Doc Humor

[peachhead]

I had to go to the ophthalmologist today for my every two year checkup. Of course they dilated my eyes, which makes them of course extremely sensitive to any sort of light.
It's funny you know they tell you don't look at the light and then they shine this light right in your eyeball
I told my doctor, this has got to be the brightest light in existence. He said, with a straight face, it could be worse, at least we're not the dentist.

 

[Jim Walsh]

I have no personal animus towards dentists, I just hate it when I am the next victim. If it were feasible I’d pay someone to go to the dentist in my place.

 

[Richard76]

I had to get a new Dr. last time I went for a physical I had to ask, Doc I know why I'm naked, why are you?

 

[RoninPA]

I was at the dentist a few weeks back. I told the dental assistant (a nice young lady) that I don't hate dentists but I was in the military for 26 years and if I was ever a POW and they came at me with dental tools, I'd put up my hands and say "I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW" She just laughed.

 

[Yaworski]

It's funny you know they tell you don't look at the light and then they shine this light right in your eyeball
I told my doctor, this has got to be the brightest light in existence. He said, with a straight face, it could be worse, at least we're not the dentist.

If you want to have some real fun, have fundus photos taken. They dilate your eyes then shine the superbright light in your eyes while they take about fifty photos of each eye. All you can see is a purple blob for about a half an hour.

 

[Joey]

My greatest fear.

 

[Joey]

I went to the Gastro clinic for my colonoscopy, When I came to I asked the doc if he had found my head in there, my wife is always telling me I have my head up my ass.........

 

[eveled]

Dentists get a bad rap. Life without them would be hell.

I suffered through my entire 20’s with tooth problems. I finally got insurance and my finance introduced me to her family’s dentist. Took about a year, but it was absolutely life changing.

Still I see the humor, and understand it isn’t enjoyable to see the dentist.

 

[peachhead]

My greatest fear.

this is one of the greatest skits ever. Conway is just a comedic genius.
This one and Foster Brooks/Dean Martin, Airline Pilot.

 

[pie]

 

[Jack Ryan]

I never had or met a doctor with any sense of humor at all until I saw a male dermatologist. Dr. Bob knows when to laugh and when to look serious.

 

[Terry Morgan]

I had to get a new Dr. last time I went for a physical I had to ask, Doc I know why I'm naked, why are you?

Dr. doing prostate exam: "Now James, don't get nervous and don't get aroused."
Patient: "But Doctor, my name is William."
Dr. " I know. MY name is James."

 

[wproct]

I always hated it when the dentist would have to give me a shot and numb my mouth out. Then you would try to drink something and it would run down your chin. I had a supervisor who never took a shot when they drilled on his teeth. I asked him how he could stand that and he said it just didn't hurt that much to him, he would rather do it with no shot versus the numbness you had to deal with afterwards. o_O

A couple of times I would need a small filling and my dentist said he thought I would be able to get it done without the shot. He would just barely touch my tooth with the drill and I informed him right away that this wasn't gonna work for me.:mad: I know I may be a sissy but that's just the way it is for me.

 

[Paul B]

My proctologist just happened to be a very attractive blonde woman with a good sense of humor. I take my colonoscopies without sedation and she always cracks off with I hope you enjoyed my session of carnal knowledge with you.

On a more serious note, you can do a colonoscapy without sedation. Since my battle wth cancer, I've had about 5 or 6 of the darn things and after the first one when the next one came up I had no one to transport me to and from the hospital. I was told that I could do it without sedation and I've been doing the without sedation ever since.I saw no difference in what discomfort there was during the procedures. Your choice.
Paul B.

 

[Richard76]

My proctologist just happened to be a very attractive blonde woman with a good sense of humor. I take my colonoscopies without sedation and she always cracks off with I hope you enjoyed my session of carnal knowledge with you.

On a more serious note, you can do a colonoscapy without sedation. Since my battle wth cancer, I've had about 5 or 6 of the darn things and after the first one when the next one came up I had no one to transport me to and from the hospital. I was told that I could do it without sedation and I've been doing the without sedation ever since.I saw no difference in what discomfort there was during the procedures. Your choice.
Paul B.

