Changing Oil

[Wyandot Jim]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave , driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00
Coffee: Complementary
TOTAL: $24.00
AND THIS IS WHY I DON'T CHANE MY OWN OIL
Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck.

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38. Truck gets impounded.

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.


Money spent



:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

SEND THIS TO WOMAN WHO NEED A LAUGH...
AND TO ANY MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT...

I'll never change my oil again!

 

[sfhogman]

Boy, have I been there and done that! Damn kitty litter.....

As a public service, I provide the following link...

http://www.fumotousa.com/about-fumoto-valves.php

I have one of these things, and it makes life ever so much easier. Seriously. And yeah, I still change my own oil.

Jeff

 

[JFB]

I was just reading through smiling till I got to 27 and lost it

 

[RugerHound]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Perfect!!

 

[Kevin]

On occasion my wife has been known to put gas in the car, but if I ever see her waiting at a car dealership for an oil change I'd have a heart attack.

 

[6gun]

If you only knew what kind of people work in a dealers quickie oil change pit and the risk you are taking letting them touch your vehicle, you would change your own oil every time.

 

[Cholo]

That is funny, and so true! :mrgreen: I can be doing the perfect oil change with nothing but a few drops on my hands, and it will be all over the road by the time I pull the overfilled drain pan out.

I remember the 1st time I ever changed the oil in my 1st car, a '56 Chrysler Windsor with a 331 (?) Hemi. 6 quarts out, 6 quarts in. Hopped in with my GF to go for a 6 mpg high octane ride. I mashed the transmission button and nothing :? My GF's Dad came out and told me that I just drained the transmission fluid...

 

[protoolman]

Sister in law had Jiffy Lube strip not one but 2 drain plug threads. My sister had Jiffy lube forget to put oil back in the engine. She called when she got home a few blocks away then they apologised and sent someone over to refill the oil. A couple months later her engine goes bad, so she gets Subaru dealer's mechanic to state it was due to being run without lubrication. She goes back to jiffy lube and they deny the claim saying there is no documentation of the incident. She has no proof of the incident so shes out thhe price of a rebuilt engine. I don't ever let my cars get touched by lube monkeys. I do oil changes free on my kids cars wifes car and my pickups.

 

[Colonialgirl]

I USE to do my own oil changes and repair work necessary under the hood OR under the whole car; BUT at my age and with my back, NOT ANY MORE !!

 

[blackhawknj]

Years ago I worked for a large limousine company, had one of the mechanics change my oil. Persistent leak, saw dripping froom underneath-he put the wrong drain plug back in. Another time I changed it myself, got the car up on the ramps, drained the old oil, then realized I had the wrong filter. Had to walk about 1.5 miles in the rain to my regular garage to get the correct filter.

 

[Mobuck]

I don't trust anyone to change my oil. Best 20 minutes I could spend. Buy my oil at Menards when it's on sale and has a rebate and filters when the parts store has 50% off.

 

[SAJohn]

The only car I do my own oil changes on is my air cooled Porsche 911. It is a rather involved procedure because of the dry sump and an oil cooler with a thermostat. Porsche dealers charge from $350 to over $500.

 

[jack]

I change my own oil. Seen too many "wham bam" goons cross thread drain plugs and totally deny responsibility later. I'm not saying they're all bad ... I just don't know any good ones.

 

[Poco Oso]

:lol: Yep, that sounds about right. :lol: :lol:
Thanks for that link, sfhogman. I still do my own oil, lube and tune-ups. But then again...my truck is 36 years old and my motorcycle is 44. I can still recognize, and get to, the parts and pieces I need to. :mrgreen:

 

[Big Old Boy]

Take mine to the dealer, $34. Out the door I drink the free coffee and chat with the girls in the office after it is washed and vacumed I go home clean as a whistle myself and the car.

 

[graygun]

I change my oil and record it in the booklet. Oil is good,clean or dirty.

 

[6gun]

My kid worked at Sears auto center in high school and I was always hearing about all the damage those untrained oil changers do to vehicles, like wrong oil, not enough oil, stripped oil plugs, didn't change filter and charged customer for one anyway, and one guy that forgot to put oil back in the engine. :lol:

Now that my kid is a auto technician at a dealership he still says never let those idiots that work over at the dealers lube center change your oil they are no better than Sears, both use inexperienced, untrained high schools boys or just out of high school with no automotive training what so ever.

 

[graygun]

It does get exaggerated and millions have it changed by a shop. It takes almost no mechanical ability to change oil...a little knowledge-experience about how much torque to apply to a bolt and how to replace a filter. You certainly don't need to be a mechanic to do it.

The OP is funny and many can identify with some of it. I save a little money but change it for "fun" and knowing the engine won't come to a screeching halt. I use a full syn and a crush washer on the bolt,like it had from the factory.

