Cemetery Etiquette

[JackBull]

My wife and I go walking in a locale cemetery daily. I have been shocked at the number of people that walk over graves of the deceased. Not talking about walking thru in order to get to a grave. I am talking about walking over graves for exercise. I had been taught to respect where people are buried. What if any etiquette do you follow when walking in a cemetery? There are paved roads where we do our walking.

 

[contender]

I was taught to walk between the graves and not across them.

When I asked a pastor long ago about it,, with my question being; "What about unmarked graves, or where the markings are gone? How do you show respect for those graves?"
He said he'd never thought about it,, and never came back with a good answer.

 

[WAYNO]

I also do my best to avoid blatantly stepping on a grave.

I do Honor Guard at many Veteran's funerals. I did so also when I was active duty. And we decorate cemeteries for Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. We clean the graves and headstones of Veteran's. We visit graves of the fallen.
And in many cemeteries, especially National cemeteries, it is impossible to not step on a grave while you are performing other tasks.

Our take and guidance, is if you're not doing something purposely disrespectful, we do what we have to do.

I see families or other groups visiting graves, as do I and my Veteran friends. And we're visiting other graves while we're at it. Those we are visiting and remembering, and graves beside would not be offended if you stepped on their grave.





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[tazbigdog]

I do the same thing, I never walk on a grave. Ever.

 

[nekvermont]

I try to stay off grave sites and even feel kind of bad walking over my pet Cemetery when mowing the grass.
But I've also said, people can walk all over me when I'm 6' under but I won't let them walk all over me when I'm still upright.

 

[Mobuck]

Seems the cemetery admin should correct this. Sure wouldn't happen around here.
Walking across graves? My first earning experience was mowing cemeteries with a walk behind mower. At the time it was a necessary evil(?) of grounds maintenance.

 

[edm1]

I try to not disrespectfully walk across graves. We place flags on headstones for Memorial Day and put them in the ground in front of the headstone. Kinda gotta be standing there. But I’d bet they understand.

 

[Bob Wright]

Certainly a proper solemn demeanor should be maintained by all visitors. Common sense dictates at times that stepping on or walking over a grave site should be avoided, but if necessary to do so in order to get to a grave site, this is excuseable. In a cemetery, you are not showing respect for the dead, but rather for surviving family. At the veteran's cemetery where my wife is buried,the proximity of the graves makes it alsmost necessary to step on a grave to get to one in the middle of a field.

Bob Wright

 

[gnappi]

Bad form seems to be the new lifestyle. I'm gonna be cremated

I could relate a personal scary story or two about cemeteries but I won't, both involve beer. Gives me the creeps thinking about them.

 

[any ruger]

You can run a lawnmower over them but you cant walk on them?

 

[jimbo1096]

I visit cemeteries quite often. I make a point of never walking over or on a grave.
I don’t see too many people out in the cemetery when I go, but wouldn’t have a problem asking somebody to be respectful if they were my part of the cemetery.
There’s been a lot of vandalism at the cemeteries where they’ve pushed over or broken headstones. Unfortunately, a lot of that has happened in the war veterans or Civil War bivouac.

 

[blume357]

I was taught the same thing but I think I would have interpreted it on my own.

 

[vito]

Many, many years ago while in D.C. for a military conference, two fellow officers and I went for an early morning run and went through Arlington National Cemetary. Suddenly one of the other runners stopped and vomited, and unfortunately it was right on a grave area, even if not deliberate. I helped steady the suddenly sick runner, an officer I worked with but was not actually a friend, and asked him if he was well enough to continue and by the way, this would make a great story to tell our commanding general later that day at the meeting. He then looked into sicker than before. Of course I never told anyone, but I know that even years later he was fearful of me every telling anyone about how he had vomited on a soldier's grave. I'm pretty sure he is gone now himself and possibly buried in Arlington right now.

 

[Chief 101]

I have never thought about this nor have I been instructed on this matter but I would never knowingly step on a grave I would always walk around.

 

[ole442]

So, how do the groundskeepers maintain without crossing over the graves. No one will cross over my grave knowingly when I'm gone because I'm being cremated and spread wherever those who receive the cremains decides to spread them. There are many unmarked graves all over the world. I respect those who lived before me and respect their remains. But walking in a cemetery doesn't seem disrespectful to me as long as in a solemn way. I worked with a "cool guy" who remarked about riding his dirt bike through and around the cemetery where my ancestors are buried. I did mention that I thought it in poor taste, but he was a pretty boy azzhole anyway so whatever. Disrespectful but it wasn't the end of the world. If he'd toppled headstones or dug up graves, he should have been thumped! JMO!

 

[peachhead]

Walking across graves? My first earning experience was mowing cemeteries with a walk behind mower. At the time it was a necessary evil(?) of grounds maintenance.

Same here. There are times when it cannot be avoided. While I don't do it on purpose, I guess it would depend on the situation if I saw someone else doing it. As far as walking or running in a cemetery, I don't have any problem with it. Some of the cemeteries around here were designed to be "rural garden cemeteries"- essentially used as a park where people could come and bring their family for a day's outing.

