Advice from "Ask Amy"

[vito]

Today's "Ask Amy" advice column in the paper, by Amy Dickerson, had a letter from a Mom asking for help. She and her daughter had come home to find themselves in the midst of a home burglary. The daughter, 14, tried to fight the criminal, and the Mom pulled her away and submitted. They were both tied up but not otherwise harmed. Now the daughter is angry at her Mom for not joining her in fighting the home invader and thus displaying hypocrisy at her previous advice to be a strong and independent woman. The Mom is asking for how to regain the trust of her daughter. "Ask Amy" of course tells the Mom that she did the right thing. This situation could just as easily ended up with the two females raped and killed, and then there would be no letter to the columnist asking for advice. Personally I think the teenager was right in attempting to prevail over the attacker, and might have succeeded if it were two determined women fighting one, albeit larger man. Better yet, had the Mom been armed the entire situation might have been different. My thoughts go back to that family rape, murder and arson in Conn. a few years ago where only the Dad survived while his wife and two daughters ended up dead. I also pictured that crime in the Chicago suburbs a few years ago where a criminal entered a Lane Bryant store and apparently met no resistance when he tied up the clerks and customers, and then murdered all seven (or it might have been six) of them.

What do you think about the advice offered, and maybe more importantly, how do you think your female relatives would react in a similar situation? Unfortunately for me, I know that my wife and daughters, all of whom have an anti-gun, anti-violence demeanor would be totally unprepared to resist. I can only hope that maternal instinct would overcome their general denial of reality when it comes to possible violence against them and that they would resist if at all possible.

 

[Don Lovel]

two pissed off women with frying pans or rolling pins or baseball bats could have beat their way out of that situation, the mom is a touchy feely libtard who probably felt bad for the perp

 

[GunnyGene]

People are forever asking other people to tell them what the rules are. In a life threatening situation there are no rules; only choices & decisions.

 

[Fox Mike]

Fight, flight, or freeze are three basic instincts in ALL animals. We fall into that category. What each of us individually would decide to do in a stressful environment probably would not be exactly what the person next to you would decide. I would not feel qualified to give advice in such a situation,

 

[blume357]

to a degree, they are both right... the mom is right because no one ended up
'physically' harmed.... if it had gone the other way, then the daughter would have been totally right.

the one thing the mom has to live with for the rest of her life now is that she is partially responsible for what ever that perp does from now on... that is what I would tell Amy.

 

[Bull Barrel]

Amy needs to keep her job. If she had said to defend themselves or start carrying the papers might have dropped her column.

 

[gtxmonte]

Nobody except the ones that were present know the details. These two "women" and I use that term loosely, because one is a 14 year old, may have had little chance to overpower a MAN. He could have seriously outweighed the two of them put together. If your the mom, do you want to watch a man harm your daughter. Yes, it's a double edge sword........but it's NOT a question any of US can answer, as to what the right thing to do was, because we were not there

 

[Pat-inCO]

two pissed off women with frying pans or rolling pins or baseball bats
could have beat their way out of that situation, the mom is a touchy
feely libtard who probably felt bad for the perp

Don . . . . . there are times when you summarize the situation very well,
AND do it in a very entertaining way. 8)

 

[stevemb]

A story of two very lucky sheep, Amy a third.

 

[Kevin]

But the future for this mother and daughter might be very different now. What if this becomes the force behind them getting a carry permit and learning how to defend themselves? It might have been a life lesson for both of them. Not saying I'm glad it happened, but the fact they weren't physically harmed is good. Now how they handle themselves moving forward is the key.

 

[eveled]

I know you would not want to face my wife if she thought you might hurt one of our kids.

I've seen her drag her 6'3 brother across the room and stuff his head in a toilet just for peeing on the seat.

Can you imagine a mother bear letting you tie her and her cubs up?

 

[Aqualung]

It's a symptom of the "Give them what they want" mentality that is taught so much.

I know that given that situation, Mrs. Aqualung may end up hurt, or worse, but the perp sure wouldn't have an easy or painless time of it.

If the perp is willing to screw around and tie the women up, he's capable of doing much worse...

I think the mother should be ashamed of herself...especially since she's more disturbed that her daughter doesn't trust her and not that she came up short.

Somewhere along the line it's gotten into people's heads that things and lives aren't worth defending.

Someone once asked me why I carry a gun and what I would do if being robbed. I basically said that I would stop it, even if the bad guy ended up dead. The person responded with something like "what you have in your wallet is worth killing for?"

My response was something along the lines that the bad guy obviously made the choice that what was in my wallet might possibly be worth dying for.

I live in Philly where home invasions are quite common. I look at it like if someone is strong arming their way into a house, they're in it all-in, and in that case, so am I. I'm not about to rely on some thug's mercy for my or my family's survival. They may hurt me or my wife, but they'll be given the option to retreat in front of a good bit of resistance...or at least surrender to avoid injury.

The woman made the choice to leave their survival in the hands of the thug. Shame on her. It's part of taking responsibility for the protection of herself and her daughter. And just as bad, she prevented her daughter from taking on that responsibility. However, in her mind, she was protecting her from harm...

I don't have the answers and don't know everything going through the woman's mind. I'm also not a parent, so don't have that instinct. But the "let them take what they want" mentality only seems to encourage the bad guys to do bad things...

Aqualung

 

[Colonialgirl]

Remember what happened with the "Cooperate and give them what they want" during the Airliner hijackings just before 9/11 and the twin towers?

 

[toysoldier]

I have the comforting memory of seeing my daughter, in her Tae Kwon Do class, making a large punching bag dance with her kicks and punches.

 

[k22fan]

So far none of you have suggested that after mom pulled her daughter away from the burglar she should have kept pulling her to the door and back into their car where they could dial 911 from their cell phones. These days it is hard to find a female without her cell glued to her anatomy and rare to see a teenage girl not yakking on hers. Also why wasn't mom dialing 911 while the daughter bought time? If nothing else, blocking a victim from calling 911 is a separate felony in my state and one that is much more likely to be punished than residential burglary. Both of them swinging cast iron fry pans sounds best but we do not know if they could have gotten to them. Instructing the daughter to run sure sounds like a better idea than instructing her to submit.

 

[WendyZXZ]

Nobody except the ones that were present know the details. These two "women" and I use that term loosely, because one is a 14 year old, may have had little chance to overpower a MAN. He could have seriously outweighed the two of them put together. If your the mom, do you want to watch a man harm your daughter. Yes, it's a double edge sword........but it's NOT a question any of US can answer, as to what the right thing to do was, because we were not there

Exactly. Too few details here on so many things. Was the burglar just some punk kid as scared as they might have been or a hardened career criminal who is used to harming individuals who piss him off, which then leads to how exactly did the daughter plan to fight back? With a weapon(not mentioned) or did she just think she would punch him out like in an action movie and drop him like a toilet seat? From my teen years until now I have known girls then women who thought they can beat any guy because they could beat up their brother or boyfriend, no, not really those guys are not trying to hurt you. Most of us here have firearms, know how to use them and are willing too. No mention here about what weapons the two might have had or know how to use to really answer.

 

[Mike J]

I agree about retreating and calling the law being a viable option. I do believe it may have been the smartest. If retreat was not possible then my opinion is both should have fought because you really do not know what the other party will choose to do if you submit. I think Ask Amy should have suggested Mother & Daughter go take a self defense class together to help them reestablish their bond & so that they would be prepared if ever confronted with a similar situation in the future.