Things that shouldn't be shared.

[M118LR]

Well, Thing 2 and her clan came down for the 4th. Her husband's Grandmother was in a bad way. The GMA's caretaker notified all those on that side of the family that it was time to gather at Fort Pierce.

Took them until Tuesday to get an Air B&B. So they traveled down leaving me with all the dogs. Got there just in time to witness the flashing light on GMA's room at the hospital. She was gone seconds before any of them could spend a moment to say goodbye. When the time comes, how important are those trivial seconds of daily life? How long is it going to take them to quit kicking themselves for not picking up and heading down when they got the call.

Prayers are not needed, she was a nurse and a God Fearing Person. Her path is preordained. Yet those that arrived to late to say goodbye have to live with their decisions. Sad.

 

[M118LR]

So here is the bottom line. I'm looking for a third song. I have a Granddaughter Michelle, so Terry Jack is doing one. Followed by Those were the days Mary Hopkins. What should follow?





Considering Elvis.


Mortality sucks!

 

[Big John]

 

[Mobuck]

When Mom died, I was the only one with her. This was sort of 'planned' since I was 'the baby' of the family. When Mother in Law died, all her children, their spouses and Grandkids were with her.
Neither of these opposites changed the outcome. The person dying probably doesn't know/care who's there. This 'being there' is only important for the survivors so however they feel is the issue. If the family hissed, snarled, and growled rather than held hands and supported each other, let THEM feel the pain.

 

[peachhead]

Maybe they preferred to keep their memories from earlier times, and should not be made to feel guilty about their decisions.

 

[kmoore]

Not sure how important it is for most. Me it's real important. My mother passed in 2007. She was fine for being 74 when I left for an out of state vacation. Phoned her everyday, on day 4 she started failing fast. I cut vacation way short and made it home, She passed 3 days after I arrived.
When my wife was told she had 2 weeks to live, I phoned her 4 sisters and 3 brothers. All from out of state. 2 refused to come, I understand. Some can't handle it. The others arrived all on the same day and spend time talking with her while she could still talk. My wife thanked me and her family thanked me. The 2 others phoned her that day.
Weeks after she was gone, I found a letter she wrote to me. She wrote that she was so happy I brought her family together to see her 1 last time. She couldn't believe I pulled that off.
So, for some the last visit is important.
I will be there for some close friends unless they say not to.

 

[M118LR]

Now comes the difficult part. They are rummaging through the house attempting to find insurance, will, anything to determine how-where she wished her remains to be cared for. Without any knowledge of her wishes and without any manner of payment, they will have to have her cremated at their expense and have a memorial mass.

Most folks don't want to talk, think, or plan for their final arrangements, but perhaps some type of counseling or group plan should come along with Social Security so that final arrangements are funded and prepared?

A small suitcase in the gun safe with all the insurance policies, financial documents, home paperwork, any final arrangement programs purchased, etc would make the tasks of those left behind, less burdensome.

Yes she is gone and has no worries, but in this time of grief those she left behind have the extra burden of making and financing all the final arrangements.

 

[RugerForMe]

My wife went down to TX the week before July 4th to help her Mom and Dad sort through things as they were getting ready to sell the house and move into an apartment.
My wife got there on a Saturday, her Dad went into the hospital for a test on Monday, they found out he had stage 4 colon cancer, he deteriorated fast, my wife flew back on Sunday and he passed on Monday.
I was so grateful she was able to spend the time with him, maybe not the best of times but still was there. We will be heading back down next week.

Her sister was supposed to help but put it off for a week and didn't get there in time to say goodbye.

I kind of did the same with my older sister, I waited to call her, and she passed unexpectedly before I did. Lessoned learned if you want to do something do it don't wait.

 

[vito]

I wasn’t at the bedside when either of my parents died. But I did get to spend time with my Dad in the weeks before his death in the hospital. He was in a lot of pain and was given meds for that which kept him sleeping most of the time. I terribly regret that i was not more aware of how little I really knew of his early life, and could have tried to use those final days to talk to him about it. And he was only 62.

My Mom died at 103, after years of increasingly loss from Alzheimer’s, so spending time with her did nothing for her, and little for me. When she finally passed I saw it as a blessing rather than a tragedy.

 

[xTopGun]

Mom passed in the middle of the night in the hospital, but we were all by her side the evening before.... and I think she passed as she wanted, no one crying over her

Dad "did his own thing" after struggling with kidney failure at age 86. Just a few weeks earlier I had visited and took them both for a long drive through the Adirondacks. Along the way Dad got cold, which I found out later was a common result of dialysis, and fortunately I always kept some sort of blanket in our vehicle for emergency use. Well, this was an emergency, and Dad put it to good use, so much so that when we got back he took it inside with him and sat down in his easy chair and covered himself with it. Months late after he passed and Mom was distributing certain keepsakes, she gave me back my blanket and said, "he used it every day and had said that it was the only blanket that made him feel warm..." - - - jus damn ...

ain't none of us coming out of this alive; so all of ya, enjoy want you can while you can . . . . .

 

[kmoore]

Now comes the difficult part. They are rummaging through the house attempting to find insurance, will, anything to determine how-where she wished her remains to be cared for. Without any knowledge of her wishes and without any manner of payment, they will have to have her cremated at their expense and have a memorial mass.

Most folks don't want to talk, think, or plan for their final arrangements, but perhaps some type of counseling or group plan should come along with Social Security so that final arrangements are funded and prepared?

A small suitcase in the gun safe with all the insurance policies, financial documents, home paperwork, any final arrangement programs purchased, etc would make the tasks of those left behind, less burdensome.

Yes she is gone and has no worries, but in this time of grief those she left behind have the extra burden of making and financing all the final arrangements.

Wills or trusts aren't that difficult to have done for most of us. When my wife was alive we never did any planning. After she passed I created a trust for my 2 sons. They each have a copy. My safe combo is added into their copies but no mentioning it's my safe combo. Their any a different state, 8 hour drive away. Not worried if someone there steals the copies and figure out the code.

 

[Colonialgirl]

My Mom was living in Southern Cal and my older brother was living with her; I use to fly out to visit at least twice a year, One day my brother called me and said he was putting Mom in the hospital because she had pneumonia; He called the next day and said the doctors told him she was NOT responding to the medications. I told him she was passing away because my Dad was gone as were all of her sisters and she had said that IF GOD called her HOME she was ready to go; So she was NOT fighting the infection, She passed away that night. Unfortunately I didn't have the money for an airline ticket then, but she would have been gone before I could get there.

 

[BigPapa53]

They found melanoma in my Granny that had metastasized to her brain. They told us it was the best way to go, she'd have no pain and would start sleeping more every day, and then she would pass in her sleep. She never left the hospital. Our son was about 8 months old and she wanted us to bring him. He sat on that bed playing with her and laughing for hours that day. She got to feed him and hold him while he took a nap. It meant a lot to her. It turned out just as they said, she passed away in her sleep four days later. Man I miss her.

 

[Yaworski]

Kansas, Dust in the wind.

 

[jav]

I was at bed side when my mom died my dad died at the hospital I wax there that morning

 

[Yaworski]

Now comes the difficult part. They are rummaging through the house attempting to find insurance, will, anything to determine how-where she wished her remains to be cared for.

I figure that making them hunt for stuff is payback for all the ER visits, wrecked cars, burying boyfriends, and the like.

 

[RonEgg]

I and three of my sisters were with my father when he died of dementia at the VA hospital in Big Springs Texas. He was 93. My mother died with one of my sisters with her, the day before her 97th birthday. The whole family was gathering for her birthday the next day.