So who else had a lousy father ?

[blackhawknj]

Captain America's post on the loss of his father and the comments by board members prompts me to ask for equal time for those of us on the other side of that fence.
My parents divorced when I was 6-back in the Good Old Days of the 1950s. My old man ran off with his girlfriend, started a new family with her. My brother and I didn't see him again till I was 10 and that was only because our grandmother wanted to see us again. We spent a little time with that side of the family getting reacquainted, then that grandmother departed this life, and that severed all ties between us. My parting memory of him is unpleasant-he was two-faced. Nice to us in front of the second wife and other family members, when they weren't around he showed his real face.
What happened to me seems to have become the norm. But it is better to have had no father than a bad one. I have lost track of the people I have known who had fathers who were mean tempered, abusive-alcoholic, or even worse-just plain indifferent.

 

[Redington Slim]

Blackhawknj, I can totally relate. Mine has been a drunk all his life. He and my mother divorced when my sister and I were babies. We were raised by my grandmother. But then my Dad remarried 2x while my sister and I were kids, taking us along. For years I thought he was a drunk because he was in Vietnam, but he had a drinking problem before he went to Vietnam. If I wanted to see my dad as a kid I had to go to the neighborhood bar. He spent all his free time there. Anyway, I grew up and also started drinking and doing drugs, but thankfully I met my real Father, my heavenly Father, who healed me of all my past and showed me what a Father/Son relationship should really be like! Thanks be to JESUS for being our Savior and our healer! My earthly father is angry, bitter, and I pray for him every day, that he would repent and seek God before his time runs out.

 

[Colonel Daddy]

Over the years I've seen men who didn't deserve the children they had. Saw it in a couple of neighbors growing up and also an uncle who tho married for 40 years fortunately had no children. Am proud to say my own Dad was a man of God who loved his wife and children and worked hard to support them. Daddy, you've been gone 10 years and I miss you every day.

 

[Pat-inCO]

The last time I saw or heard from my father was my fifth birthday. He took me to
the store and bought me a Daisy Red Rider BB gun. My mother didn't calm down
from that for at least a month.

My parents broke up while I was four and, like others, he was with another gal. I
do not know nor care any further.

My mother raised me by herself, to my age of thirteen. She started going out with
the guy that became my step father, and they got married in '57. They were
together until he passed in '88. She passed in '03. (I'm 77 now)

It was grim until I was about thirteen. After that it was quite nice. Both my mother
and step father said one thing that I still live by; you want something, find a way to
EARN it! - - - Lousy father, GREAT step father. :D

 

[eveled]

My kids don’t have a lot of good things to say about theirs, and I think my in-laws agree with them. I wish I were joking.

 

[Colonialgirl]

I guess I was fortunate; I had a good Father although he sometimes didn't understand teenagers like me and my brother; but he DID love us and we loved him.

 

[hittman]

I had half a dozen or more excellent father figures growing up. My mom had two brothers, her sister was married to a great guy, my uncles had friends who also took an interest and were active in my life.

I have ZERO regrets or bad memories of my childhood.

 

[314Chevy]

At 12 I was placed in a foster home and had sporadic meetings with my parents since. When my dad passed I went to the funeral, no one knew he had a son. Honestly not growing up with them was the best thing to happen to me. Like Colonel D said, some people don't deserve to be blessed with children.

 

[contender]

"Anybody can father a child,, but it takes a MAN to be a Daddy."

A good thread here.

Not all who have children are good parents. Male or female.

In general,, many people do have parenting instincts, and want to be good parents. Many also succeed. But sadly,, that is NOT always the case. And quite often,, a person who has no blood relation can be a better parent than the real parents.

Miss Penny & I both were divorced from a previous marriage when we met. We both had 1 boy. She had custody of her son, and I was a SOB according to my ex, and she had custody of our son.
I never tried to replace my step-son's father,, and I never spoke ill of my ex to my son. But together, we raised our son's when we had them with us.
Miss Penny's ex was into drugs, alcohol, running around with other women, & basically was, (and still is,) not much. He has 5 kids, by 3 different women, and never supported any of them.
My ex, has been diagnosed with mental issues.

But,, both my son's are successful, in good careers. Both now have great wives, and both are very close to both Miss Penny & I. My step-son, looks at me as a good father figure, and has said as much,, all while admitting to not caring much for his birth dad. My son,, has very, very little to do with his mother,,, and yet,, is very close to me. He also calls Miss Penny his "wonderful step-mom." Both boys ALSO call each other "brother." They are very close.
And while our lives have our own trials & issues,, we all know that we can get love & support from one another.

