have worked in the Arctic, and the desert. I adapt!
gramps
 

Jeepnik

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 16, 2005
Messages
5,686
Location
On the beach and in the hills
Colonialgirl said:
Jimbo357mag said:
Florida where it is too hot to go outside for about half the year. :D :D

Jimbo; That's ONLY in South Florida !!

Fort Walton Beach isn’t south Florida. But when I was stationed there spring break resulted in some pretty crazy crowds. Of course for the single GI’s it was a happy hunting ground.
 

375supermag

Single-Sixer
Joined
Jan 1, 2013
Messages
499
Hi...
I retired 2-1/2 years ago right here in southcentral Pennsylvania where I have lived my entire life.
When it is too hot, I stay in the air conditioned house. When it's too cold, I stay in the warm house. When it's raining, I stay in the dry house. When it's snowy and icy, I stay inside.

When it's nice outside in the spring and summer, I work in the yard and garden when I feel like it. When something needs maintenance or repaired, I do it when I feel like it.

I run the dogs four or five times a day on my own property.
When I feel like it, I go to one of the gun clubs where I have memberships and shoot my guns and visit with other shooters.
I spend a lot of time in my reloading room two or three days a week. I do a lot of studying military history(WWII) and paleontology online and in my library/den/study.

I worked for almost 46 years...made a fairly decent living and I only do what I want to do now. I earned it and I am thoroughly enjoying my retirement.
The ridiculous shutdowns forced on us by the government over this Wuhan flu have kept me from being able to travel to museums and Knob Creek this year and that makes me angry at my government.

I have zero intention of ever working for anybody other than myself for the rest of my life.
 

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