Nursing Home Visits

[olcop]

I am always Inspired by Mr. Bob Wrights Postings,
and I offer this for your consideration;
Recently, I had a surgical procedure that landed me in a nursing home for treatment and rehab.
After I was there for one weekend, I noticed that there numerous other patients who had no visitors, and I asked my room mate if this was typical,he said it was, and that he had been there for over 1&1/2 years and some of them had never had a single visitor..
My request to all of you is simple:
Please go and visit someone in a nursing home or similar facility as soon as you can, you don,'t have to know them, just spend some time with them talking and listening----and, while you are talking and listening, put your hand on their sholder or take their hand in yours, many of them never get a touch unless one of the staff contacts them in the pursuit of their duties.
If you do this, I guarantee you several things: Your heart will be touched, you will meet some very interesting people, you will bring joy to someone who doesn't have any in their life, and, you will be enriched beyond your wildest dreams.
olcop

 

[contender]

I can testify to what olcop says. Many years ago, before Miss Penny, I lived with a nurse for almost 7 years. She worked in nursing homes. I spent many days going to those places & visiting these forgotten people.

 

[ranch23]

Plus about a million. If you're unsure just go to the desk and ask if they have anyone that needs a visitor. Remember, that could be us one day.

 

[gramps]

Good post olcop! Generally people end up in nursing homes because there is no one to take care of them. As we age, the opportunity to experience human touch diminishes. I am 64, and divorced. If I wasn't a nurse I probably wouldn't have much human touch. Go to these nursing home residents, get them talking about when they were children. What stories they can and do tell. Living history is what it is. Beats TV anyday! Hold their hands, lightly rub foreheads and scalps. Smiles and twinkling eyes are the reward.
gramps

 

[Selena]

I am always Inspired by Mr. Bob Wrights Postings,
and I offer this for your consideration;
Recently, I had a surgical procedure that landed me in a nursing home for treatment and rehab.
After I was there for one weekend, I noticed that there numerous other patients who had no visitors, and I asked my room mate if this was typical,he said it was, and that he had been there for over 1&1/2 years and some of them had never had a single visitor..
My request to all of you is simple:
Please go and visit someone in a nursing home or similar facility as soon as you can, you don,'t have to know them, just spend some time with them talking and listening----and, while you are talking and listening, put your hand on their sholder or take their hand in yours, many of them never get a touch unless one of the staff contacts them in the pursuit of their duties.
If you do this, I guarantee you several things: Your heart will be touched, you will meet some very interesting people, you will bring joy to someone who doesn't have any in their life, and, you will be enriched beyond your wildest dreams.
olcop

I agree, I know at the Veteran's home I would guess that about 95% of the residents are on their own. Most just enjoy having someone that will listen to them for a while. If you really want to make someone's day and have a well behaved and friendly dog bring it alone with you.

 

[vito]

There is no doubt that long term residents in a nursing home are often without friends or visitors and would certainly benefit having someone to visit and talk with them. But I suggest you not just show up at a nursing home and ask to visit someone who needs a visitor. The nursing home is responsible for the safety and well being of its residents and patients and well might be leery and standoffish to a total stranger just appearing that way. I suggest you call ahead of time and speak with the Administrator, Director of Social Services, Director of Activities, or Director of Nursing. Any of these folks can usually help you get started. They will be thrilled to offer you a volunteer opportunity, and possibly do more than just visit a stranger, which can be awkward and not as satisfying as you might think (for both parties). Most nursing homes today have both short stay patients (rehabbing after surgery or another hospital stay) and long term residents (who live at the facility). Most short stay patients (and some nursing homes offer only this level of care) are younger seniors and are alert and likely have family and friends as visitors and might not even be open to meeting some stranger. The long term residents are usually older (mid '80's and older) and often in the facility because of significant cognitive impairment (most commonly Alzheimer's Disease or other dementia disorders) and/or physical impairments. It is these folks that often see their friends stop visiting, and sometimes have few or no family members in the area who will visit regularly. But a little education and assistance from the staff as to the best way to interact with these residents will make it more meaningful for you and for them.

I worked in the nursing home field for 23 years until my retirement last year. I was a Nursing Home Administrator and then I was managing 10 skilled nursing facilities, so I am very familiar with this environment. As a volunteer you will find a sense of fulfillment in knowing how much you can add to the quality of life to people in their final years. You might work one-on-one, getting to know the resident, giving him or her a chance to tell old stories, or even assist them with eating (lots of nursing home residents cannot eat unassisted and there is never enough staff to spend the right amount of the time with each resident). You might consider meeting with a group of residents, and reading the newspaper to them and discussing current events. Or you might really be lucky and befriend an old famer as I did, who collected pre-Civil War firearms and displayed his collections at gun shows across the nation for many years. His short term memory was gone, he was mostly blind, could hardly hear, but he sure liked to talk about old guns with me. Each visit with him was for him the first visit, since he would forget who I was between visits, and this let him tell me the same stories over and over, with some new info added occasionally. He made a real difference in my life, and I hope I made a difference in his.

 

[Lone Wolf McQuade]

Thanks for sharing your post.

This year my Mom was in a nursing home for 100 days recovering from a broken hip then a ruptured Bakers Cyst in her knee for 2 separate stays. I made it 99 out of 100 days so I really saw that many many residents never had anyone visiting.

We made it a point to mingle / talk with as many folks as possible to lift their spirits and offer a few encouraging words every day while walking the floors.

 

[Eaglestroker]

We've been seeing with this for about 5 years where my grandmother stays due to dementia. My sisters Corgi pup is popular around that place! Never ceases to amaze me the lack of visiting loved ones for extended periods of time.

