Ponderisms

[Bear Paw Jack]

One day I got to wondering about things. Do you

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)

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3. OK ..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?

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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

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10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .. they're cramming for their final exam.

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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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19. You never really learn to swear until you take up golf.
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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?



Some folks just need killing.

 

[Pat-inCO]

~ I don't worry about terrorism, I was married, TWICE!

~ Common sense is so rare these days that more than half the people
must consider it a super power; that they will never attain!

~ Why is it that those who demand our respect, have so seldom earned any?

~ I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen far to many of them get elected.

~ You just can't fix stupid, but drunk and stupid?
Well it's just hard to stay alive.

~ Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize
almost half of them are stupider than that.

~ It is FAR better to have common sense without education
than to have education without common sense.

~ Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

~ If guns kill people, how does anyone get out of a gun show alive?

 

[Colonialgirl]

Loved them all !!
Copied to send on to others.

 

[Bud0505]

Hair color for bald men is listed as BLD. At least on my CCW permit.

 

[Pat-inCO]

~ If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

~ Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could be like a pair of old boots...
the worse we look, the better we feel!

~ 'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant;
it's just that they know so much that isn't so.' - Ronald Regan

~ Snoopy best summarized the time for training when he said:
"Five minutes before the party is not the time to learn how to dance."

~ Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool
table in the cafeteria of a mental institution.

~ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing
a couple of mortgage payments.

 

[ilikerams]

Hair color for bald men is listed as BLD. At least on my CCW permit.

When I first got my drivers license my hair color was listed as brown, but as the decades passed it became first gray, and then disappeared. I point this out to the workers at the DMV every time I have to renew but for some reason they just ignore me. Hair color is not shown on my CCL, only eye color.

 

[Ruger77shooter]

Wow...now I have to figure out if this thread is supposed to be educational, or entertainment?

 

[32magfan]

I'll try a couple:

Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?


∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

If the instructions on the shampoo bottle says, "Lather, Rinse, Repeat." , why don't we use the whole bottle each time we use it?

32Magfan

 

[Pat-inCO]

~ A closed mouth gathers no foot.

~ There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.
Neither one works.

~ Celibacy is not hereditary. Too bad stupidity is.

~ All people improve the gene pool, some by birth, some by their demise.

~ In a world without fences and walls, who needs Windows and Gates?

~ Why have a gun?
- Because some werewolves do not need a full moon. Because the world
is full of dark corners, sharp edges and things that bite.

~ If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

~ Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, many do.

~ Do, or do not; there is no try. - Yoda

~ Definition: RECURSIVE: adj. See recursive.

~ Definition: Windows 10 - Bill Gates' latest Virus

~ Since the eighties: Children are natural mimics who act like their
parents, despite every effort to teach them manners.

~ Vote Democrat ---- It's easier than finding a job

 

[Bear Paw Jack]

I like this: ~ If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

 

[Ale-8(1)]

"10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?"

If we were to follow the format used throughout the rest of the system, it would be ten one (ten two, ten three, etc).

;-)

 

[mohavesam]

I think I read these like the second day I had the internet.

 

[Fox Mike]

I think I read these like the second day I had the internet.

Congratulations. . And your point is? :?:

 

[jimbo1096]

I think I read these like the second day I had the internet.

Congratulations. . And your point is? :?:

How educational the internet is, of course!

 

[Colonel Daddy]

I think I read these like the second day I had the internet.

Well Sam, if you read them "like the second day", that means it wasn't the second day, but similar to the second day. So which day was it? :wink:

 

[Ruger77shooter]

I think I read these like the second day I had the internet.

Well Sam, if you read them "like the second day", that means it wasn't the second day, but similar to the second day. So which day was it? :wink:

Well played! 8)

 

[Snake45]

Why do we call them "cookies" and not "bakies"?

If people from France speak French, do people from Belgium speak Belch?

What did Preparations A through G do?

 

[Selena]

I like this: ~ If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

Hmmm, then there is the corollary. If ignorance is bliss why are Democrats so angry all the time?

 

[Pat-inCO]

Hmmm, then there is the corollary.
If ignorance is bliss why are Democrats so angry all the time?

EXCELLENT!

I'm going to steal that one and add it to my list. 8)


~ Warning: This information contains matter which is known by the State
of California to cause warpage of space and time.

~ The Liberal has carried the American ideal to its illogical conclusion.
Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race,
creed and color, but also on ability.

~ If corn oil is made from corn,
and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?

~ Was it one hundred hours of experience or one hour
repeated one hundred times?

~ Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you
are supervised and to carry money without spending it.

~ Democrats definition of "A rose by any other name"
- deadly thorn-bearing assault vegetation.

 

[Pal Val]

I mark my hair color in the license as brown. Once, the lady at DMV asked me why, if I'm bald. I told her that's the color of the hair in my ears.

 

[Pat-inCO]

~ Utility is when you have one telephone,
luxury is when you have two,
and paradise is when you have none.

~ Push to test. Release to detonate.

~ Some people have all the commitment of a kamikaze pilot
on his tenth mission. (Democrats? :shock: )

~ Spotted on a desk:
Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time.

~ Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in
overalls and looks like work.

~ Do illiterate people really enjoy Alphabet Soup?