Why I Like retirement

[Colonialgirl]

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?

Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.



Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.



Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.



Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?

Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.



Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.



Question: Why do retirees count pennies?

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.



Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!



Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?

Ans wer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.



Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?

Answer: Normal.



Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?

Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.



Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.



Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.



And, my very favorite....



QUESTION: What do you do all week?

Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.




My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



It's scary when you start making the same

noises as your coffee maker.



These days about half the stuff in my

shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

 

[Colonialgirl]

I hope this works:

https://attachment.outlook.office.net/owa/[email protected]/service.svc/s/GetFileAttachment?id=AQMkADAwATMwMAItOTBiYy1iZDA5LTAwAi0wMAoARgAAA35roy2duc9NkBAlNFjPDZUHAJpfQsMpYTRJsVljxK8g9FsAAAIBDAAAAJpfQsMpYTRJsVljxK8g9FsAAABqlSAZAAAAARIAEAArVBdfmGoWRYh9p53J26BH&X-OWA-CANARY=MjWk1mPhUEuN8GKh7rLPRECXb-cVNdQYyV99IK74PubdQDVH3FFFpi7kg7FPaLoI2bCA63oRY1Q.&token=9b6a8d05-d5ee-47cf-8a06-91206dadd5f6&owa=outlook.live.com&isc=1

 

[tinman]

It would appear that someone has been spying on me................. :roll:

 

[Fox Mike]

So much truth there. New Years Eve I went to bed at around ten thirty. The better half sat up reading and watching the boob tube. I did manage to tell her "Happy New Year" when I made one of my nightly excursions to the throne room just a minute before the 'duck fell'. Yes we have a DUCK that falls in Havre de Grace each New Year. http://patch.com/maryland/havredegrace/duck-drops-2017-begins-bang-havre-de-grace

 

[graygun]

But...you can't take a day off.

 

[Pat-inCO]

Retirement is when you reverse rolls.

While working you look forward to the weekend activities.
After retirement you dread weekends, because all of the others try to do
everything in two days. That means you end up staying home to avoid
them.

But then again, how bad is a two day long nap time each week?

 

[RSIno1]

So much truth there. New Years Eve I went to bed at around ten thirty.

We're 3 hours behind NYC. Watched the ball drop at 9pm here and hit the sack. Took an extra day though to wake up and watch the Rose parade. I remember when we were kids we'd watch the parade in B&W while having breakfast then pile in the car and drive to the end of the route and see the parade pass in living color.

 

[exavid]

I've been fully retired for about thirteen years now and have been getting pretty good at it. I second the motion about avoiding shopping, haircuts, or much of anything on weekends when all the working slaves are crowding everything. Nice how many parking places are available at stores during the weekdays. It's really nice at the rifle/pistol range during the week. Pretty quiet and half the various ranges are empty. Ditto at my gun club indoor range. Yep, this life of being unemployed is pretty good.

 

[mikewriter]

A reporter interviewed Houston Oilers coach Bum Philips shortly after his retirement, and asked him what he did "now". Bum answered, "Nuthin'", then added, "And I don't start that until noon!"

Mike

 

[bayou5252]

Well, not being retired yet, I've now got a flavor of what it's all about....

 

[DGW1949]

..............It's really nice at the rifle/pistol range during the week..........

THAT.

DGW

 

[Colonel Daddy]

I've been fully retired for about thirteen years now and have been getting pretty good at it. I second the motion about avoiding shopping, haircuts, or much of anything on weekends when all the working slaves are crowding everything. Nice how many parking places are available at stores during the weekdays. It's really nice at the rifle/pistol range during the week. Pretty quiet and half the various ranges are empty. Ditto at my gun club indoor range. Yep, this life of being unemployed is pretty good.

Not so sure about that exdavid. Our local gun range is filled with geezers all week and working folks on the weekends!

 

[Fox Mike]

But...you can't take a day off.

I have found that I can do that by actually DOING something; other than the day to day routine.

 

[pete44ru]

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer: NUTS!

Amen ! I never could understand or sympathize with being that needy (the want to be needed).

I worked long enough (from I was 11 until I was 62) to finally have someone pay my way (pension, etc) - so, I'd never squander the benefits of that 50-odd years of toil.

I DO work sometimes, however ( the "honey-do" list is real).

.

 

[Heliman]

I have been retired for 3 years now. However, 2 days after retirement my Mother died. Subsequently I spent the next several months helping my father deal with funeral preparations and everything else associated with her passing. He relocated to a smaller apartment so there was moving and all that goes with it including garage sales, etc. So most of the first 6 months were quite busy.

About the time things were calming down my Dad had a heart attack. So, there was quite a lot to do helping him recover and doctor appointments, etc.

