Electric fence 101

[schotzfyred]

I've posted this on other forums, but it never fails to bring tears of laughter..


>>
>> If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has
>> one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but
>> 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.
>>
>>
>>
>> We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few
>> months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in
>> the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got
>> an electric fence and ran a single wire along the fence top.
>>
>> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had,
>> made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground
>> rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is
>> the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the
>> fence works.
>>
>> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp
>> big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in
>> the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I
>> pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to
>> throw it out of the way.
>>
>> It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
>>
>> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my
>> right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand.
>> Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery
>> and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
>>
>> Time stood still.
>>
>> The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the
>> front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel
>> the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every
>> time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark
>> in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.
>>
>> It seems as though the fence charger and the piece POS
>> lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical
>> impulses.
>>
>> Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I
>> beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my
>> bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second.
>> It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping
>> along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap
>> your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between
>> but in reality it was so close together, it was like exhaust
>> pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
>>
>> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into
>> holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire
>> palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all
>> about electric fences ... but Dad always had those POS
>> chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts
>> and just kinda tickled.
>>
>> This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is
>> now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex
>> river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have
>> to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
>>
>> 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
>>
>> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into
>> a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower
>> race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my
>> chest I think 'Oh God please die ..... Pleeeeaze die'. But
>> nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and
>> remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for
>> the go command from its owner's right foot.
>>
>> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity,
>> standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not
>> take me that day.... he left me there covered in my own fluids
>> to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
>>
>> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....
>>
>> I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was
>> beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was
>> sunburned.
>> There were two large dead grass spots where I had been
>> standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire
>> had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I
>> assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing
>> had somehow let go of the wire.
>>
>> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few
>> things:
>>
>> 1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.
>>
>> 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right
>> butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
>>
>> 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell
>> as bad as you might think.
>>
>> 4 - My left eye will not open.
>>
>> 5 - My right eye will not close.
>>
>> 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think
>> our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something,
>> because it was better than new after that.
>>
>> 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a
>> foot long.
>>
>> 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while
>> thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
>>
>> That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for
>> things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always
>> triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
>>
>> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the
>> fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do
>> to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over,
>> which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
>

 

[fiasconva]

Great one! If you think you can't do a backflip from a standing position try peeing on an electric fence. One of my high school hunting buddies did just that even though we warned him not to do it. For some reason that was the last time he went hunting with us.

 

[Mobuck]

Some of the 'high joule output' fencers are nearly that bad. I mean they make your joints hurt for considerable time. They might make you wet yourself which would only add to the effect.
This is what it takes to keep goats inside the fence so I have first hand knowledge of the jolt from my own accidental contacts.

 

[Robb Barnes]

Growing up I had nine foster brothers and sisters, none of which grew up on farm line ours. One of the brothers was 14 z as c we are down doing chores one evening and decided to see what would happen. I warned him and when he unzipped I made sure I was standing behind him and watched the show. Amazing how high a guy can jump from a flat foooted stance when on old time constant fencer goes through a dummies tool and jewels. I saw him years later when both our kids ran against each other at a high school track meet so I guess no permanent damage occurred that day.

 

[Colonialgirl]

As a teenager, I was out fishing one time and came upon an electric fence, I got down on my knees, pushed my fishing rod under the fence and then ducking down lower, I tried crawling UNDER the fence; I woke up laying flat on the ground shortly there after. I STILL have a "White Hair Spot" on one place on my head.

 

[contender]

It's been a long time since I read this,, but it still makes me laugh!

 

[Watertender]

My uncle used to hunt raccoons and I was occasionally allowed to go with him on a Friday or Saturday night. One night he had his friend from work with him. It was about 10pm and his friend was slightly inebriated. He was not watching what he was doing and decided to get rid of some second hand beer against a tree that happened to have an electric fence attached to it. I never heard such a war whoop in all of my life. The guy was instantly sober after he whizzed all over himself trying to stop going. I guess the electrical impulses were just the right frequency that he couldn't stop whizzing. My uncle and I laughed so hard that we didn't go hunting that night.

 

[KS25-06]

+
Many will not believe this story, but it did happen. A friend and I were hunting coyotes one winter night with about 6" of snow on the ground. Shot a coyote in a field with an electric fence around it. Since they were worth $40.00, he went to bring it back to the pickup. He had a can of beer in his left hand. Being about 6'4" he stepped over the electric fence, but made contact with it. Do not know what kind of charger was on it, but he let out a loud war whoop and the beer was foaming out of that can. He did go ahead and bring back the coyote. We laughed about that for years

 

[Dan in MI]

That's easy to believe. For years I used to step through between two hot wires. I was with my brother and his friend when they got on their belly and crawled under. I razzed them about crawling. As I was straddling the wire the hairs on my neck connected. I went straight down, which made me go straight up, which made me go down again. This time on the way up I was able to angle and get my shoulder followed by a thigh on the dive out. For some odd reason they were laughing hysterically.