Parenting can be hard,, it can be costly,,, it can alter your life dramatically. But,, if you have love, a belief in God & his Son, Jesus Christ, and WANT to be a good parent,,, it will most often work out.

However,, no matter how good a parent can be, some children will never be "good" people.

I have a 1st cousin, who was given the good things a child needed,, and while his sister turned out great,, he became a thug. One of his worst things to me was when he attacked & broke his mother's arm to take her SS money. Often in jail nowadays.
And Miss Penny,, has a brother,, also a thug. He too is just plain evil. His 2 sisters,, just fine.

My posting is a reflection of many things. But basically, it points to good & bad in all people. Giving birth, does not make you a parent,, no more than being a child makes you a good kid.

 

[tinman]

Not me. Now, we did have some issues when I was about 17-18 years old....I swear, he was dumb as a box of purple hair. Then, all of a sudden, he got really really smart.......... :roll:

 

[Captain America]

This thread is why I appreciate my dad so much, growing up in the inner city I had many friends who had no idea who their father was and I realized at an early age my dad was pretty cool. His online obituary is filled with kids from the neighborhood sharing memories of his being a "dad" to them.

 

[hittman]

Three years ago at age 58 I met my father for the first time.

I knew the story that my folks (who met in college) divorced soon after my birth and he moved on, remarried, had kids, a career, etc.

Fast forward 58 years and one of my half-siblings accidentally found one of my daughters on social media. We have an uncommon last name for this rural area and that's why my brother inquired.

I had never tried to track down my dad or his family for a variety of reasons. One; it seemed obvious he wasn't interested in knowing me and two; I suspected my existence was a secret to his family.

My siblings were totally blind sided and I still feel bad for them. My existence must have been a horrible shock to them. They did not know their dad had another child and did not know their mother was NOT his first wife. We all grew up about 150
miles apart.

There is still contact with my new siblings. I about needed a spreadsheet to learn all the new people. Each of my siblings ( 1 brother and 2 sisters ) are married and with children. Quite a change for me having spent 58 years as an only child!

 

[NH Rugerman]

I have been blessed with a good father and father in law, who have both passed away now.

I have been blessed with three wonderful kids and two excellent grandchildren. children are your only possession that you can hope to see in heaven...I have always put my family before anyone or anything else and I have a strong faith in Jesus Christ, in whom alone, is my hope of eternity.

To all of you who had bad fathers and a tough upbringing, you have an eternal Father who loves you and will never disappoint you...trust in Him.. Eternity Will last much longer than this earthly life will!

 

[Redington Slim]

Contender and NH Rugerman - AMEN.

 

[loaded round]

My late Father was a really great guy and one of my best friends! I had to say it!

 

[WAYNO]

My Dad never really came back from the war. He struggled and he drank heavily. He was not good to my Mom, and not much better to my sisters and me. He died when I was 17.

I was angry with him. It was not until many years later and seeing the plight of so many Veterans, that I finally understood the hell he could not escape.

But there were other men that stepped up when my Dad could not.

The neighborhood butcher took me fishing often.

And our neighbor, even elderly way back then, took me under his wing, and taught me fishing and shooting, and mechanical skills, and much more. He had grown kids and grandkids that lived in another state and he saw them only once a year. So our relationship was symbiotic. I became the kid that he so missed, and and he became the dad that I so needed.

Even my older brother in law spent a ton of time with me.

So in the end, I didn't miss out on much. But my Mom did. She worked endlessly to support herself until she died at 57. And she was a wonderful Mom.

Because of the people that took an interest in me when my Dad didn't, I still remember a quite wonderful childhood.



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[bogus bill]

I overheard my sister complaining to her husband how strict our folks were. I wondered if we had the same parents.
My best friend was also my partner on the job. He was always complaining to his wife about our job. I wondered
if we had the same job.
I think some of this is how we individually handle or perceive the same circumstances. My ex ran off with another
married man. We had a very bitter divorce. Our daughter was seven at the time. I practically lived at work to be able to pay all the support plus eat. Thank God unlimited overtime was always available to allow me to work a average 65 hour work week to do it. Just to get a occasional weekend visit while she was yet young I had a lady friend live with me as I worked graveyard with very seldom a day off. And then her mother, her and stepfather moved about 600 miles away so I had very little physical contact. Now it`s even worse. The whole tribe, ex, daughter, grand daughters and a great grandson, (three years old) now live on the east coast. I and wife am crippled up to drive so far and cant afford to fly. I have only seen the great grandson once, grand daughters a few
times, and daughter seldom.
At 79 years old I have seen much of life experiences and my take is I would like to also hear the "bad" parents side of the story! I am positive some bad parents do exist but just as positive some highly misunderstood ones also exist.

