I know I'm 81, and sometimes my aches and pains remind me all too realistically. But other times I find myself thinking, how the heck can I be 81? How did I get to be so old so quickly. I stop and think about graduating high school and it seems like not so long ago, yet it was almost 65 years ago. I think of the day my first child was born, and that baby is now 56. And a photo of me while in Vietnam just showed up on the slide show on my laptop and I thought, hey, I remember that day like it was yesterday. And old friends are dying, like too damn often. I used to have 14 first cousins and now I have 3. And I can't escape the reality that by all odds I will not be on the green side of the grass 10 years from now (although my Mom did make it to almost 104). I remember reading about an old gentleman whose last words, just as he was about to die, were "it all happened so fast" and I understand the sentiment more and more all the time. I still find myself musing about what I would do if I hit the lottery, and then think, what does it matter anymore? I think I need to end this post and get out of the house for awhile while I still can.