 

[Brant]

as a boy, I was taught to go around if possible but across if it was not. I normally don’t visit grave sites after a funeral. I prefer my memories of my healthy loved ones. My father is a Vietnam veteran and I am honored to take my father on Veterans Day to visit a local man’s resting place who was killed in Vietnam.

 

[gundog5]

My wife and I go walking in a locale cemetery daily. I have been shocked at the number of people that walk over graves of the deceased. Not talking about walking thru in order to get to a grave. I am talking about walking over graves for exercise. I had been taught to respect where people are buried. What if any etiquette do you follow when walking in a cemetery? There are paved roads where we do our walking.

People today are not taught anything about respect and love of country. Makes me very sad.

 

[foolslife]

The wife and I used to visit grave yards in what ever area we were vacationing. Never stepped on a grave. In fact we fixed them up whenever we could.

 

[hike]

I cry and ask God to bless them. If they are military, I ask God to thank them for me.
The person is important. The dead body and the grave are emblems of the person for those living today. The dead really aren't concerned.
IMHE

 

[GypsmJim]

I found this to be an unusual thread. I have 4 grave sites I visit every year. In total, there are 22 people interred there, from my parents, grandparents and all the way back to great great grandparents. When I pray I always stand on their graves to be close to them.

I'm not a runner, but I would think that running between the headstones would be a hazard. Thus, if I did run I would use the road.

 

[Mike J]

I always try to be respectful when visiting a graveyard. It is difficult to walk to a grave without stepping on any other graves on the way.

This thread reminded me of something a person at a church we went to for a brief period of time. The church which was Methodist until recently has been in that location since before the Civil War. There are graves there from the 1850's I believe. One of the members there spoke of the wooden coffins collapsing. He spoke of being in the graveyard maintaining things. While he was there a fellow from a nearby house started riding that direction on a horse. The church member called out to the rider trying to get him to go around the graveyard out of concern for his safety. The man rode the horse right through the middle of the graveyard & continued on. The graveyard is fenced now. This tradition may have begun as much as a safety concern.

 

[HW11]

I was taught to walk between the Graves if you have to cross, never walk over them. As for the workers, they are preforming a service to those Graves, thus the term caretaker of the cemetery.

 

[powder smoke]

Living in New England I have found many small old cemeteries.
Some I found pretty much in the woods they were real old.
The oldest grave was a guy know as Ellifat Senter in Lynboro New Hampshire!
I stop in to visit from time to time. Have not been there in at least years.
Only reason is I live in Maine now someday I'll make my way down to see him
Some think its weird But I like old cemetaries. The headstones are interesting!
New Hampshire has bunches of old Cemetaries! some on private lands others
in the woods all grouwn in! Happy hunting ps

 

[althor]

I would most likely walk around to avoid tripping. I don't personally feel it is a disrespect to walk on or over a grave/headstone, at least not any more than the riding mower that drove over them the day before. I'm sure the deceased don't care. However, and I don't feel this is hypocritical, I would avoid doing so with other people around because I'm sure there are those that would be offended if they were to see it.

 

[Gopher]

I have noticed this while placing wreaths during my Wife's DAR group' Wreaths Across America Day. We pre-mark the graves that will receive a wreath but folks just wander willy-nilly around the cemetery while placing them.

 

[BearBiologist]

1. try to avoid graves wherever possible.
2. I remove any hat I am wearing.
3. Talk softly. (unconsciously many times, such as at The Sunken Road of Antietam!)

 

[Jack Ryan]

Today the low brow society we tolerate use cemetery as a freaking DOG PARK among all the other trash that comes with. They don't even have the sense of the village idiot 50 years ago. But what can you expect, they call their selves "doggy daddy" and doggy mommy. I guess it is better if most people today NEVER procreate.

 

[redfernclan]

I have to admit I had more respect when I was a kid. I worked for a landscaper for a year that took care of one and we would spend hours driving a mower all over. You had to be careful because time was money, and you had to get it done in a timely manor. Mowing over an old {sunken} grave that was followed by a recent one {mound} had you catching air with the mower. I always thought all of the wear and tear was weathering on the stones. Nope, its the landscape crew. Can't tell you haw many markers we had to pick up after clipping them with the mower. When you "scalped" a granite or marble marker it did a job on the mower blades. I always felt bad about the veterans markers because they were made of brass and took a beating.
Please remember none of this was intentional. I just am not as reverent as I used to be having worked in a cemetery. They are very quiet and peaceful places and when you spend eight hours a day in one, it gives you a lot of time to reflect.

 

[Bob Wright]

Graveyard etiquette is not so much to honor the dead, but to show respect for the survivors. Visitors to cemeteries are grieving or solemnly recalling fond memories of the dead. All visitors should respect those around them. As a Christian, our belief is that only the dead body lies in the grave, the soul, or spirit is either in Heaven or Hell. We also believe that one day that body and soul will be resurrected in a new, perfectly restored body. But that grsve site and marker remain as a memorial to that person's life here on earth.

Bob Wright