Random Thoughts As We Age...

[Robes]

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment .... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the
things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than
"yes".

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it!

Even duct tape can't fix stupid .... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there
for.

Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ...
chocolate is Salad !!!

If Only a Man Could Fix All of His Relationship Issues, With WD-40 And Duct Tape.

 

[Fox Mike]

Don't forget that gray hair is hereditary; you get it from your children.

 

[Don Lovel]

I have slipped on the ice and fallen down hard twice this winter so far, knocking the crap out of myself with big bruises and joint sprains. At my age, it takes way too long to heal up before getting another ow on top of the other crap

 

[Merle1948]

Good ones!!! :lol:

 

[steveodtw]

I tried taking Ginko Biloba for a while. I stopped taking it. Don't remember what it was for.

 

[gramps]

Robes, I resemble quite a bit of that. Last night our fire dept was called out to a pu truck fire. Stepped into some mud that sucked my fire boot in, I fell down. I had to extricate the boot, put it back on. I used to handle a nozzle with 100lbs psi by myself, now 50lbs psi is my limit-sheesh. What has happened? Just climbing onto the fire truck to lay up the hose is challenging! Sigh
gramps

 

[Pat-inCO]

I don't worry about terrorism, I was married, TWICE!

Common sense is so rare these days that more than half the people
must consider it a super power; that they will never attain!

I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen far to many of them get elected.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize
almost half of them are stupider than that.

It is FAR better to have common sense without education
than to have education without common sense.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire,
what do freedom fighters fight?
They never seem to tell us that part to us, do they?

If guns cause crime, mine must be defective.

I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but
why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the
problem solve itself?

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the
Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

 

[vito]

An old guy of 102 that I know went to his lawyer and said that after 80 years of marriage, he and his wife, who was 100, want a divorce. The lawyer asked why after all this time. The old fella replied that they had decided on a divorce many years earlier but decided to wait until the children died.

 

[Pat-inCO]

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could be like a pair of old boots...
the worse we look, the better we feel!

If there's one thing were not short on around here, it's bizarre.
OK, so what IS the speed of dark?

'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant;
it's just that they know so much that isn't so.' - Ronald Regan