Let's have some fun!

[contender]

Well, it's July 1st,, and while reviewing a few threads,, I thought; "Let's create some fun, humorous stuff!"

Let's share funny stories that happened to ourselves. Jokes that were played upon us. Let's enjoy a good laugh at our own expense.

I'll start. One of my favorites.

Around 40 or so years ago,, a pair of brothers & I went white bass fishing. It was spring,, the spawning run was happening,, and we knew where they would stop & spawn. Often,, it was easier to catch them there, during this time.
Now,, because it was spring,, and we all enjoyed snake shooting,, we all 3 carried our .22 handguns. I was carrying a MKI bull barrel.

When we first got there,, I caught a white bass almost immediately. Slipped it on a stringer, putting it in the water to stay alive & fresh. Anticipation was very high. We could see ourselves enjoying a good fish cookout.

After a good bit,, somewhere between an hour & an hour & half,, not a single strike or bite. Nobody had caught a single fish. Now,, we could see the male bass pushing the females into the shallows to try & get them to push out the eggs to fertilize. Sometimes practically at our feet. It was quite frustrating,, with us wanting a good fish fry.
I made the comment; "This crap keeps up,, I'm gonna start shooting the fish. I'm GONNA have a white bass dinner!" Well, I made that comment a few times,, and finally Bobby said; "You are full of crap,, you couldn't shoot a fish!" I replied that I could. he then said; "I'll bet you can't. In fact,, if you think you are so good,, heck, there is one right here in the shallows right now,, come shoot it!"

Challenge accepted.

I quickly dropped my rod & reel,, slipped the MKI out of my holster,, slid over towards Bobby,, and peeked over the rocks. Yep,, there was a white bass right in the shallows. I quickly aligned my sights,, squeezed the trigger,, and water flew. I quickly went to see if I'd hit it & grab it if I had.




Yep,, I had hit it.. it was easy to recover,, as it was still on my stringer.

 

[Watertender]

When I was Chief Engineer at the college we used to make lunch almost every day or order breakfast from a Greek restaurant just around the corner from the Powerhouse.

We ordered breakfast and I went to pick it up. I can't remember what the other guys ordered but I got French toast with Canadian bacon. They put a container of butter and 2 containers of maple syrup in my order.
I get back to the Powerhouse and we start eating breakfast. I put the butter and maple syrup on the French toast and took a huge bite because I was hungry.
My eyes bugged out of my head and I spit that mouthful out so fast that I almost got the guy sitting across from me.
Instead of maple syrup it was Teriyaki Sauce!!! Let me tell you, when you are expecting maple syrup and you get a mouthful of Teriyaki Sauce by mistake it's something you won't soon forget or want to repeat!!!

 

[GRAMPS 51]

About 10 years ago I was going to get into pellet gun competition so i had been practicing a lot and at that time we were infested with chipmunks around here so they tested my skills every day inside of 35 feet i could shoot one in the eye every time well my son and son in law come into the house to tell me there is a chipmunk sitting on a fence post out back so i get the pellet gun and head out well when i get out there my wife daughter and grandson are out there to see how good my shooting was so i take aim and fire crap i missed load up again shoot crap i miss again load up again miss again then i hear some giggling behind me those rotten kids had propped up a dead chipmunk on the post i had killed earlier

 

[contender]

Your Teriyaki story reminded me of one that happened to a friend of mine. A few of y'all have met him,, as he has attended a few ROCS display shows.

Tyson.

Tyson has a commercial drivers license. So, one time many years ago,, he was helping out a nursing home hear his house. He'd drive the bus taking some old folks to local restaurants.
He had never been to a Chinese restaurant before. That was where they went. Now, Tyson does enjoy Mexican food.

Well, he found the Chinese "Guacamole" and got him a big spoonfull on his plate. He sat down,, was eating & went to get a big bite of the guacamole,, and put it in his mouth. It was Wasabi.
He said he wanted to puke,, but couldn't in front of all those old folks. He beat a quick retreat to the bathroom.

