A man had a parrot that was a foul mouth as any. He told it to stop while his girl was there but the let out a string of profanities and side shut up. The told the bird Ill cover your cage, so he did and from behind the covers came more vile language. So, the man told the bird Ill put you in the closet until you learn to behave, the bird cursed him, he put the bird in the closet and from the inside of the closet the birds was screaming the same filth. He told the bird that it into the freeze. From the inside of the freeze very faintly he heard the same screaming until it stopped. The thought did I kill it? He slowly opened the freezer and there was the bird shivering. He said, "Are you going to behave?" the bird shivering nodded his head yes. Now the man said say something the said "What did the turkey do?
Parrot Story
- Thread starter MaxMan
- Start date
Parrot jokes are the best. I love the one where the wife bought the parrot from a house of ill repute. It cussed non stop. Then when the husband came home, the parrot says “Fred! Haven’t seen you in a while.”
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2012
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A guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says we don’t serve pigs here. This isn’t a pig its a parrot. I was talking to the parrot.
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2012
- Messages
- 10,875
An Irish guy walks into a bar in East Boston with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar tender says “Wow! Were did you get that?”
The parrot says “They’re all over Southie“
The parrot says “They’re all over Southie“
I used to raise cockatiels, maroon bellied Conures, and ring necked Parakeets. A friend came over and my fave cockatiel was whistling cute bird tunes and making my phone ringing sounds and my friend asked "does the bird talk"? I said "We had to teach our women to talk I'm not about to teach a bird to talk" 
I got a kick in my shins from the wife over that comment.
Another time my boss who was going overseas on a business asked if I'd watch his Cockatiel while he was away and I said sure. After a few weeks he came home and I brought his bird to work and he sprung for lunch. The next day he called me into his office and said, "Your phone rang in my house ALL DAY long" because between my bird and phone ringing the bird decided he liked the sound!
You'd think that a cat could EASILY eat a little Conure well, I had a pair of nest mates I hand fed and were cool to have but they worked as a pair and figured out how to escape from the cage and climbed up my Christmas tree while my cat was asleep. The cat woke up and waited at the bottom of the tree for the birds to come down. When the birds came down, they attacked the cat and bit the cat's nose hard while my Lab (who liked the birds) watched the scene. From then on the cat would let the birds climb on her and they'd all go to sleep!
Some birds are cool.
I got a kick in my shins from the wife over that comment. Another time my boss who was going overseas on a business asked if I'd watch his Cockatiel while he was away and I said sure. After a few weeks he came home and I brought his bird to work and he sprung for lunch. The next day he called me into his office and said, "Your phone rang in my house ALL DAY long" because between my bird and phone ringing the bird decided he liked the sound!
You'd think that a cat could EASILY eat a little Conure well, I had a pair of nest mates I hand fed and were cool to have but they worked as a pair and figured out how to escape from the cage and climbed up my Christmas tree while my cat was asleep. The cat woke up and waited at the bottom of the tree for the birds to come down. When the birds came down, they attacked the cat and bit the cat's nose hard while my Lab (who liked the birds) watched the scene. From then on the cat would let the birds climb on her and they'd all go to sleep!
Some birds are cool.
My cocker spaniel absolutely adored our birds. He don’t give a rat’s behind about the large ones, but he loved the little guys. When we had chickens and had the eggs hatch in an incubator and kept them in a large tub, he would sit and watch. He once watched a parrotlet escape , gave chase and when the little guy hit the ground, Snickers ( my cocker) laid on top of the little guy until we got there. He was the best pal and 4 legged wonder I ever had. We had about 250-300 birds as we ran a rescue.
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A gang member walked into a bar with a parrot on his head. The bartender asked: Hey, where'd you get that? The parrot said: It started out as a boil on my ***.
We had a parakeet missing 2 toes and an eye. The pet shop was going to feed him to a snake and I asked if I could buy it.
I started talking to it and called him F-ing Buzzard. I got him to start saying I'm a F-ing Buzzard and he would say it regularly.
My mother got on one of her religious kicks after she got caught doing something illegal and had a preacher come to the house.
The preacher looked at Buzzard and said You're a pretty bird.... Buzzard replied with his standard statement and the preacher was flabbergasted. I started laughing and couldn't stop!!!
I started talking to it and called him F-ing Buzzard. I got him to start saying I'm a F-ing Buzzard and he would say it regularly.
My mother got on one of her religious kicks after she got caught doing something illegal and had a preacher come to the house.
The preacher looked at Buzzard and said You're a pretty bird.... Buzzard replied with his standard statement and the preacher was flabbergasted. I started laughing and couldn't stop!!!