 

[Fox Mike]

"Anybody can father a child,, but it takes a MAN to be a Daddy."

Sitting next to me as I type this is a paperweight one of my daughters gave me that says "DAD, Any man can be a father but it takes someone really special to be called DADDY!"
I guess I am fortunate. I had great parents, grand parents, family members, brother, and kids. My ex, who I will never say anything bad about, is still friends with me and my present wife.

 

[blackhawknj]

My mother noted that a lot of her appeal to him was, when they met she held a good steady job and her mother owned a nice big house. We joked that the second wife was our revenge-he had five kids with her, he was in his 60s and still had kids in school.

 

[smoke-eater]

Had a good dad. Not the lovey-huggy type, but a hard worker who passed his work ethic down to me. I just don't see any of that now amongst the 20-somethings that I supervise. The man did have a hot temper, though. I just knew not to provoke him!

 

[Selena]

from age 9 to 11 my father was the city of Chicago. I won't even start describing that atrocity of parenting.

 

[blackhawknj]

Many of today's twenty somethings had no father, no role models, hard to imitate something you've never seen.

 

[Pat-inCO]

 

[Ordguy]

My parents never should have had children. Taught me a lot about how NOT to treat my own kid.

 

[powder smoke]

If you have nothing good to say do not say anything! Words from my mom.
She was a Saint my father not so much! ps

 

[Bull Barrel]

I used to think my first name was God.
My middle name was dammit.

 

[Don Lovel]

Well he is still alive, age 94, retired court judge, retired attorney and banker, Military Governor's radioman in the 9th Armored Div Halftrack crew in the spring of 1945 and was at Remagen.
Mom passed June 1st. He is pretty lost from being stuck at home due to covid travel, otherwise after mom's passing we would have taken him to Whittington Center to chill.
Was he a good dad, by most measure folks would say he was
to me, he blew it big time, but looking back at those years, his career took his time over family. After he was elected Judge, I could not live in the region, worse than being the preacher's kid. I stayed away alot. Also I worked heavy oilfield work and farming, he never understood just how much I really did understand hard work, but his mouth always let me know I was pretty much a disappointment.
I did Boy Scouts but didn't get my Eagle, had everything else, at this point in my life I would say there is one place he really blew it dealing with me. Had he been better involved in my scouting, I would have had it.
My career choices he always looked down his nose at, but one time when I had him out on a $22.5 million Aviation project I ran in KC, he did not believe I was in charge until someone came up to me and asked if he could have me grant access to his sub contractors.
He turned down a job with the FBI in the 50's because mom wanted to raise her kids in the country in Oklahoma not urban DC.
I watched him act really out of line with my little brother over his military service, John didn't want to be career Army, dad wanted him to stay in. big fight because dad never let it go. Teed mom off big time.
In mom's final times, Dad was a bit of an ass at times, but got through it all. I love him, but deal with him in small increments. I live right at 50 miles from his house, the right distance

 

[bogus bill]

That picture above reminds me of the meaning of "mass confusion". Fathers day in Watts.

 

[chuck]

Mine was a no good SOB DRUNK and that was his good points. his parents raised me my brother and sister

 

[Jeepnik]

You've all seen Leave it to Beaver, The Donna Reed Show, Father Knows Best, etc. Well I pretty much lived it. And before anyone comments, I'm not idealizing. Both my parents rarely had their father/step fathers around. My moms dad was a sailor and gone quite a bit. My dads mom went through men like water, and still managed to raise them right.

Because of how they were raised they were determined that we would be a full fledged family, and we were. They worked hard (depression kids) and made a darned "Wonderful Life" for my three sisters and I.

Growing up I must have seen every type of father there was. Most were good. Those friends who weren't so lucky seemed to spend as much time at our house as possible. If a parent was looking for a kid the first place they looked was my house.

No don't get me wrong, I was no angel. And I was punished when I screwed up. But that's the way to raise a kid. I raised mine that way, and they both turned out pretty darned good.