Sadly, my Dad passed away nearly one year to the day that my Mother passed. So, being the oldest and the only one of my brothers with time to spare, I dealt with his funeral preparations and dealing with his estate. I was the executor of his estate, so it was my job.

So, essentially this past year was my first year of actual retirement. I find it takes some getting used to. Instead of getting up early to get ready for work, I get up early to go to the gym 4 days a week. Instead of fighting traffic on a 75 mile round trip commute I have to fight midday traffic with a bunch of old people not in a hurry to get anywhere! Took some getting used to but I have fallen in line with the other oldies. All and all I enjoy doing nothing when it suits me.

Dave

 

[Pat-inCO]

All and all I enjoy doing nothing when it suits me.

No, No, No, No!

You are spending appropriate amounts of time planning what you are
going to do next.

Now that you are no longer under fifty, it takes more time to get things
done, so you plan them carefully to assure you do them efficiently. :roll:

 

[CGDustDevil]

Retirement is when you reverse rolls.

While working you look forward to the weekend activities.
After retirement you dread weekends, because all of the others try to do
everything in two days. That means you end up staying home to avoid
them.

But then again, how bad is a two day long nap time each week?

There's a bucketful of roarin' truth!!

 

[Big Old Boy]

I have been six years retired and enjoy ever minute of it except my appointments at the Va. though I get paid mileage for the visits I can not stand the traffic funny coming from a retired trucker. Range Time is great and I reload more than I used to. My main job now is keeping the wife's knives sharpened and helping her as a taste tester for her kitchen creations.

 

[Rook]

I'd rather go to work as go to a gym 4 days a week as some one mentioned. I've been retired two years and two months and everything was fine up until 4 months ago and I had to have some surgery done. Now things are getting back to normal again and hopefully I can enjoy my retirement again.

 

[Big Old Boy]

Surgery is just part of getting old. Golden years it's great!!

 

[nlocke]

When I retired 15 years ago, my wife made me a calendar which still hangs on my refrigerator. It has 6 Saturdays and Sunday as the header for days of the week.

 

[BucolicBuffalo]

I don't know what I am going to do when my wife retires in about 3 years. Fight for the passing lane on the track at the gym I suppose.

 

[Tom W]

Just started the last of December. Working as hard at home as I was at the plant, only not paid as much. But the range is whenever I want to go!

 

[gramps]

I have been retired 2.25 years. "Loving every minute of it"! I get to fish, hunt, hike and shoot on my schedule. Visit with the kids and grandkids. Yep, life is good.
gramps

 

[exavid]

You don't want to waste too much time retiring. I didn't feel like a Senior Citizen at 55 but I sure do now at 74. Didn't even slow down much until I passed 70. Now I am slowed down and feel all those years. That decade from 65-75 is precious if you get it, don't waste it.

 

[Pistolero]

You don't want to waste too much time retiring. I didn't feel like a Senior Citizen at 55 but I sure do now at 74. Didn't even slow down much until I passed 70. Now I am slowed down and feel all those years. That decade from 65-75 is precious if you get it, don't waste it.

Words of wisdom!

 

[bogus bill]

Retired January of 2,000. I was single and just drove around in shock the first months. Then my dad a widower came down with Alzheimer. He lived in Wisconsin, I in California. He lived in the country 8 miles from the nearest grocery store and had to give up his DL. Stubborn, he refused to live with me in California or go to assisted living. It was breaking me flying/driving back and forth and that also made secondary problems. Finally I had to go live with him trying to persuade him into assisted living. Six months of that and he finally agreed. It was a bad six months. Me trying to get rid of a lifetime of accumulation and get it ready for auction.
Then I remarried. This December 20th I come close to a heart attack, had to get two stents and come home just before Christmas. This morning I had to go to ER with a kidney stone. I still have pain. Someone pick up a guitar and tell me how your day went.

 

[Fox Mike]

I don't know what I am going to do when my wife retires in about 3 years. Fight for the passing lane on the track at the gym I suppose.

I promised myself that once I received my Honorable Discharge I would NEVER run again. That was in May on 1997. So far I kept my promise. All these 'health nuts' and 'gym goers' are going to someday be laying in bed dying and not understanding why; I'll know why.

 

[jlmtr6]

Retirement is when you reverse rolls.

While working you look forward to the weekend activities.
After retirement you dread weekends, because all of the others try to do
everything in two days. That means you end up staying home to avoid
them.

But then again, how bad is a two day long nap time each week?

Perzactly.

 

[Rook]

We hate weekends to. It's so much nicer to go to the grocery store before noon during the weekdays and not have to stand in line at the cash register. We'll be going to the shooting range in the morning and most likely my wife and I will be the only ones there as we have been in the past.