A Strange Neighbor Situation

[Conservative]

I mow when my yard needs it.

Sometimes, not often, but sometimes that ends up being on a Sunday afternoon.

My neighbor resides roughly 100' away from me.

One Sunday while mowing, he waved for me to stop so we could speak.

I stopped and he very graciously asked me if I could refrain from mowing as he a lot of company coming over and my mowing would interfere with their visit. He and his company spend their time in his garage with the door up and sometimes in his driveway.

I, in turn, graciously replied No Problem, I'd finish mowing the next day. He smiled and thanked me.

About 3 months from that day, I was mowing during the week, (he worked odd days at that time and was off) and did his wave so we could speak. I stopped. (Oh, he likes to sit in his garage with the door up, drink beer and watch tv) He was tipsy, maybe drunk, but probably just tipsy.

He ungraciously asked me what I was doing. I smiled and kinda laughed as I hadn't caught on yet that he was angry. He told me my grass didn't cutting. I told him I thought it did and he snarled something and stormed back to his garage. I finished cutting my grass.

A year passes (by the way, with the above exception I always considered him a good neighbor) and yet again on another Sunday, he does his wave for me to stop mowing so we can speak.

He tells me he's very tired and rather in a low burn of anger (he's tipsy again) insists I not mow. He doesn't want to hear the mower and states since I'm retired, I can mow on other days when he's at work.

I reasonably respond that it's my yard, my mower and I plan to finish mowing. He goes ballistic, starts calling me vile names, gives the old double hand 1 finger salute and again storms back to garage.

I'm left shocked at his behavior. I value good neighbor relations. I put up the mower. Go to his house and tell him the mowing can wait til the tomorrow, put out my hand to shake his and say: We've been good neighbors for too many years to let this stop us being friends.

This happened in August.

Now, I think he was unreasonable and I have every right to mow when I want/need no matter if he's home in his garage or not.

So, after this long tale, am I unreasonable or is he?

 

[Pps1980]

He is, unless you're mowing earlier than appropriate. Have a great day.

 

[Kevin]

How long does it take you to mow? From what you wrote, about putting away your mower a couple times and waiting because he asked you too. It sounds like his attitude is "in the wrong."

Are you in a residential neighborhood or out in the country? The residential street I live on has enough houses, someone is mowing practically every day. When do the other people on your street now their grass? Have your other neighbors had problems with this particular neighbor?

Do you live in an association with rules about mowing?

 

[Kevin]

PS. I appreciate your sentiment about being good neighbors for too long when you went over to shake his hand.

We have some neighbors who I feel the same about. The next door neighbor lady sometimes is hard to get along with, however I know she is a good person, so I let a lot of things slide. I sometimes have to try very hard to be extra nice. But knowing she is around and watching my house is worth it.

 

[jollymon]

Asking you not to mow because of gusts is reasonable , the rest NO! , if it was me he gave the salute to l'd keep mowing
then get out the power washer and weed eater , chain saw , call my son up and have him come over with his Harley and bring some of his riding buddies to . But that's just me ,

 

[Conservative]

I live out in a rural area of the county.

Not within the city limits.

It takes me about 1.5 hours to mow my 2 acres with a 50" deck, zero turn mower.

And no, we have no dictatorial home owner association.

He has 3 dogs that bark constantly, shoots tannerite in his back yard, BOOM, and plays loud music at times and I've never in ten years of being neighbors ever, never, complained about the noise he makes.

Oh, he mows and has about an acre and a half, but because his tractor type mower is the old style it takes him longer than it does to cut my yard and is just as if not louder than my machine. Again, I've never complained about the noise he makes...ever.

Why don't I complain about the noise he and his dogs/tannerite explosions/loud music make?

Because I like good neighbor relations and figure we all have to get along appreciating we ALL will at times make some noise and should be willing to put up with a certain amount and this during the day between noon and sundown. Night time I never make noise.

I've also done him a lot of favors over the years.

At this point, I think that's coming to an end. I will remain cordial, but favors, nah, not anymore...

 

[mikewriter]

I used to work shift work and had a neighbor who enjoyed mowing during the day when I was trying to sleep. Had a couple of discussions about that with him, before he moved away.

Mike

 

[Conservative]

I forgot to answer about other neighbors having problems with him and the answer is, yes.

We moved into the neighborhood ten years ago and he was friends with all our neighbors as am I. They all visited him regularly and he them at first.

Now, I'm the only neighbor to speak to him, and now that's ending. I will remain cordial, but friendship has flown the coop. As time has passed he's angered everyone in the neighborhood with his over the top tipsy/to drunk boorish behavior. He gets snarky and smart alecky when drinking (daily) but you couldn't ask for a nicer guy when sober...which is increasingly rare.

The only people to visit him now is his brother and other relations, with even them down from a lot of people to a handful.

 

[hittman]

When he waves, don't stop so you can speak.
You've done your part and nothing wrong.

