Electric fence 101

[schotzfyred]

I've posted this on other forums, but it never fails to bring tears of laughter..


>>
>> If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has
>> one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but
>> 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.
>>
>>
>>
>> We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few
>> months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in
>> the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got
>> an electric fence and ran a single wire along the fence top.
>>
>> Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had,
>> made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground
>> rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is
>> the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the
>> fence works.
>>
>> One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp
>> big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in
>> the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I
>> pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to
>> throw it out of the way.
>>
>> It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
>>
>> Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my
>> right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand.
>> Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery
>> and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
>>
>> Time stood still.
>>
>> The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the
>> front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel
>> the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every
>> time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark
>> in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.
>>
>> It seems as though the fence charger and the piece POS
>> lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical
>> impulses.
>>
>> Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I
>> beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my
>> bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second.
>> It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping
>> along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap
>> your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between
>> but in reality it was so close together, it was like exhaust
>> pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
>>
>> At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into
>> holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire
>> palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all
>> about electric fences ... but Dad always had those POS
>> chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts
>> and just kinda tickled.
>>
>> This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is
>> now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex
>> river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have
>> to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
>>
>> 'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
>>
>> Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into
>> a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower
>> race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my
>> chest I think 'Oh God please die ..... Pleeeeaze die'. But
>> nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and
>> remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for
>> the go command from its owner's right foot.
>>
>> So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity,
>> standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not
>> take me that day.... he left me there covered in my own fluids
>> to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
>>
>> I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....
>>
>> I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was
>> beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was
>> sunburned.
>> There were two large dead grass spots where I had been
>> standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire
>> had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I
>> assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing
>> had somehow let go of the wire.
>>
>> Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few
>> things:
>>
>> 1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.
>>
>> 2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right
>> butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
>>
>> 3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell
>> as bad as you might think.
>>
>> 4 - My left eye will not open.
>>
>> 5 - My right eye will not close.
>>
>> 6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think
>> our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something,
>> because it was better than new after that.
>>
>> 7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a
>> foot long.
>>
>> 8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while
>> thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
>>
>> That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for
>> things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always
>> triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
>>
>> The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the
>> fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do
>> to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over,
>> which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
>

 

[fiasconva]

Great one! If you think you can't do a backflip from a standing position try peeing on an electric fence. One of my high school hunting buddies did just that even though we warned him not to do it. For some reason that was the last time he went hunting with us.

 

[Mobuck]

Some of the 'high joule output' fencers are nearly that bad. I mean they make your joints hurt for considerable time. They might make you wet yourself which would only add to the effect.
This is what it takes to keep goats inside the fence so I have first hand knowledge of the jolt from my own accidental contacts.

 

[Robb Barnes]

Growing up I had nine foster brothers and sisters, none of which grew up on farm line ours. One of the brothers was 14 z as c we are down doing chores one evening and decided to see what would happen. I warned him and when he unzipped I made sure I was standing behind him and watched the show. Amazing how high a guy can jump from a flat foooted stance when on old time constant fencer goes through a dummies tool and jewels. I saw him years later when both our kids ran against each other at a high school track meet so I guess no permanent damage occurred that day.

 

[Colonialgirl]

As a teenager, I was out fishing one time and came upon an electric fence, I got down on my knees, pushed my fishing rod under the fence and then ducking down lower, I tried crawling UNDER the fence; I woke up laying flat on the ground shortly there after. I STILL have a "White Hair Spot" on one place on my head.

 

[contender]

It's been a long time since I read this,, but it still makes me laugh!

 

[Watertender]

My uncle used to hunt raccoons and I was occasionally allowed to go with him on a Friday or Saturday night. One night he had his friend from work with him. It was about 10pm and his friend was slightly inebriated. He was not watching what he was doing and decided to get rid of some second hand beer against a tree that happened to have an electric fence attached to it. I never heard such a war whoop in all of my life. The guy was instantly sober after he whizzed all over himself trying to stop going. I guess the electrical impulses were just the right frequency that he couldn't stop whizzing. My uncle and I laughed so hard that we didn't go hunting that night.

