My daughter in law 'doesn't believe in spanking'. Her response to her children misbehaving was a 'prayer break'. One day Grandson exceeded his limit with me and when I blew up he asked if we could pray for him to act better. I gained self control and told him he'd better pray I didn't break off a very big tree branch with which to flail his misbehaving little butt. Pretty sure he went straight home and repeated this comment. :oops:
Children with and without good manners
- Thread starter Watertender
- Start date
I admit to not being all that old at 52 but I will tell folks about home training. Younger people ask what is that? I just say that is when parent would slap the yugo out of you if you misbehaved too much in public and more so if you are guest in someone's home. But, there is a lot of truth that you almost can't punish kids these days sadly...
cutlassguy1976
Single-Sixer
My parents taught all 8 of us perfect table manners, if you belched, farted, elbows on the table, didn't have clean hands, made obnoxious noises, acted up in any way you'd only do it once. We had to ask to be excused from the table when we "thought" we were done.
I have no complaints about the way I was raised, I'm glad they took the time to teach us how to act like normal civilized polite adults. Now if we go out to a restaurant or some function where a meal is involved, I usually have to stare at my plate so as not to see how some of the general public generally eat and sound like a bunch of disgusting pigs.
We were at a friends house. My youngest was about 4 and he took the baby powder for their baby and shook it all over the house (that he could get to. Told him to apologize, silence, told him to again, silence I spanked him, silence, told him to to apologize again he said I can't say that, I spanked him again. Now he is crying, apologize silence and tears. Do you want another spanking, head Shaked no, then apologize. I'm sorry. She was gracious all it took was some vacuuming to get it up (which he could do.
Some kids are tough some are easier. He was pretty tough to raise. He a paramedic today and a really good guy.
OP
I gave my son an occasional swat but only one real spanking when he was young.
When he was a teenager and did a couple of really stupid things, one of which I got called to school for. We had a "discussion" twice where he found out that I would not put up with certain things. Once at 14 and the other at 16.
When he was 14 some kid bet him a dollar that he wouldn't slap another kid in the cafeteria... He did and I got called to school. It was my day off and I went to the school with my hat in my hand over his behavior. I was allowed to take him home and in the school parking lot I took 3 dollar bills out of my pocket and asked if he had been given the money from the bet. I handed him a dollar and he asked why... I hauled off and cupped hand slapped him. It shocked him and I handed him another dollar complete with another whack but with more vigor. I gave him the 3rd dollar accompanied by another good thump. He was bawling like crazy and I asked if he wanted any more money because I was willing to give it to him if he did... He didn't..
When he was 16 there were some prescription medications missing from the house and he gave me some smart talk about it. I told him that he was going to take a drug test and he said he wasn't. I had bought the drug test when I found the stuff missing because the prescription had been filled 4 days before and found the bottle of 24 tablets with 3 left. I might not have noticed except that the bottle was in the wrong spot in the medicine cabinet.
He told me that he didn't have to take the test and that he would give me the money for the medication if I was so upset about it. I "convinced" him that it was in his best interest to take the test which not only showed that he had taken at least some of what was missing but also that he had used marijuana.
I told him if he wanted to end up like my brother that he had a good head start and I wasn't going to put up with it.
That was when I got him to go to the trade school and not turn into something like his uncle.
Yeah, me too. Forgot about that one. ;)
One of the worst forms of child abuse is to let kids growi up with a need to respect others and think they are the center of the universe.
That's when you tell the welfare people that they can just keep the brat! See how they like putting up with 'em. And see how the kid likes their new custodians.
OP
L
Some of the staff in the unit knew how to handle them while others were clueless. The supervising nurses knew that I had worked in a maximum security prison for many years and would call me for certain things.
Once they had 14 year old who was totally out of control. They wanted the door to his room removed so he could be seen at all times. He was throwing a tantrum while I was taking the door off and attacked one of the clueless aides. He was a big fat soft kid who was at least 250lbs and the aide was a petite young girl.