I just wish I had been there to watch it,,, yet,, he's too good of a friend to allow it to happen. So,, if I'd been there I would have stopped him.

 

[coachk64]

A few years ago I was a work event in Phoenix. The first evening there was a mixer of sorts, with a bunch of different buffet style tables set up with appetizer type foods. One of them was a raw oyster bar with different kinds of toppings. One of the toppings was labeled horseradish, and I've always liked a little horseradish sauce on a raw oyster, so I tipped about a half teaspoon onto one. As it turned out, this wasn't horseradish sauce, but straight, raw, unadulterated, maybe even concentrated horseradish. I almost went to my knees and had to excuse myself to empty out my sinuses and get the tears to stop flowing.

 

[Watertender]

I've had a few moments where my eyes have almost bugged out of my head when you get something you thought was mild and it wasn't.
One of the funniest things I've ever seen was when a food thief got cured. He was one of those guys who would grab something from the refrigerator and gobble it down quickly. You would get your lunch out and find it half gone and he was nowhere around.
A baited container of chicken tenders was left to entice him and he took the bait. The tenders were sprayed with police issue pepper spray and he got one about halfway down before he realized that it was hotter than he thought it was.
His lips swelled up like a baboon's rear end and he was gagging his head off! He actually had to take the rest of the day off to recuperate. After that nothing was ever missing again.

 

[gunzo]

Went to a buds farm he'd just bought to look around & hang out with friends. We wound up standing in the shade of a barn to have a cold one. A carpenter bee just kept pestering us & I still had a S&W Airlite 22 in my pocket loaded with snake shot as I'd been mowing earlier.
I soon said I'd had it with the bee so I whipped out the 22 & shot the bee while it was flying in mid air. Richard just rolled his eyes as he knew what I was using. Logan & another never said a word as they knew. Then I looked at Barry. He was trying to talk & his mouth would move but no words were coming out. His eyes were as big as saucers. When he finally found his voice he said; #%^^$%, that's the best shot I ever saw. He was riding with Logan & I asked Logan later if he told Barry what I was using. He said; Oh hell no.

 

[Watertender]

gunzo, that .22 Smith and Wesson Airlite is a great little handgun. Is yours the 2 inch or 3 inch?
I like mine and have done a little customization on it to make it better for me.
I deleted the internal lock, put a Wolff spring kit in it, put a red front sight on it and Sile J Frame combat grips

 

[Fox Mike]

At Hunter-Stewart doing some aerial gunnery and the place was copperhead haven. They were everywhere. All the crew members had our issued 38s and all had them loaded. A gang was standing around looking at something as I walked by. They said there was a snake that they could just see the tail and was I armed? Yep. So I look and there is the tail of a copperhead and movement in the grass. I pull my revolver and proceed to fire six well aimed shots at.....a stick painted to look like a copperhead, attached to a long string that one guy was jerking on. My new handle then became "Snake Shooter 1"

 

[contender]

I love how the food thief got "educated!" I would have added exlax with an injection needle.

gunzo,, I'm sure he will never doubt your shooting ability,, ever!

And I agree, a carpenter bee can be annoying. Especially if you dislike them vermin. Long ago,, my brother asked me to help him teach his step daughter to shoot. They came to the range,, I supplied several guns, and ammo. It was a good day & fun session.
But we too had carpenter bees buzzing around.
Now,, after my brother & his step-daughter had left,, Penny & I were just enjoying some plinking & all ourselves. I had made a comment a few times that if they kept buzzing us,, I was gonna shoot one.
Well, I was using an OM Ruger in .357. I had some wadcutters loaded up. A bee buzzed & stopped about 8-10 ft away. I angrily threw a snap, hip-shot at it. Penny saw it happen. The bee vanished in a tiny explosion.
We started laughing,, a LOT! I laughed so much,, I could not hit a bull's backside after that. After a little bit,, we had to leave,, as any further practice was futile! But I had a witness. I readily admit to it being 98% pure luck!