And I bet you've given this way more thought and worry than he has.

 

[Pierow]

Knowing there are always two sides to the story and we are only hearing yours, it seems you have been more than reasonable. Neighbors and feuds can get crazy, out of control quickly and can be a source of much aggravation. Placate the moron as best you can but mow your lawn whenever you want.

Pierow

 

[Conservative]

Placate the moron as best you can but mow your lawn whenever you wan"t"

Yes, that's what I'm doing to a point. I won't mow on Sundays anymore because he'll go nuts, and while he's right, I'm retired and can mow on any day, it's rather annoying to placate this guy. But better to so than have him possibly, completely flipping out and have to get the police involved.

This situation is depressing as hell as I always thought him a good guy and that we'd always be friends. To be sure we didn't socialize all that much, but whenever we'd see each other it was with a warm smile and friendly greeting. On occasion we visited, bbq'd, etc. No more.

It's saddening and maddening...

Yes, you're only hearing my side, but all I can say is it's accurate.

 

[bogus bill]

Sounds like he is a alcoholic. I would have a no holds barred heart to heart talk with him when he is sober. And when that doesn't work I would totally ignore him.
And when that wont work you both will have a problem until one or the other of you moves. Leave the cop s out of it until it gets physical.

 

[Don Lovel]

Get drunk and mow at 2 am just to be onery

 

[Conservative]

No, I have zero intention of involving the police, unless it gets physical.

Yes, I'm sure he's an alcoholic and I think deeply depressed.

He's a widower. His wife died of cancer over ten years ago and as time has passed he crawled into the bottle. Actually beer, not the hard stuff, but beer is just as intoxicating if enough is consumed.

I think your advice is sound regarding having a heart to heart as comes home from work sober.

The thing is I'm so deeply/quietly angry with him for trying to tell me (with my cooperation) what to do on my own property. I'm going to have to steel myself into speaking with him even if he's sober.

It may never happen.

Even us older guys don't like to be dictated to...

As a younger guy, I can tell you his behavior towards me would've gotten physical pronto, but those days and my willingness to get charged with assault are over.

So, tact and diplomacy all the way, unless he gets physical. He's about 48 and I'm in my 70's, but I really don't care to be told what to do on my own property by a drunk if I'm not doing wrong. And I not.

 

[bogus bill]

Sorry, I really don't think this is going to have a good ending unless some outside event like him getting a stroke or something else happens. Alcoholics usually get worse until life finally does them in.

 

[Rei40c]

Sorry, I really don't think this is going to have a good ending unless some outside event like him getting a stroke or something else happens. Alcoholics usually get worse until life finally does them in.

Yes. I don't mean to sound overly cruel, but your best hope may be the alcoholism continues on it's course, this usually results of a loss of a job and difficulty finding a new one. Loss of job = loss of home ect the downward spiral. It's a long shot but possible. This may work itself out over time. Good luck to you.

 

[Conservative]

Thanks all for your advice and input.

I think (maybe not) I mentioned this happened in August and I'm still bothered.

I don't wish the guy ill.

Who knows, maybe some day he'll go to AA and we can be friends again.

Stranger things have happened, but if he doesn't get sober, I'll do my best not to antagonize him, but there's a point my placating may have to end.

I can take being dictated to only so far...

 

[caryc]

After all he's done, I'd just write him off as a friend and mow when I felt like it. I live on five acres in the hills and most neighbors have around the same as far as acreage. I have neighbors that have some very noisy parties once in a while but I don't complain. People here usually just stick to themselves.

I have two tractors that I use to maintain my land and dirt roads. One thing about living out here is that you don't want to get on the wrong side of a neighbor that has a tractor. You can never tell when you might need some help from him when the bad weather comes. I do scrape the dirt roads of my nearest neighbors.

I lived her for twenty or so years before I finally got a tractor. A garden cart and a shovel isn't exactly the best way to repair dirt roads after a storm.

 

[sncup]

Not getting the police involved until necessary means they will be looking at YOUR body if someone finally calls.

Documentation of your neighbors attitude is IMPORTANT. If / when you have a talk when he is sober, have a recording device (cell phone with record on) so what is said is captured – in case. This establishes you are trying to defuse – deescalate the situation.

Buying a bullet resistant vest and taking a class on use of force may be good investments.

https://www.usconcealedcarry.com/massad-ayoobs-lethal-force-institute-i-and-ii/

 

[redhawker]

As long as you're not mowing too early, like before 8 am or after maybe 8 or 9 pm (but who mows in the dark anyway) he's being unreasonable. I used to work a graveyard shift and I'd go to bed when I got home at about 8:30 am. Every Friday one of the neighbors had a gardener that would mow his lawn, blow leaves, etc. at about 9:30 am. Did I complain? Did I call the cops? Did I even mention it to him? No. Because the mowing was at a reasonable time of the day (for normal - non-graveyard working people) and just because my schedule was abnormal I didn't feel I had any right to try and change his schedule.