When he went after the aide it was all available staff to the unit to help stop the kid. I was one of the first to go after him. By the time we had him strapped to a restraint bed he had bitten a couple of staff members and spit on us. He was kicking and screaming the entire time. After he was secured to the bed he intentionally messed himself. I left the unit at that point and don't know how long he was left in his dirty pants but I hope it was all night...
The 1st hospital that I worked at had a unit for uncontrollable kids from 8 to 16. Most of them had never been told NO in their lives and the way they acted reminds me of the nephew who is a little tyrant and absolute jerk.
Some of the staff in the unit knew how to handle them while others were clueless. The supervising nurses knew that I had worked in a maximum security prison for many years and would call me for certain things.
Once they had 14 year old who was totally out of control. They wanted the door to his room removed so he could be seen at all times. He was throwing a tantrum while I was taking the door off and attacked one of the clueless aides. He was a big fat soft kid who was at least 250lbs and the aide was a petite young girl.
When he went after the aide it was all available staff to the unit to help stop the kid. I was one of the first to go after him. By the time we had him strapped to a restraint bed he had bitten a couple of staff members and spit on us. He was kicking and screaming the entire time. After he was secured to the bed he intentionally messed himself. I left the unit at that point and don't know how long he was left in his dirty pants but I hope it was all night...
contender
Ruger Guru
Long ago,, I had an older kid in my BSA Troop. He was 15 at the time. He was to go on a week long trip with our group, for canoeing, camping, fishing etc in the swamps of Florida.
He was always a bit of a "pick on kids, bratty type." He was not a small kid either. His Dad told me before we left; "I can't control him anymore. You have my full permission to do whatever you need to to keep him in line." I pulled the dad aside,, and had a very serious discussion. I allowed how I would not beat him, or anything like that, but that I had methods that would make him stay in line & obey me. His dad gave me his permission in writing at my request.
And this was long ago,, and child welfare wasn't something that was even considered.
Well, as we were driving to Florida,,, he started his picking & being a bit of a PIA. I told him to stop it. He didn't. I then told him that one more issue, and I'd handcuff him to the seat. He didn't believe me. Yep,, he got cuffed to the seat frame between his legs. He smarted off & said; "Hah,, you can't handcuff my mouth!" Well, out came the Duct Tape, and a single strip across his mouth. He wiggled & squirmed until he go it loose. He laughed. I then wrapped it all the way around his head as I covered his mouth. After about 2 hours of him in that position, (and to the delight of the other boys,,) a peaceful 2 hours, he whimpered enough until I finally looked at him & asked him if he wanted me to remove the tape. He did, so I ripped it off. THAT smarted him a bit!
But I left him cuffed,, on the condition he behaved, or I'd re-tape him. About an hour later,, we stopped for gas & lunch. I un-cuffed him for that. When we went to get back on the road,, he tried getting into a different seat away from me. After we got on the road,, I calmly told the boys near him to move aside so I could re-cuff him. He BEGGED me to NOT cuff him again.
I said I would not,, if he moved back to the front of the van, (within my reach,) AND he behave. He did pretty good the rest of the trip down. Upon arrival,, I did a surprise "shakedown" of their pack contents. I found a carton of cigarettes, and a roll of "dip" he had tried to sneak by me. Confiscated. (I tried to give them to his Dad upon our return, and he told me to dispose of them.)
He gave me a few issues that week, and I cuffed him to a tree for a few hours. He stopped being a PIA for the rest of the trip. All I had to do was pick up the cuffs,, and say; "Not again,, or you'll wear these again."
Several years later,, he called me out of the blue. He wanted me to help him out. he'd gotten married,, and knew that I knew a lot about real estate, and that Miss Penny was a RE Broker. He was looking to buy a home and came to us. He also APOLOGIZED for his stupidity,, and how I had been the only guy who'd ever really beat him at his attitude problems. He actually thanked me for how I had handled him.
We helped him find a home & then later on I found out he'd taken a job in another state & had moved. But apparently,, he'd grown out of his youthful attitude,, with a little help.
He was always a bit of a "pick on kids, bratty type." He was not a small kid either. His Dad told me before we left; "I can't control him anymore. You have my full permission to do whatever you need to to keep him in line." I pulled the dad aside,, and had a very serious discussion. I allowed how I would not beat him, or anything like that, but that I had methods that would make him stay in line & obey me. His dad gave me his permission in writing at my request.