 

[KS25-06]

+
Many will not believe this story, but it did happen. A friend and I were hunting coyotes one winter night with about 6" of snow on the ground. Shot a coyote in a field with an electric fence around it. Since they were worth $40.00, he went to bring it back to the pickup. He had a can of beer in his left hand. Being about 6'4" he stepped over the electric fence, but made contact with it. Do not know what kind of charger was on it, but he let out a loud war whoop and the beer was foaming out of that can. He did go ahead and bring back the coyote. We laughed about that for years

 

[Dan in MI]

That’s easy to believe. For years I used to step through between two hot wires. I was with my brother and his friend when they got on their belly and crawled under. I razzed them about crawling. As I was straddling the wire the hairs on my neck connected. I went straight down, which made me go straight up, which made me go down again. This time on the way up I was able to angle and get my shoulder followed by a thigh on the dive out. For some odd reason they were laughing hysterically.

That’s not my only contact with hot wires, not even the worst, but it does bring more joy to others than my other escapades.

 

[weaselmeatgravy]

20+ years ago I was living with a woman who had horses and a cock-a-poo. We were down at the barn one day and she unhooked the electric fence gate and lay the wire on the ground while she tended horses. The dog came down to see what was up and after being ignored for a minute or two, he sat down... right on the wire. That little furball shot up about 6 feet in the air! We laughed for what seemed like hours.

 

[Fox Mike]

You jump one and even touch the wire ... so long as no part is touching the ground. Do NOT let one foot touch the wire when the other foot makes it to the ground.! That will begin a dance routine that was never rehearsed. Fred Astaire never had moves like I had.

 

[Wyandot Jim]

When I was around 15 and living at home I made a 110 volt hot wire around my Mom's flower bed that the neighbors Cats used as a crapper. I used Coke bottles tied to wood stakes as insulators put the ground wire in the ground and the hot wire around the bottle tops.
Cats can jump real high when they put their nose to the wire.

By the way I hate electric fences. My buddy who was two years older and I would have to go over/under one that was on our route when we went plinking in the woods. One time he touched it to see if it was on and he told me it was not. Well I grabbed it to climb over WHAT a shock. He had rubber boots on and I had leather boots on. Science 101
Another time he told me if I took a leak on it it would blow the fuse for it and we could get over it. It blew a fuse alright but not the Farmers

 

[BearBiologist]

Years ago, when I worked for US Fish and Wildlife in Central California, I was tasked with doing a Biological Opinion for the California Department of Corrections on the installation of electrified fences for all California prisons. A Biological Opinion is an analysis of the expected impacts to endangered and threated species by a proposed project permitted, carried out or funded by the Feds. During the project design phase, I met and had discussions with state and other Federal agencies. Research and experience from LE showed that career criminals often jolted each other with stun guns to increase their tolerance to electric shock.

The State of California therefore determined that a mortal level of voltage should be applied the first time rather than a progression of stronger shocks. The State, in its wisdom, determined this voltage was "safe but lethal"! Go figure!

 

[Dan in MI]

You jump one and even touch the wire ... so long as no part is touching the ground. Do NOT let one foot touch the wire when the other foot makes it to the ground.! That will begin a dance routine that was never rehearsed. Fred Astaire never had moves like I had.

This one is just for you based on your avatar.

Predawn sitting in my treestand I kept seeing, and hearing, a spark on the hot wire 100 yards off. I mentally marked the post and checked it out later. A tree frog had his rear feet on the T post and what once was his front foot on the hot wire. The foot was gone but the forearm was close enought to ge a good arc.

 

[jimbo1096]

Where I lived before we had a very ornate pole lamp in the front yard. Every Christmas I would change the lamps in it to multicolor blinking so as to enhance the holiday spirit.
Never had a problem with the pole until one night the neighbor's dog, a large GS - husky mix, came over to see what all was going out in my yard. Then he commenced to take a pee and chose my pretty lamp post. He got about two squirts out and let out a wavering howl while still locked up, finally flopped over, guess he ran out of liquids, and then took off running while howling all the time. He never came back again.
Later we found it was put in with just two wires in romex and the casing had been hit with a shovel while digging in the flower bed. Guess about the same contact as an electric fence.