 

[contender]

Snake-shooter 1! I Love it!

 

[Fox Mike]

Snake-shooter 1! I Love it!

I occasionally run into one of the guys that witnessed that marksmanship display... and bring it up.

 

[Watertender]

ExLax has been used more than once to educate a food thief. The older ExLax worked better because of the phenolphthalein in it.
The newer version doesn't have it as the active ingredient.
Just the pepper spray worked on the chicken tenders to great advantage

 

[bedfordboy]

When my brother was building his house he had a number of tools and materials that would disappear over night. One day while we were finishing up working we caught a good sized black snake, we put it in a new skil saw box along with a little ballast so that it felt right when you picked it up, needless to say the next day the box was gone, and the disappearing tools saga ended after that.

 

[Johnnu2]

Back in the early 70's I was transferred to Mn. (from NY :-(. I finally met some shooters who weren't to biased to be seen with a tenderfoot from the East; and one HUGE trucker (6'5" and probably close to 285-300lbs) was kind enough to take me out squirrel hunting. He was out of work for quite awhile and hunted to feed his family; so this was not just an "outing". I knew that hunting etiquette required me to follow quietly until he filled-out his limit (6 per day IIRC). He was shooting a Rem. 5mm rim fire and ONLY went for head shots. They came out of the tree, literally, without heads and otherwise undamaged. When he finally said, "now we gotta get you a squirrel", I jacked-in a 22LR round into my JC Higgins rifle that my father bought me when I was about 12 (I still have it and will post a pic here IF I remember to). It had a Weaver 22 scope (variable) and I couldn't tell you when it may have last been sighted-in.
Gene spotted a squirrel sitting broadside in the crotch of a tree about 30 yds (?) away. I just could not see it. Finally he knelt-down and told me to rest my rifle on his shoulder and he pointed me in the direction of the crotch of the tree. I turned my scope all the way up to 6 power and, after some searching, finally saw a perfect silhouette of the squirrel. He reminded me "head shot". The only thing I focused on was a very gentle squeeze on that old JC Higgins trigger. Gun goes off; we both look up and THEN the squirrel drops. We ran to the tree and Gene picked-up the squirrel but could NOT find where my bullet hit. After a few seconds, he blurts out: "Holy Sit, your bullet went in the left EYE, and out the right one". I just looked at Gene and very casually said: "You said head shots only, right?". Within a week, the whole town knew that the tenderfoot from NY could SHOOT. YES, IT WAS PURE LUCK and clean lliving.

J.

 

[gunzo]

gunzo, that .22 Smith and Wesson Airlite is a great little handgun. Is yours the 2 inch or 3 inch?
I like mine and have done a little customization on it to make it better for me.
I deleted the internal lock, put a Wolff spring kit in it, put a red front sight on it and Sile J Frame combat gripsView attachment 107849

I have both, & both are pre lock. Really handy. On the day in question I had the fixed sight 2". It pockets nicely.
The J frame clan:

 

[MaxMan]

Repeat post but some may have not seen it
When we first moved to Palm Beach County in 1978 we settled in a very rural area for down here. Dirt roads, to speed limit signs (the road condition moderated the speed, and no stop signs. Also, no county garbage pickup service. Garbage choices were a very expensive private pick up guy, take to the dump yourself, or burn it.
One day I was standing in front of the 55-gallon drum full of my son's dirty diapers. Of course, they were wet. Tried to light, several times then I saw the lawn mower. A little gas would get this going. Poured some gas and went to light it. I had used up all the matches. In to the house found some more matches.
Came on lit it. Vooom a cylinder of fire came out of the drum and diaper took off some higher than out two-story Gambrel'd roof home. Now it's raining dirty flaming diapers. AS they hit the ground I would run and try to stamp them out, oh, the diapers had a plastic outside, melted it would stick to the shoe. So running around trying to put out diapers with many stuck to my shoes, I finally got them all put out.
I had a 1/2 face sunburn, singed eyebrows, and singed hair which I had to cut to get a comb through it.
The nearby neighbor heard it, grabbed a handful of wildflowers came over and said to the wife I brought these for the kitchen table, uhh is he all right?