And this was long ago,, and child welfare wasn't something that was even considered.
Well, as we were driving to Florida,,, he started his picking & being a bit of a PIA. I told him to stop it. He didn't. I then told him that one more issue, and I'd handcuff him to the seat. He didn't believe me. Yep,, he got cuffed to the seat frame between his legs. He smarted off & said; "Hah,, you can't handcuff my mouth!" Well, out came the Duct Tape, and a single strip across his mouth. He wiggled & squirmed until he go it loose. He laughed. I then wrapped it all the way around his head as I covered his mouth. After about 2 hours of him in that position, (and to the delight of the other boys,,) a peaceful 2 hours, he whimpered enough until I finally looked at him & asked him if he wanted me to remove the tape. He did, so I ripped it off. THAT smarted him a bit!
But I left him cuffed,, on the condition he behaved, or I'd re-tape him. About an hour later,, we stopped for gas & lunch. I un-cuffed him for that. When we went to get back on the road,, he tried getting into a different seat away from me. After we got on the road,, I calmly told the boys near him to move aside so I could re-cuff him. He BEGGED me to NOT cuff him again.
I said I would not,, if he moved back to the front of the van, (within my reach,) AND he behave. He did pretty good the rest of the trip down. Upon arrival,, I did a surprise "shakedown" of their pack contents. I found a carton of cigarettes, and a roll of "dip" he had tried to sneak by me. Confiscated. (I tried to give them to his Dad upon our return, and he told me to dispose of them.)
He gave me a few issues that week, and I cuffed him to a tree for a few hours. He stopped being a PIA for the rest of the trip. All I had to do was pick up the cuffs,, and say; "Not again,, or you'll wear these again."
Several years later,, he called me out of the blue. He wanted me to help him out. he'd gotten married,, and knew that I knew a lot about real estate, and that Miss Penny was a RE Broker. He was looking to buy a home and came to us. He also APOLOGIZED for his stupidity,, and how I had been the only guy who'd ever really beat him at his attitude problems. He actually thanked me for how I had handled him.
We helped him find a home & then later on I found out he'd taken a job in another state & had moved. But apparently,, he'd grown out of his youthful attitude,, with a little help.
GasGuzzler
Hawkeye
Happened to my wife and I several times. My four kids were born between September of 2002 and April of 2010 so many times we had four under the age of ten and they did fine most times.
jules
Single-Sixer
Can't blame the children.
GasGuzzler
Hawkeye
Sure can. People are supposed to adapt.
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OP
Today the family is coming to my house for a birthday party for my 94 year old father in law. I told my wife that if the nephew misbehaves his parents are going to discipline him or they are being told to leave.
I didn't say anything when he acted up at my father in laws at Easter but they are coming to my house and I refuse to put up with a spoiled little tyrant.
I want the kid to stay as far away from me as possible because I will be sorely tempted to give him the kick in the ass that he desperately needs....
I didn't say anything when he acted up at my father in laws at Easter but they are coming to my house and I refuse to put up with a spoiled little tyrant.
I want the kid to stay as far away from me as possible because I will be sorely tempted to give him the kick in the ass that he desperately needs....
OP
The kid behaved just as I thought he would. I refused to accept his behavior and told his parents in no uncertain terms that he was going to act properly or they were going to have to leave.
When he tried to stand on the table I went off on him and both of his parents. I told them that they have created an undisciplined little tyrant and that at MY house he was going to be decent or be GONE.
My wife started to get upset with me so I told her that someone had to straighten out the problem and I wasn't putting up with it at our house.
The parents made the kid sit in the car and everything settled down into a pleasant time. He refused to eat but that's their problem. I didn't make anything special for him and told the kid that if he didn't like the food he could go hungry.
My father in law and brother in law both thanked me for taking a stand and making the parents do something about the little monster.
Afterwards my wife even realized that I was right in speaking out and making her sister and brother in law take responsibility for their kid and his actions.
The fortunate thing is that they live 300 miles away and I don't have to see the little dickhead very often.
