Widowed men.............

[Bob Wright]

Recent post here of men telling of their long marriages. Nita and I were just short, by six months, of our Fiftieth Anniversary when she died. There are about fifteen men at my church who are widowers.

Recently I told my pastor maybe there ought to be som ministry to widowed men at our church. So he suggested I get into that. Well, I talked to some of the men and they all agreed it would be a good ministry. So, last Thursday we met for the first time, four of us, meetng in our fellowship room at church. The schedule was 9:30 a.m. On the way I bought doughnuts and the pastor had coffee made for us when we got there.

What did we do? We ate doughnuts, drank coffee, and talked. And talked. A few times some of us sort of teared up, and other times we laughed. But we talked and told things we would not ordinarily talk about to other folks. Happy times, sad times~ we talked. We left the church about 11:00 a.m.

The pastor has told us we could get mugs with the church logo on them so we would not have to drink out of Styrofoam cups. There is a rack for cups/mugs aready in that room. I've also asked that we have a budget so we might eat out some evening, as a couple of men are still working and cannot attend morning meetings.

Wow! Things sure blossomed quick!

Bob Wright

 

[Hvymax]

A great idea. That way everyone doesn't have to feel so alone. You might want to set up a clubhouse with grills, smokers, a horseshoe pit, fire ring and a shooting range. The cost of admission is already pretty high so may as well make it good.

 

[Kevin]

Awesome! You are an inspiration, honestly.

 

[codebreaker]

If you don't already have one, you might suggest to the minister that he consider starting one for widows too.

 

[Bob Wright]

If you don't already have one, you might suggest to the minister that he consider starting one for widows too.

There are already ministrys for widows, in fact sort of one and a half. One ministry visits and at times take them out to lunch. Most of our widows no longer drive, so a visitation ministry is better suited. The other is a ministry of women who knit or crowchet shawls and stuff. Our widows and shut ins are already pretty well taken care of. The same can be said for our youngsters and youth.

Bob Wright

 

[Watertender]

Bob, every Sunday morning at 6am unless I am working I have breakfast with several friends who have lost their wives. I am the only one who is remarried and they all like my wife. You are doing a good thing by getting together and sharing your thoughts. A widows get together might not be a bad idea as well. Who knows, there may be some nice ladies to socialize with!

 

[kmoore]

I started going to grief counseling last week. Tonight, will be my 2nd meeting. It's open to all who lost a spouse, last week it was 5 men and 1 woman. It is nice to talk and listen to others about such things that one might not say in front of friends or family.
Good Job, Mr. Wright. I believe you started something that many will benefit from.

 

[Jeepnik]

Funny how it only takes the “Wright” man to do good things.

Like most my age spouses are beginning to pass. Some fell awkward when first going to get togethers. But self isolation is never a good thing.

We need more “Wright” men today. Thanks Bob.

 

[arfmel]

Wish I was close enough to attend.

 

[Mike J]

That sounds great. I think your idea about getting together to go out to eat would be good too. Sometimes it can be a big deal for someone to have somewhere to go & something to do. It can make a huge difference.

 

[vito]

My heart goes out to all of you in this "club". I have been blessed beyond my ability to describe in still having the love of my life with me, now in our 58th year. Our marriage is not one of perfection, but I am grateful nevertheless. I just got back from a road trip to visit an old friend who is battling pancreatic cancer, a battle no one ever really wins. Makes the little things that bug me seem even littler.

 

[dobegrant.45]

A great thought and a very worthy activity

 

[Old and grumpy]

Good job. Thanks.

 

[contender]

Many excellent comments & thoughts above,, that I can easily echo.

One thing,, often quietly overlooked,, is how men are viewed differently than women. As noted by Bob,, the church already has a couple of group things for the widowed ladies,, yet,, nothing for the men.
Good men,, who've lost the love of their life,, can appreciate the fellowship of other like minded men. Yet,, in society,, they are often overlooked. Even by many churches.

And it's not just widowers,, it's other things.

General marketing for example. A big deal is made out of Mother's day,, yet,, in comparison, Father's Day is nowhere near as pushed or marketed.
And even in many families,, a Father's Birthday is often less celebrated than a Mother's Birthday. And as we see,, widowers are often overlooked by many too.

Now,, before anybody starts to defend things,, or say it's not so in their family,, I'm NOT saying that mothers are not important,, or anything. It's just a noticed difference in perception by families & even marketing.

And my point is that it's VERY good to see something like this for the widowers out there.

KUDOS Bob!

