Obviously, some accounts like retirement accounts are in one name. But they have the other as beneficiary in the event of death. After fifty odd years it just works.
Shared finances
- Thread starter vito
- Start date
My wife of 42 years and I have always had separate finances and that is why we are still married. I pay for the simple little things like the utilities and groceries and her gas and she has always paid the big things like the mortgage and insurance for the house as well as the taxes for it. We never filed a joint tax return until 2020 when I got hurt and slowed down working. (filing jointly cost me about 10K in social security last year because of her ex-accountants mistake, but that is a different story) But the key part is I have no investments or real property and pretty much live off what I make week to week. With that said if she dies before me I will get an allowance from her trust until I go, then her trust will be divided between several charities and our church. We have no children and she does not want my little brother to get any of her property.
She comes from a strange family it seems... her sister lived for years in very poor conditions on capital hill until it got so bad her neighbors who had been looking after her insisted we bring her down here and put her in care.... her row house in D.C. was in the condition you would not let your worst enemy live in, well maybe. She died this past October and in settling her estate it seems some of it will go to the local animal shelter.... they are going to name a building after her.... figure that one out.
She comes from a strange family it seems... her sister lived for years in very poor conditions on capital hill until it got so bad her neighbors who had been looking after her insisted we bring her down here and put her in care.... her row house in D.C. was in the condition you would not let your worst enemy live in, well maybe. She died this past October and in settling her estate it seems some of it will go to the local animal shelter.... they are going to name a building after her.... figure that one out.
"doesn't mean you would get access to the money unless it is to go to you in a will,"
That's where 'probate' comes in and it's a very expensive scenario.
That's where 'probate' comes in and it's a very expensive scenario.
GasGuzzler
Hawkeye
This is pretty close to Biblical. And to add to that, my wife does not and has not worked outside the home since a couple years into our marriage nearly 28 years ago. I make the money, I pay the bills, she shares in it all. Two kids in high school one in college, one graduated from college and I don't see any of it changing any time soon.
OP
One of the downsides to my joint arrangement is that I have always been the one to handle the bills and everything else related to money. During my year in Vietnam she took care of everything (my entire paycheck minus a few bucks went directly to our checking account which she managed at the time). But as soon as I returned she wanted me to resume taking charge of this aspect of our lives, and that has been the case ever since. I actually have tried to get her to sit down and see how I manage bills and keep track of things, just on the possibility that I could drop dead or get killed out on the road, but in our long marriage I have never been successful in getting her to learn or think about how she would handle things. I think in reality if I were to kick the bucket, she would turn to one of our daughters, both responsible and mature women, to help her get things organized at the time and I have come to accept this, knowing that I won't be having any thoughts on this once I am gone.
48 years ago after the divorce of a 3 year marriage to my high school sweetheart, I started dating a bakery clerk in the supermarket we both worked for. She was 5 years younger than me and cute and a nice person. Very quickly, she moved in with me. We married 45 years ago and have had a great marriage and we work well as a team. When we first met, she made decent money and had an apartment and a new car but didn't save much but that is due to living on her own with all the expenses. We've lived a moderately conservative lifestyle, had two kids, moved up in houses a couple times and had great credit. Somewhere before we were married, we combined our incomes.....don't remember what year but fairly early in the relationship. I did the bills at first and we've always had great credit scores. I bought one of the first IBM PC clones and used an accounting package to do our bills and somewhere around the mid 1980's, I had an issue with balancing the checking. I asked my wife to look at it and she found the error and asked if I wanted her to keep doing the checking account. At the time, she had quit working to raise the children until they got in the later grades. Well, she took it and I've never looked back! She did and does do an outstanding job of it.
She always had had money set aside for things that were coming up. When our daughter was getting married, she had a total for all the wedding functions. We didn't do the big wedding like so many do today but it was a nice wedding with a fairly reasonable cost. I asked her where we were going to come up with the funds and she said "Oh, I've been planning and already have the money set aside"!! That put a smile on my face. She had been very good at the finances but that gave me a whole new respect for her "system"! I used to make things happen but SHE HAD/HAS A SYSTEM!!
I asked her a few years ago to show me how she did it and she did. I told her if she became sick and incapacitated, I would not have a clue! I made some notes and watched her run through her system. I have an idea but think I may have her show me again in the future. I always told/tell our kids and grandkids to go see Nanna if you want to find out the best way to manage your bills.
Also, over the years, she had been very generous with allowing me funds to restore classic cars, coin collecting and gun collecting. And with everything else, we have things we both do around the house but over the years and overall, we make a great team! I'm a lucky guy.