When he tried to stand on the table I went off on him and both of his parents. I told them that they have created an undisciplined little tyrant and that at MY house he was going to be decent or be GONE.
My wife started to get upset with me so I told her that someone had to straighten out the problem and I wasn't putting up with it at our house.
The parents made the kid sit in the car and everything settled down into a pleasant time. He refused to eat but that's their problem. I didn't make anything special for him and told the kid that if he didn't like the food he could go hungry.
My father in law and brother in law both thanked me for taking a stand and making the parents do something about the little monster.
Afterwards my wife even realized that I was right in speaking out and making her sister and brother in law take responsibility for their kid and his actions.
The fortunate thing is that they live 300 miles away and I don't have to see the little dickhead very often.
OP
Update on the way the kid acts. At Thanksgiving he was doped up on a new prescription and he was a zombie. He didn't say a word and sat there with a vacant look on his face.
I won't see them at Christmas because the father and son are in Puerto Rico with his family. My wife's sister stayed home because they are having problems and she wants some alone time.
I feel bad for the kid because the only way they can control him is with drugs. It should be a peaceful Christmas at my father in law's because none of them will be there.
I won't see them at Christmas because the father and son are in Puerto Rico with his family. My wife's sister stayed home because they are having problems and she wants some alone time.
I feel bad for the kid because the only way they can control him is with drugs. It should be a peaceful Christmas at my father in law's because none of them will be there.
Just this afternoon I was in the local Target at a checkout line. The family in front of me was mom two girls (daughters maybe) and a boy about 5-6. He was jumping in the cart, trying to climb onto the movable table top and generally making a LOT of noise. Mom said nothing. He then looked at me and my mobility scooter basket as though he was going to jump from his to mine. I said to him, not loudly but forceful enough that Mom could and would hear me. I said:" Son you might not want to make that move as it will no work out well for you." Mom apparently heard me and hauled him out of their cart basket. Had he tried I was going to simply back the cart up so he would fall between them.
Killer Bee
Advanced Level Novice
sad to see so many poorly parented kids these days.
I'm not ancient but old enough to have been reared the old fashioned way. and while my parents were tough, they were fair and taught me the value a good manners and how to behave.
it's not easy these days but we've been able to keep our kids under control so they don't bother others and they're respectful when spoken to. yes sir, yes ma'am, Mr. and Mrs., etc.
and still have fun with dad where it doesn't affect other people.
today, they're both taking honors level classes with straight A grades, while heavily involved in sports, school activities, church, and our community.
they have their moments but Mrs. Bee and I have a great relationship with both of them and face our challenges together.
with that solid foundation made early, we can really enjoy them growing up. I'm an old dad, retiring while they're 12 and 14. teaching them how to shoot, drive, etc. is the best time of my life :)
I'm not ancient but old enough to have been reared the old fashioned way. and while my parents were tough, they were fair and taught me the value a good manners and how to behave.
it's not easy these days but we've been able to keep our kids under control so they don't bother others and they're respectful when spoken to. yes sir, yes ma'am, Mr. and Mrs., etc.
and still have fun with dad where it doesn't affect other people.
today, they're both taking honors level classes with straight A grades, while heavily involved in sports, school activities, church, and our community.
they have their moments but Mrs. Bee and I have a great relationship with both of them and face our challenges together.
with that solid foundation made early, we can really enjoy them growing up. I'm an old dad, retiring while they're 12 and 14. teaching them how to shoot, drive, etc. is the best time of my life :)
If kids are not disciplined at an early age they will not be disciplined as a teenager, and not as an adult. Do you let the system ruin your children? Are we so afraid of the government, at any level, that we cower to them? I believe this is something every parent should consider; let the government raise your children, or do you, as a parent, raise them? That’s a difficult decision for most parents to make. Thus, their children rat them out, and the children discipline the parents.
I do not have any children but if I did and one told went to the government to intervene in my disciplining them I would tell the government just keep that one.
It is not always a lack of discipline. One of my older brothers was an absolute menace as a child and just grew worse with age. Some humans are incapable of living within societal norms.