That's not my only contact with hot wires, not even the worst, but it does bring more joy to others than my other escapades.

 

[weaselmeatgravy]

20+ years ago I was living with a woman who had horses and a cock-a-poo. We were down at the barn one day and she unhooked the electric fence gate and lay the wire on the ground while she tended horses. The dog came down to see what was up and after being ignored for a minute or two, he sat down... right on the wire. That little furball shot up about 6 feet in the air! We laughed for what seemed like hours.

 

[Fox Mike]

You jump one and even touch the wire ... so long as no part is touching the ground. Do NOT let one foot touch the wire when the other foot makes it to the ground.! That will begin a dance routine that was never rehearsed. Fred Astaire never had moves like I had.

 

[Wyandot Jim]

When I was around 15 and living at home I made a 110 volt hot wire around my Mom's flower bed that the neighbors Cats used as a crapper. I used Coke bottles tied to wood stakes as insulators put the ground wire in the ground and the hot wire around the bottle tops.
Cats can jump real high when they put their nose to the wire.

By the way I hate electric fences. My buddy who was two years older and I would have to go over/under one that was on our route when we went plinking in the woods. One time he touched it to see if it was on and he told me it was not. Well I grabbed it to climb over WHAT a shock. He had rubber boots on and I had leather boots on. Science 101
Another time he told me if I took a leak on it it would blow the fuse for it and we could get over it. It blew a fuse alright but not the Farmers

 

[BearBiologist]

Years ago, when I worked for US Fish and Wildlife in Central California, I was tasked with doing a Biological Opinion for the California Department of Corrections on the installation of electrified fences for all California prisons. A Biological Opinion is an analysis of the expected impacts to endangered and threated species by a proposed project permitted, carried out or funded by the Feds. During the project design phase, I met and had discussions with state and other Federal agencies. Research and experience from LE showed that career criminals often jolted each other with stun guns to increase their tolerance to electric shock.

The State of California therefore determined that a mortal level of voltage should be applied the first time rather than a progression of stronger shocks. The State, in its wisdom, determined this voltage was "safe but lethal"! Go figure!

 

[Dan in MI]

You jump one and even touch the wire ... so long as no part is touching the ground. Do NOT let one foot touch the wire when the other foot makes it to the ground.! That will begin a dance routine that was never rehearsed. Fred Astaire never had moves like I had.

This one is just for you based on your avatar.

Predawn sitting in my treestand I kept seeing, and hearing, a spark on the hot wire 100 yards off. I mentally marked the post and checked it out later. A tree frog had his rear feet on the T post and what once was his front foot on the hot wire. The foot was gone but the forearm was close enought to ge a good arc.

 

[jimbo1096]

Where I lived before we had a very ornate pole lamp in the front yard. Every Christmas I would change the lamps in it to multicolor blinking so as to enhance the holiday spirit.
Never had a problem with the pole until one night the neighbor's dog, a large GS - husky mix, came over to see what all was going out in my yard. Then he commenced to take a pee and chose my pretty lamp post. He got about two squirts out and let out a wavering howl while still locked up, finally flopped over, guess he ran out of liquids, and then took off running while howling all the time. He never came back again.
Later we found it was put in with just two wires in romex and the casing had been hit with a shovel while digging in the flower bed. Guess about the same contact as an electric fence.

 

[redfernclan]

I remember visiting my Aunt and Uncle out in the country when I was about 7 or 8. They had warned us about the electric fence in the back yard. Of course that's where we headed. Upon closer inspection, we figured there was room to shimmy under the wire. Got through fine, played with the neighbors horses for a while and headed home. I shimmied back under the wire and wasn't sure if I had cleared it yet. Turned me head to look and my lip touched the wire. That was my first experience with an electric fence and because of it, never had the desire to try peeing on one.

 

[Watertender]

One of my guilty pleasures is the Ren and Stimpy Show. They have a game called "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence". It's worth watching!

 

[rexp47]

When i was 6-7 yrs old , my Dad would make an 110v electic fence that used a light bulb to decided how hot it was, he used 15 watt unless some of the steers keep getting out, he would change to 100 watt bulb ome applacation and the steers wouldn't get within 6 ft

 

[jimbo1096]

 

[Ride1949]