 

[redfernclan]

I remember visiting my Aunt and Uncle out in the country when I was about 7 or 8. They had warned us about the electric fence in the back yard. Of course that's where we headed. Upon closer inspection, we figured there was room to shimmy under the wire. Got through fine, played with the neighbors horses for a while and headed home. I shimmied back under the wire and wasn't sure if I had cleared it yet. Turned me head to look and my lip touched the wire. That was my first experience with an electric fence and because of it, never had the desire to try peeing on one.

 

[Watertender]

One of my guilty pleasures is the Ren and Stimpy Show. They have a game called "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence". It's worth watching!

 

[rexp47]

When i was 6-7 yrs old , my Dad would make an 110v electic fence that used a light bulb to decided how hot it was, he used 15 watt unless some of the steers keep getting out, he would change to 100 watt bulb ome applacation and the steers wouldn't get within 6 ft

 

[jimbo1096]

 

[Ride1949]

 

[noahmercy]

I don't know why, but electricity doesn't seem to mess with me like it does some folks. Not an electric fence story, but when I worked on outboard engines, we were always careful not to grab a spark plug wire while they were running because it is apparently a nasty jolt, especially since you were often standing in a puddle of water when running them on a trailer (35 Amps/400V DC is pretty peppy).

One of my co-workers thought he'd be cute and told me the #4 cylinder on a rough-running engine he was troubleshooting had no spark, and he could just grab the plug wire. I was distracted and didn't realize he was trying to "get me", and reached over to pinch it between my thumb and forefinger. D'OH! It zapped me good, but I didn't let on and held on to it for a good five seconds. I shrugged and told him he was right, and it was probably a dead coil. Dude looked confused and grabbed it himself...I learned new words that day.

 

[turd]

Oh, man, I read this thread before, but it still makes me laugh. I grew up in town, and my cousin (we were always in trouble when together) grew up on a farm. I was about 10 YO or so and had no idea what an electric fence was. He challenged me as a 'city boy' to pee on the fence. I will never forget the experience, and he did win - I could never come up with a response to equal that. We still laugh about it......

 

[wolfsong]

Years ago, when I worked for US Fish and Wildlife in Central California, I was tasked with doing a Biological Opinion for the California Department of Corrections on the installation of electrified fences for all California prisons. A Biological Opinion is an analysis of the expected impacts to endangered and threated species by a proposed project permitted, carried out or funded by the Feds. During the project design phase, I met and had discussions with state and other Federal agencies. Research and experience from LE showed that career criminals often jolted each other with stun guns to increase their tolerance to electric shock.

The State of California therefore determined that a mortal level of voltage should be applied the first time rather than a progression of stronger shocks. The State, in its wisdom, determined this voltage was "safe but lethal"! Go figure!

The electric fences surrounding many of California's state owned and operated prisons have range of 4,000 to 5,000 volts and 500 to 650 amperes. 70 amperes is considered lethal. Implementing the use of electric fences saves close to 2 million dollars a year per prison. Because of the fences, perimeter towers are no longer necessary,, therefore negating the need to have 24/7 365 staffing for each perimeter tower. There are still manned towers on the interior, covering the yards, but most are not manned 24/7.

To this date, no one has succeeded in escaping over, through or under the EFs since their installation began in '93. At this time, there is no known method for "building up a tolerance" to that kind of jolt!

 

[gramps]

Back in the 1990’s my farm had horses, and electric fencing was cheap and easy to put up. At one corner we had a seven foot wooden post, and the electric fence came down to a 4 foot fence post. The horses water bucket was there preventing them from coming through, but allowing us easy access. One day my wife (city bred) forgot about “the wire” and it hit her diagonally across her chest. I found her on her back looking at the sky a tad bit dazed. I had to drag her back before she would attempt to get up. Just one of many new things she learned on the farm lol
gramps

 

[Hvymax]

One of my guilty pleasures is the Ren and Stimpy Show. They have a game called "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence". It's worth watching!