 

[Fox Mike]

I have both, & both are pre lock. Really handy. On the day in question I had the fixed sight 2". It pockets nicely.
The J frame clan:

Perhaps I missed something , but where is the funny story?

 

[32shooter]

Perhaps I missed something , but where is the funny story?

See post #7 & #8.

 

[warren5421]

Back when my son was 18, he's 44 now, him and a buddy were shooting the latest and greatest wonder 9's. I finely got third of the boys calming they were the best. Got my 2nd gen Colt 1851 Navy out of the safe. Went to the porch Shoot the target the boys were using. Fired 5 rounds of round balls, they formed a 3 leaf clover in the center of their target. The gun on a good day is a 2 1/2"-3" grouping with me behind the trigger. I turned around not saying a thing and put the gun in the safe for cleaning in an hour or so. The boys stopped shoting and policed the area, they still think I was that good, as I still out shot them but not as fast as they go.

 

[eveled]

My wife has an irrational fear of little people.

Today at the hospital the elevator door opened and a little person stepped out. My wife almost died! .

It reminded me of a story.

One time camping, I saw an easy up awning half down. People do that when they aren’t using it to keep the wind from blowing it away.

So I see this short easy up and I said to my wife. Look midgets must be camping there.

She looked at me and said out loud “You know I hate midgets!”

Well against all odds a little person stepped out of the camper, gave my wife the nastiest look I have ever seen!

Another time we took a cruise. We got all dressed up for formal dinner. On the elevator I let out some nasty gas.

The doors open there are dozens of people waiting to get on the elevator. Evening gowns and tuxedos.

So thinking quick I said “I can’t believe you did that on an elevator!” Then stepped off leaving my wife on the elevator. She’s still mad about that one.

Another time I stepped into the kitchen she is opening a pack of chicken, and it stinks. She says, “I think this might be bad”

Gagging I tell her throw it out.

Later on, she passed gas, gagging from the smell, I notice it smells like the “bad” chicken. Yep, the chicken wasn’t bad after all.

 

[Fox Mike]

See post #7 & #8.

#7 is funny. #8, if it is funny I don't understand what part.

 

[gunzo]

Perhaps I missed something , but where is the funny story?

It was an answer to a question that was asked of me in this thread, What am i supposed to do??

 

[Johnnu2]

Repeat post but some may have not seen it
When we first moved to Palm Beach County in 1978 we settled in a very rural area for down here. Dirt roads, to speed limit signs (the road condition moderated the speed, and no stop signs. Also, no county garbage pickup service. Garbage choices were a very expensive private pick up guy, take to the dump yourself, or burn it.
One day I was standing in front of the 55-gallon drum full of my son's dirty diapers. Of course, they were wet. Tried to light, several times then I saw the lawn mower. A little gas would get this going. Poured some gas and went to light it. I had used up all the matches. In to the house found some more matches.
Came on lit it. Vooom a cylinder of fire came out of the drum and diaper took off some higher than out two-story Gambrel'd roof home. Now it's raining dirty flaming diapers. AS they hit the ground I would run and try to stamp them out, oh, the diapers had a plastic outside, melted it would stick to the shoe. So running around trying to put out diapers with many stuck to my shoes, I finally got them all put out.
I had a 1/2 face sunburn, singed eyebrows, and singed hair which I had to cut to get a comb through it.
The nearby neighbor heard it, grabbed a handful of wildflowers came over and said to the wife I brought these for the kitchen table, uhh is he all right?

THIS STORY WINS.................imho

J.

 

[Watertender]

Perhaps I missed something , but where is the funny story?

I asked gunzo about the Smith and Wesson Airlite that he shot the bee with.

