First, "Welcome to the Forum!"
Now, first off, My wife & I have been teaching ladies to shoot for over 14 years with the NRA Women On Target program. We have a lot of experience answering your type of questions.
First, there is a lot of excellent info above.
if you can try out a firearm type before you buy,, then by all means, do so.
Also understand that a set of grips can make a LOT of difference in how a gun feels in YOUR hands. You need to find what fits YOU!
Recoil. It's a simple matter of physics. The heavier the firearm, the less felt recoil there is. The lighter the gun, the more felt recoil there is.
Recoil management is all in a proper fitting & feeling grip, and often of a material that helps absorb some of the felt recoil. (Rubber vs. wood for example.)
Also, learning how to properly grip a handgun has a lot to do with how it feels in your hands. A poor gripping method can have negative effects on how you shoot.
Now, in our WOT clinics,, we have a selection of 38's & 357's for the ladies to try. We use S&W models 19, 27, & 28. We have Ruger Security-Sixes, SP-101's, & LCRs. We have found in general, that most of the ladies prefer the SP-101,, with a set of grips that fit their hands to be the overall best handling & shooting firearm we offer. We have different grips for the exact same models for them to try. We have more SP-101's than any other, with the following grips; Factory, Crimson Trace laser, & Hogue rubber grips. The LCR we have is in 38 Spl, and I recently added a 9mm to that one. Both so far have factory grips. The S&W's have factory & Pachmyers.
With that,, comes the complaint of the added weight for carry, when the SP-101 is chosen.
Now,,, if you are anywhere close to me in Western NC,,, I'd gladly offer to help & let you try things for free.