Time for Humor

[Colonialgirl]

HYMN # 365

A southern Baptist minister was completing a Temperance Sermon:

With Great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river".

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then, finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river".

Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The Song Leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our Closing song, Let sing Hymn #365,
WE SHALL GATHER AT THE RIVER".

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Apologies to those who may be Southern Baptists, NO INSULTS intended !

 

[blume357]

My mother used to tell that one..... often...

 

[bedfordboy]

HYMN # 365

A southern Baptist minister was completing a Temperance Sermon:

With Great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river".

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then, finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river".

Sermon complete, he then sat down.

The Song Leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our Closing song, Let sing Hymn #365,
WE SHALL GATHER AT THE RIVER".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apologies to those who may be Southern Baptists, NO INSULTS intended !

Well you know what they say about baptist, where ever you find four you’ll usually find a fifth again no offense intended

 

[Jeepnik]

Every time I hear someone wail about the evils of alcohol, I think about that little part about changing water into wine, not the other way around.

 

[Johnnu2]

Beer, wine, whiskey and legal weed.......... who's bringing the chips ???

J.

 

[wheelgun1958]

Beer, wine, whiskey and legal weed.......... who's bringing the chips ???

J.

Twinkies

 

[Bob Wright]

Every time I hear someone wail about the evils of alcohol, I think about that little part about changing water into wine, not the other way around.

I can't explain it away as some do, but then Scripture condemns drinking in many cases, especially so far as drunkenness is concerned. As for me, I refrain from drinking alcoholic drinks as it would be damaging to my testimony, especially where youngsters are concerned.

Bob Wright

 

[Bob Wright]

During my devotion this morning, and after a good breakfast, I related this story. This was a true story on one of our older men, who is now gone on to Heaven.

This man had a sense of humor like no one else did. He told of having breakfast one morning at a small cafe. He sat at the counter and the waitress came to take his order. "I'll heve two egss with bacon," he ordered.

"How do you want them cooked?" the waitress asked.

"I want one fried and one scrambled," he ordered. She took his order without comment and turned it in. In a few minutes she placed the plate in front of him. He said nothing but just gazed at his eggs, "Anything wrong?" asked the waitress.

"Well," he drawled, "You scrambled the wrong egg."

Bob Wright

 

[Kevin]

?

I guess I should ask how the bacon was cooked?

 

[Bear Paw Jack]

I can't explain it away as some do, but then Scripture condemns drinking in many cases, especially so far as drunkenness is concerned. As for me, I refrain from drinking alcoholic drinks as it would be damaging to my testimony, especially where youngsters are concerned.

Bob Wright

I’m right with you Bob. Years ago I heard a minister say, what adults do in moderation, kids excuse in excess. I didn’t want to be a bad example to my son.

 

[Bear Paw Jack]

Years ago I acquired an employee from a competitor of mine. After some time I asked my employee how he was to work for. Knowing his previous employer was a Mormon I was surprised to hear him say, he was good, you just didn’t want to take him fishing as he would drink up all the beer.

 

[eveled]

Ive heard them say that In Colonial America, they drank beer and tea because the water made them sick. It took a while to realize it was the boiling of the water that cleansed it.

No wonder we fought a revolution, everyone was drunk and wide awake!

 

[GypsmJim]

Beer, wine, whiskey and legal weed.......... who's bringing the chips ???

J.

My Tee-shirt reads: "Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Who's bringing the chips"

 

[Johnnu2]

GJ..... that's EXACTLY where I got it from............

J.

 

[Skeet 028]

I pretty much quit drinking when I went to work in the fire service. I wasn't quite 21. Way back when they made water into wine...it was safer to drink. Remember though a lot of wine turned into vinegar. My father in law made lots of wine...he drank it quick before it turned to vinegar. No fermentation locks for him. He had me help him grow a half acre of tobacco...he made a lot of it into chewing tobacco It wasn't bad...if you chewed. Gave a lot to old farmers. Thank goodness. He could live off the land. B1899 D 2001 He did like his whiskey though

 

[willicd76]

Years ago I acquired an employee from a competitor of mine. After some time I asked my employee how he was to work for. Knowing his previous employer was a Mormon I was surprised to hear him say, he was good, you just didn’t want to take him fishing as he would drink up all the beer.

Everything in moderation

 

[HoosierBilly1]

The Bible says in Proverbs 20: Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.

 

[pawncop]

The old story is “Why do you always take two Baptists with you when you go fishing? If you take only one Baptist, he will drink all your beer.”

 

[Achigan]

The Bible says in Proverbs 20: Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.

"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish and wine unto the bitter in soul: let him drink and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. Pv 31: 6,7.

 

[eveled]

I definitely have more use for vinegar than for wine.