 

[Watertender]

Now that the fart line has been crossed I have a couple of good stories.
Years ago I was working for a dental equipment company as a service technician and installer. I had to go to the bathroom badly and was going about 45mph in a 30mph zone when I got pulled over for speeding. It was in February so I had the heat on in the van. I was trying to politely explain to the cop that I had to get to a bathroom and I let out this huge magnificent fart that stunk so badly that the cop started gagging. He started screaming at me to get the hell out of there which I gladly did.
Almost 20 years later I was Chief Engineer at the college and was working an off shift with one of my 1st Class Engineers when his brother showed up with his work partner in their patrol car. I recognized the work partner and asked him if he remembered pulling over a van in February many years earlier. All of a sudden he realized that I was the guy who blasted him and we both started laughing. We both told the story from both perspectives and got a good laugh.

 

[blume357]

1974, still in highschool and my grandmother had given me and some of my buddies an abandoned tenant house on the farm to keep us out of trouble on the weekends.. didn't really work out like that..Picture the Little Rascals as teenagers.... but anyway...also, .no bathroom in the house and the out house was long gone.. I was not there this night but got the scoop later.. our oldest 'member' had graduated and worked 2nd shift at the local mill and would get there around 11:00... Couple of other guys decided to get him and heated up a can of Brunswick stew and put a load of Carter's Little Liver Pills in it... So, Gerald comes in and they show him they had fixed a meal for him... but he had eaten on the way and did not want any... well Monkey Man Mike, one of the cooks, could not stand it, the stuff smelled so good, and so he tried to pick all the 'pills' out and then proceeded to eat it. I showed up that morning and walked up to the front door and saw this brown trail running out of the house across the front porch down the steps and out into the yard.

 

[JiminMaine]

I've posted this story before, not sure if it was on this forum.

A few years back I decided to pull a joke on my hunting buddy "Old Bob." I went to the local super market and bought a pork butt roast. I brought it home, took a picture of the label, photoshopped it to read "Donkey-Butt Roast" and printed out a new label. Then I waited until I knew he and his wife were going to out of the house and dropped it off in a cooler on their porch with a note telling to try something new.

I waited a couple of days and then called to ask how they liked it. He told me that they had not tried it yet. I then asked if his wife was upset that I had bought it for him. He replied, "No, why would she be upset?" I then told him, "Most of my married friend's wives would upset if somebody bought their husbands a 'Piece of A$$." I could hear his wife burst out laughing in the background as he sputtered something about my heritage before he hung up the phone.

He told me later that it was the best joke anybody had ever pulled on him.

 

[Watertender]

When I was Chief Engineer at the college we used to make lunch quite often and used to buy our supplies from a supermarket around the corner from the campus.
I went over with one of my engineers to get the ingredients for lunch and while I was getting butter out of the dairy case he lets this huge rotten fart! He was on the side of the case and there was a woman next to me who heard it and got a good whiff of his wind. I lifted my leg and shook it while waving my hand by the back of my pants.
She let out with a disgusted noise and gave me the stink eye as she walked away.

I got him back when we went to the deli counter to get something. The clerk asked if we were together and I said...
"Yes, we're married.... to women"....
The look on the clerks and his face was priceless!! Then I started laughing and all 3 of us were howling like coyotes barking at the moon!
I told him that was payback for taking the blame for his fart... This was probably 15 years ago and we still laugh about it.

 

[eveled]

One time eating out with a friend of mine, I wasn’t drinking, after dinner he ordered a drink, and I ordered a desert.

Picture 2 big guys 300 pounders sitting at a table in the restaurant. The waiter brings my desert and puts a spoon in front of each of us! Like we are a couple on a date.

I looked at him winked and blew him a kiss!

He jumped up like he was stung by a bee! Loudly announced he wasn’t gay and ran out of the restaurant.

This was 30plus years ago, before the woke era.

After that, when we got together, I’d wink and blow him a kiss. Or try to hold his hand! .