I'll take sedation

 

[peachhead]

I'll take sedation

Me too.

 

[jimbo1096]

Me three
That’s the only good part of the procedure

 

[RoninPA]

When I had my first one done, when I woke up the anesthesiologist was there to check on me. I told him that was the best sleep I had ever had. I asked if he made house calls. He grinned and said, " You couldn't afford me." then, "You know why we get paid better than a surgeon? I said "No why?". He replied, "We put you this close (pinched his fingers close together) to death, and then bring you back". He saw the look on my face and told me he was just kidding, that in colonoscopies he uses stuff that completely relaxes you and puts you out better than you could ever sleep.

 

[Richard76]

Me three
That’s the only good part of the procedure

best nap ever

 

[Terry Morgan]

When I had my first one done, when I woke up the anesthesiologist was there to check on me. I told him that was the best sleep I had ever had. I asked if he made house calls. He grinned and said, " You couldn't afford me." then, "You know why we get paid better than a surgeon? I said "No why?". He replied, "We put you this close (pinched his fingers close together) to death, and then bring you back". He saw the look on my face and told me he was just kidding, that in colonoscopies he uses stuff that completely relaxes you and puts you out better than you could ever sleep.

Didn't Michael Jackson use the same stuff?

 

[peachhead]

Didn't Michael Jackson use the same stuff?

Yep propofol
That's what my anesthesiologist told me, anyway.

 

[GrumpyOldMan]

If you want to have some real fun, have fundus photos taken. They dilate your eyes then shine the superbright light in your eyes while they take about fifty photos of each eye. All you can see is a purple blob for about a half an hour.

Been there, done that - multiple times.

 

[Danjet500]

Me three
That’s the only good part of the procedure

That and the fart wars in the recovery room.

 

[Monster045]

So I went for my prostate exam, went as scheduled but he noticed a mark on my back that he wanted to test for cancer. We scheduled an appointment for the next week. I’m in the room, nurse is getting everything layed out, gloves, suture kit etc. my doctor comes in and asks the nurse … don’t we have any extra large gloves, I’ve got the biggest hands in the office. To which I replied,’ just my luck’ my doc burst into laughter lol

 

[peachhead]

So I went for my prostate exam, went as scheduled but he noticed a mark on my back that he wanted to test for cancer. We scheduled an appointment for the next week. I’m in the room, nurse is getting everything layed out, gloves, suture kit etc. my doctor comes in and asks the nurse … don’t we have any extra large gloves, I’ve got the biggest hands in the office. To which I replied,’ just my luck’ my doc burst into laughter lol

Hope everything goes well next week, or was this from an earlier experience?

 

[Jeepnik]

I had a small cyst being removed from my side right at the belt line. Easy job, local anesthetic. Just after the procedure began the doctor says "OOPS".

Turns out it was the "head" of a much larger tumor kind of poking out through the muscle wall. Ended up requiring the whole big surgical thing including hospitalization.

But trust me, you never want to hear your surgeon say "oops".

 

[nekvermont]

I had a small cyst being removed from my side right at the belt line. Easy job, local anesthetic. Just after the procedure began the doctor says "OOPS".

Turns out it was the "head" of a much larger tumor kind of poking out through the muscle wall. Ended up requiring the whole big surgical thing including hospitalization.

But trust me, you never want to hear your surgeon say "oops".

Or Hmmmm.

 

[3manfan]

"Hey Doc..... it hurts when I do this"

"Then stop doing that"

 

[Jack Ryan]

Dr. doing prostate exam: "Now James, don't get nervous and don't get aroused."
Patient: "But Doctor, my name is William."
Dr. " I know. MY name is James."

Lot of prostate jokes out there. Some of them are patients.

Doctor was doing an "exam" one time with a new patient. Suddenly exclaims, There's your problem you aren't suppose to stuff roses up there." And the patients says back READ THE CARD READ THE CARD!

 

[Jeepnik]

"Hey Doc..... it hurts when I do this"

"Then stop doing that"

I'm going in for one of those tomorrow.