That inspired my best jobsite prank ever. I drilled a hole from the outside into the pisser tube of a porta potty. I fed a piece of speaker wire with the ends separated into the tube and connected a 9v battery that I stuck to the side of the porta potty with duct gasket. I think I sent half the job in for penicillin shots! I later figured out an easier way hollowing out a urine cake so it was a drop and go operation.

 

[Watertender]

That inspired my best jobsite prank ever. I drilled a hole from the outside into the pisser tube of a porta potty. I fed a piece of speaker wire with the ends separated into the tube and connected a 9v battery that I stuck to the side of the porta potty with duct gasket. I think I sent half the job in for penicillin shots! I later figured out an easier way hollowing out a urine cake so it was a drop and go operation.

you are positively evil and I love it! You made them all think they had the clap! My dad pulled a stunt on a construction site that was talked about for years. He ran a wire from the coil to the seat of a Schramm Air Tractor to give a buddy of his a little tingle. Instead of his buddy, the chief of security jumped on it because he had a flat tire on his car. The guy must have sat on it just right because he got a good jolt right in the Sacagawea! The guy bailed off the tractor and it ran into the site Superintendent's Cadillac. Dad ran over and shut it off and pulled the wire off before anyone saw it. The security guy kept insisting that the tractor shocked him on his pride and joy. Dad and the Superintendent both drove it in front of the guy and told him that he was crazy. The security guy got his check docked for months to pay for the crash caddy which was poetic justice because he was a prick who everyone despised.

 

[Robb Barnes]

Speaking of pranks, you guys ever used an Eviltron to scare folks? it is a small metal disc about the size of a $.50 that plays 5-6 different sounds in a random pattern. Sounds such as a whisper "Hey, can you hear me?", creaking of a door etc. It is a kick in the pants to hide under a counter, in the bathroom or even at someone desk and watch the reaction. Amazon is your friend!

 

[Watertender]

Speaking of pranks, you guys ever used an Eviltron to scare folks? it is a small metal disc about the size of a $.50 that plays 5-6 different sounds in a random pattern. Sounds such as a whisper "Hey, can you hear me?", creaking of a door etc. It is a kick in the pants to hide under a counter, in the bathroom or even at someone desk and watch the reaction. Amazon is your friend!

A friend of scared the crap literally out of his daughter with one of those things. He planted it behind the toilet thinking that he would prank his buddy who was over visiting. Instead of his buddy it was his daughter who used the bathroom. After she was seated for a few seconds the thing said..... "Stop that! I'm working down here"!!! His daughter jumped up in mid-whizz and soaked the bathroom and herself! He had a lot of explaining to do over that one...

 

[Randyzzz]

We’ve got horses, and lots of electric fence. We only have a few acres fenced, but I’m a fan of overkill so when I bought the charger I got the one that will do something like 30 miles/100 acres including cows. Most recent occurrences? Asked my wife “Is the fence off? Yes, honey!” ZAP. Inner thigh as I was stepping through. Wife thought it was hilarious. The worst- bending over to pick up a garden hose- touched the fence with my ear. Talk about seeing stars! This charger sends pulses, but it pegs the meter on my tester at 7000V.

 

[warren5421]

I am 78 horses has been in my life always. Dad ran electric wire around the pasture at the house. His box was a knife switch with a 5 watt light bulb and 5 watt fuse. When company came, if they had kids, my brother and me would get them to grab the hot wire. We would stand in a dry spot in the summer and get the kids to stand in a wet spot, where we poured water on the ground knowing they were coming. There was almost no shock at the dry area but would light the kids up standing in the wet spot.

A few years ago I had a gelding touch his nose to the hot wire. He jumped back and looked at the wire and walked back up and done it again. This happed a half dozen times before he decided to walk away. After that if he thought there was a hot wire close he would jump to get away from it. He went down the road when that started.