 

[rugerguy211]

I'm a firm believer in DIY, for most things.
However, for me, changing car oil involves way too much hassle and time, before, during, and especially after the process.
We have 3 cars and drive a total of 20K-22K miles per year, max.
The two that run regular oil get changed every 5K miles. That means one change for one car, and two for the other, per year.
The third car, running 8-9 quarts of full synthetic, gets changed once a year at somewhere between 4K-7K miles.

 

[Merle1948]

Boy, have I been there and done that! Damn kitty litter.....

As a public service, I provide the following link...

http://www.fumotousa.com/about-fumoto-valves.php

I have one of these things, and it makes life ever so much easier. Seriously. And yeah, I still change my own oil.

Jeff

I'd never use one - with my luck the damn thing would malfunction & dump all my oil when I was 100 miles away from the nearest dirt cross road.... :mrgreen:

 

[opos]

Did everything myself for many years...cars, trucks, marine engines..but at my age now I don't do those things..we are lucky to have a real, honest to God, quality local garage...4 great mechanics that know and understand proper car care...I trust them to do the work and have never been disappointed...if anything appears amiss they note it and call...and if I feel it needs attention a simple ok and it get's done...Won't go near one of the quickie oil change joints...glad the kids have jobs but not working on my car....and the dealer is a stone cold rip off...I'll stick with the good local guys.

 

[Bull Barrel]

My son used to work at Jiffy Lube and the stories you hear are true. He was sent out many times to replce/tighten filter/drain plugs, etc because the idiots in the pit were too busy playing to do their jobs.
My local tire shop does oil/filter/tire rotation for $20.
I do my m/c's because no one carries yak fat.

 

[nvbirdman]

I mentioned to a friend of mine one time that my truck did good on oil. He has to do the me too thing so he said his truck did good on oil too. Before I could say "You f****** idiot, yours is new, mine has a hundred thousand miles on it", he told me he had thirty thousand miles on it and only had to add one quart.
He bought a new truck and had never changed the oil. Thirty thousand and still running the break-in oil.

 

[Merle1948]

wouldn't want to buy that one when he's done with it......

 

[sfhogman]

I mentioned to a friend of mine one time that my truck did good on oil. He has to do the me too thing so he said his truck did good on oil too. Before I could say "You f****** idiot, yours is new, mine has a hundred thousand miles on it", he told me he had thirty thousand miles on it and only had to add one quart.
He bought a new truck and had never changed the oil. Thirty thousand and still running the break-in oil.

Same thing happened to a friend of mine...bought a Toyota truck with 50,000 miles with the original oil in it...changed it and it's still running fine with no oil usage. Tough little truck.

Jeff

 

[6gun]

My son used to work at Jiffy Lube and the stories you hear are true. He was sent out many times to replce/tighten filter/drain plugs, etc because the idiots in the pit were too busy playing to do their jobs.
My local tire shop does oil/filter/tire rotation for $20.
I do my m/c's because no one carries yak fat.

The stories are true my kid don't make stuff up when he tells we what goes on, and changing a filter is not always a easy chore some cars have covers and stuff that have to be removed to access filters, which lube joints usually leave out screws or often just toss parts they don't want to put back on.

Worst of it is most of these guys have zero pride in their job and will not even buy the proper tools, like a socket set to remove plugs, my kids says those guys use stuff like dog bone wrenches, pliers, Crest wrenches, vise grips and of course a hammer to beat on everything that don't come off easy.

 

[Wyandot Jim]

Well,
The place I go to and send the wife to allows me to watch. The Jeep is on a lift and it also gives me the chance to look at stuff on the bottom. After oil change I get a free car wash and all the fluids are toped off for about $35.00. No way will I change oil on a car anymore. You that do good for you. Have had mine done for about the last 15 years NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO problem. :wink: :wink:
I do airplanes

 

[SAJohn]

The thread stripping thing once happened to me a long time ago. The cars and trucks of the 60's had very little in the way of threads in the oil pans. Over tighten just a bit and it was all over. The gas station garage refused responsibility. I pulled the oil pan and welded a lug nut to the inside.

 

[Number9]

A few years ago the wife took her car in for a filter/oil change at a fast lube place...
what she got was a nice coating of oil on the underside of her car!

The oil filter wasn't tightened.. almost lost an engine!

 

[Merle1948]

The thread stripping thing once happened to me a long time ago. The cars and trucks of the 60's had very little in the way of threads in the oil pans. Over tighten just a bit and it was all over. The gas station garage refused responsibility. I pulled the oil pan and welded a lug nut to the inside.

I had that happen to me years ago with the transmission oil pan. There was a trail of trans fluid from his door to my GMC. Same thing, the guy said he wasn't going to do anything about it. I lost my cool & asked if he had good fire insurance. Suddenly he decided he really could fix it. :twisted: