Okay, let me simplify this debate down to physics. When a bullet leaves the muzzle, it contains X amount of energy. That amount is 1/2 its mass times its velocity squared.
So take 2 different style bullets of the same weight and caliber and see what they might do to a live target.
Bullet #1 is a HP designed for expansion without penetration. It will expend 100% of it's energy expanding on the surface of the target. This energy transfer will jack up the target by creating massive shock. That's called "stopping power", even though the target may survive the hit.
Bullet #2 is a FMJ that doesn't expand at all. It will go completely through the target and only use a (small) percentage of its energy to do so. The hole it creates may cut some vital organs causing the target to eventually die, but the target may continue the attack and kill you before it dies.
Neither bullet is ideal for self defense. The best bullet design is one with "controlled expansion". It should expend the bulk of its energy between initial impact and the expanding exit. This creates a shock wave inside the soft organs of the target. The shock wave is MORE DEADLY and has MORE STOPPING POWER than either of the 2 fringe type bullets.
That's why these (controlled expansion) types of bullets are not allowed in wars, but ARE encouraged (or mandated) for hunting.
I'll take expansion over penetration for self defense rounds. I want to STOP the threat, not necessarily KILL the attacker.