 

[pogomo]

Recent post here of men telling of their long marriages. Nita and I were just short, by six months, of our Fiftieth Anniversary when she died. There are about fifteen men at my church who are widowers.

Recently I told my pastor maybe there ought to be som ministry to widowed men at our church. So he suggested I get into that. Well, I talked to some of the men and they all agreed it would be a good ministry. So, last Thursday we met for the first time, four of us, meetng in our fellowship room at church. The schedule was 9:30 a.m. On the way I bought doughnuts and the pastor had coffee made for us when we got there.

What did we do? We ate doughnuts, drank coffee, and talked. And talked. A few times some of us sort of teared up, and other times we laughed. But we talked and told things we would not ordinarily talk about to other folks. Happy times, sad times~ we talked. We left the church about 11:00 a.m.

The pastor has told us we could get mugs with the church logo on them so we would not have to drink out of Styrofoam cups. There is a rack for cups/mugs aready in that room. I've also asked that we have a budget so we might eat out some evening, as a couple of men are still working and cannot attend morning meetings.

Wow! Things sure blossomed quick!

Bob Wright

Good for you friendship and fellowship. Both good for the soul.

 

[pogomo]

If you don't already have one, you might suggest to the minister that he consider starting one for widows too.

Great idea. If you can believe statistics, there are far more widowed gals.

 

[Don Lovel]

When my wife died in 2013 I was an active member in Masonic lodge and had hopes my time spent doing that would help me.
It did'nt
My level of disappointment for how my Lodge brothers acted caused me to walk away from all things Masonic.
My biker and musician friends helped me much more

 

[Bob Wright]

Great idea. If you can believe statistics, there are far more widowed gals.

I am aware of that. But most of the widows, at least at my church, no longer drive so could not attend any such ministry. However, widows at my church are not forgeotten as there are several for them already. They are on a mailing list and get cards and news bulletins frequently. Also often get knitted por crocheted stuff. So this is the first ministry dedicated to widowed men.

Bob Wright

 

[warren5421]

My first wife died at 39 leaving me with 3 kids, girls 16 and 13 and a 4 year old boy. I had taken a job the month before out of state where we were moving as so as school was out. I had almost no help till my sister moved in for the end of school. Not many think about the husband will need help be they young or old. As you seen Bob you can't really talk to a friend and expect them to understand if they have not lost their wife. Good for you starting the club.

Maybe you can find someone to give a talk on how hard it is to do things that the wife done that the man of the house never thought about. How many men thought about doing cloths? Washing, drying, folding, or ironing to see you went out looking as good as you could. Cooking for one is a battle after 60's.

 

[pogomo]

When my wife died in 2013 I was an active member in Masonic lodge and had hopes my time spent doing that would help me.
It did'nt
My level of disappointment for how my Lodge brothers acted caused me to walk away from all things Masonic.
My biker and musician friends helped me much more

I think what's important is you searched and found a group you could share your time and interest with. I know if it's folks I can relax with I will enjoy my time.
God bless

 

[pogomo]

My first wife died at 39 leaving me with 3 kids, girls 16 and 13 and a 4 year old boy. I had taken a job the month before out of state where we were moving as so as school was out. I had almost no help till my sister moved in for the end of school. Not many think about the husband will need help be they young or old. As you seen Bob you can't really talk to a friend and expect them to understand if they have not lost their wife. Good for you starting the club.

Maybe you can find someone to give a talk on how hard it is to do things that the wife done that the man of the house never thought about. How many men thought about doing cloths? Washing, drying, folding, or ironing to see you went out looking as good as you could. Cooking for one is a battle after 60's.

I am currently blessed to still have my wife at almost 80 y.o. But recently she had something happen to her lower back during a grocery shopping trip that injured her lower back again.. Last year she had 2 falls that led to broken disc in lower back. They were repaired with the cement fusion treatment. Then she fell again in October and broke a little finger and screwed up her right shoulder. More surgery. A lot of this happened because she was found to be type 2 diabetic. The point of this is that at 76 y.o. I didn't realize how much effort and time it takes to do all the things that she did. And boy do I miss my partner. As well as being a loving wife I quickly realized she was my 3rd arm. Days are much shorter now as well as the added stress. Then her clinic trips and other needs take away much of my spare time. We will get thru this with God's help. I do now truly know how much she added to our lives. When she can move better we are going to seek out some groups of older folks to talk and share with. God bless all of you who have lost your spouse. I can imagine it's like starting over.
Be safe