OLE442
She always had had money set aside for things that were coming up. When our daughter was getting married, she had a total for all the wedding functions. We didn't do the big wedding like so many do today but it was a nice wedding with a fairly reasonable cost. I asked her where we were going to come up with the funds and she said "Oh, I've been planning and already have the money set aside"!! That put a smile on my face. She had been very good at the finances but that gave me a whole new respect for her "system"! I used to make things happen but SHE HAD/HAS A SYSTEM!!
I asked her a few years ago to show me how she did it and she did. I told her if she became sick and incapacitated, I would not have a clue! I made some notes and watched her run through her system. I have an idea but think I may have her show me again in the future. I always told/tell our kids and grandkids to go see Nanna if you want to find out the best way to manage your bills.
Also, over the years, she had been very generous with allowing me funds to restore classic cars, coin collecting and gun collecting. And with everything else, we have things we both do around the house but over the years and overall, we make a great team! I'm a lucky guy.
OLE442
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I'm wondering if this may be a generational thing.
Do you handle it like your parents did?
Do you handle it like your parents did?
Armybrat
Hunter
I am a lot like Ole442.
My wife & I have had joint accounts ever since we married 57 years ago.
We never thought about doing any financials separately, and since we both retired 20 years ago, she has handled all our bookkeeping because she is better at it..
My wife & I have had joint accounts ever since we married 57 years ago.
We never thought about doing any financials separately, and since we both retired 20 years ago, she has handled all our bookkeeping because she is better at it..
Vito, I am currently trying again to get my wife up to speed on finances. Odds are I will die first. She really needs to learn this. So far it a dismal failure.
Joint bank account since 1976. Wife pays the bills on line . I handle the IRAs, and taxable investments after discussing the why and what aspects with her. I write the checks the various government agencies require. We spend less than we could and its works for us.
The first 30 years we were married, I paid the bills and although we both had our own accounts after a couple of years then I decided we needed to buy a place to live so I started the old envelope system and be as tight as possible. What ever was left we saved until we had enough money to custom order a mobile home. We started again and bought a regular house, then went to another. When I decided I wanted to increase our retirement and by that time I was 62, and didn’t know how much time I had, so I told her, she needed to take responsibility for paying the bills. I preferred my system but there’s no point in criticizing.
After I retired we moved to Idaho for a while, and bought some real estate. I decided if I died first we needed to come back to Alaska where her sisters live and our son and grandkids are. Sold our houses and re-bought here. Then I sat down with her and explained that if I died first she had nothing to worry about, and went through the money she would have.
I wish both BIL’s would do that with their wives. I know one sister is worried sick. Security is important to women, every man needs to do that.
After I retired we moved to Idaho for a while, and bought some real estate. I decided if I died first we needed to come back to Alaska where her sisters live and our son and grandkids are. Sold our houses and re-bought here. Then I sat down with her and explained that if I died first she had nothing to worry about, and went through the money she would have.
I wish both BIL’s would do that with their wives. I know one sister is worried sick. Security is important to women, every man needs to do that.
Oh my gosh, no,no,no. My parents were really good loving people who cared for their family. But… my mother could not pull herself away from putting money in her father’s real estate ventures. He was a less than honorable man and tried to get all of his children involved in his planned dynasty. My mother’s siblings decided to get out, but my mother did not her entire life. It almost destroyed my parents marriage. Finally my father split our family business income and kept separate accounts from my mother. It was sad really. My grandfather really was an immoral man that negatively impacted those around.
Actually come to think of it, my grandmother even kept her money away from her husband because he was untrustworthy.
we've been married 52 years and from day one my wife has handled the bill paying. She was a business major and very well organized. I worked in the oilfields and spent a lot of time away from home. We talked about finances and how to make ends meet but she was the book keeper. I've always trusted her completely and never questioned how she managed funds.
I retired 7 years ago and at that time we set up a trust so that our 2 kids and their families won't have to spend any time in court or any money on lawyers. I whole heartedly recommend setting up a trust for your own peace of mind so that whatever you've put together goes where you want it to go when you're gone. There's a cost (pay a lawyer) to set it up, but it's waaaay cheaper then turning your estate over to the court to figure out.
I retired 7 years ago and at that time we set up a trust so that our 2 kids and their families won't have to spend any time in court or any money on lawyers. I whole heartedly recommend setting up a trust for your own peace of mind so that whatever you've put together goes where you want it to go when you're gone. There's a cost (pay a lawyer) to set it up, but it's waaaay cheaper then turning your estate over to the court to figure out.