 

[stevemb]

Amen, to all of the above.

 

[coach]

I just spent some time home after surgery and I was darn glad I had my wife able to stay home with me.
I can't imagine a year and a half without visitors.
Thanks to all the nurses and techs at the hospital even with all the poking and prodding every four hours.

 

[sceva]

One of the hardest things I ever had to do was place my step-mother into a facility (alzheimers). I am in Illinois and she was In Ohio but I still made sure I got over to visit at least once a month and called her weekly. Thankfully she also had a (very few) others that visited regularly.
She didn't always know who I was but I was willing to be whoever she thought I was at the time - made for some interesting visits. She has moved on to her next life and in talking to her friends and caregivers I was told that they could always tell when I call or visited because she always brightened up considerably.

Go visit your family members who are in long term care. Even when they don't appear to know you are there or who you are, It make a difference to them.

 

[WAYNO]

And maybe if more folks would visit these care facilities, the folks that work there might even be embarrassed and clean the place up, as well as spend a little more time with the patients.

Not to dander any forum folks that may work in one of these places, as hopefully there are good facilities too. I've just never seen them.

WAYNO.

 

[bobski]

its a commandment.
"visit the sick and the widow."

 

[george preston]

I did Homecare nursing for several years. Doing visits in ALFs was a daily thing for me. One thing that burned me was when I'd go for a first visit with a new dementia patient and I'd call the "medical decision maker" who almost always lived out of state and they had absolutely no idea what was going on with their family member.

 

[sceva]

I did Homecare nursing for several years. Doing visits in ALFs was a daily thing for me. One thing that burned me was when I'd go for a first visit with a new dementia patient and I'd call the "medical decision maker" who almost always lived out of state and they had absolutely no idea what was going on with their family member.

That is unfortunate. In my case; The State of Ohio appointed a Guardian for my Step-mother. ( I did not qualify for guardianship due to being out of state and too far away) I worked closely with the State and an attorney and was able to make recommendations with the result that a mutually acceptable person was appointed Guardian for Medical decisions etc with the finances were overwatched by the state (appointed attorney). She received very good care and I was called and consulted often. I still called weekly and visited monthly. All too often though it seems like the facilities are a dumping ground for the so called medical decision makers. My wife is an RN and has worked in facilities but she quit many of them over the treatment (or lack of) she saw.

 

[Cooperhawk]

My Sister in law died suddenly in 2000. In 2001 my Brother got cancer. He lived till 2003 and when he died my Mother had a massive stroke. I was the only family member left. Believe me if I had had a sister I would have gladly left it all up to her, but I didn't.

For five years until her death on Christmas Day of 2008 at the age of 94 I travel the eighty miles to the Nursing Home at least once and often twice a week. I took her chocolates every week. I kept a container of them by her chair at all times. My Wife and I spent every holiday eating a meal with her. The food really wasn't bad, but it needed seasoning.

While I was doing this I noticed that many, especially old men, never seemed to have any visitors. I started making a point of saying hello to them in the hallway or cafeteria whenever I could. The Nursing Home mom was in was home to a lot of the local folks that she spent her life with. We often gathered at a table in the cafeteria and had coffee and pastries. The Nursing Home would provide it free of charge. Mom had lost her speech, but she hadn't lost her smile.

Another thing I noticed was the folks that worked there really didn't get much recognition for their hard work. I started taking candy to them and set up a candy jar at the Nurse's station. The effect was dramatic. After that I would walk in and the mood was much happier.

My experience was really good. I took the Grandchildren sometimes and all the old women would get really excited to see little ones. The children enjoyed it as well.

My advice is if you have a relative or someone you know in a home, start to visit and feel your way. It took a while to get to where I was bringing candy, and it made me feel pretty good walking in there just to see the smiles.

 

[Selena]

Hi Cooperhawk,

My story isn't quite as dramatic, my Dad had assigned me a paper on the invasion of Iwo Jima so I immediately went to talk to my Gramps. He told me he couldn't help me but knew someone that could. He put me in his truck and we went to the Vet's Home were he introduced me to a guy that was there! Afterwards Gramps "suggested" I let the TOB read my paper. Since the second visit was in the rec room I became acquainted with a few more residents.

One TOB mentioned Lord Haw Haw which I found mp3's of on usernet and put on CD for him. (The floor nurses hated me because they heard "Lili Marleen" a couple million times after that." Another visit one of the residents mentions "Big Bands" including Benny Goodman, Artie Shaw and his favorite Glenn Miller. The next visit I had five CDs and the head nurse told me (tongue in cheek) from that point forward I was to be searched before coming on to her floor. I remember once my dog Angie had puppies and there was a guy in Lafayette that was interested in one. On a whim I took the puppy to show my TOB's. What was meant to be a short visit turned out to be over three hours. I still think every resident in all four buildings held, petted or talked to that puppy.

Since that time, I've made a lot of dear friends, cried at far too many funerals and attended a lot of birthday parties. I've pushed a lot of wheelchairs, wrote more than a few letters to children and grandchildren, and learned that sometimes it's not what you say it's when you shut up and listen. Also, if you want to be told you are the best cook in the world take some brownies to a Alzheimer/dementia ward.

Item last: God bless the members of the American Legion. You can't get more than two steps without seeing a sign they have donated everything from house slippers to the wheelchair capable vans to take the TOB's shopping. I'm not qualified to salute you, but you have my heartfelt gratitude.

 

[george preston]

Doing Homecare I ran into some crazy family dynamics. In the best of cases people where trying to do the best they could with what they had. In the worst, I've seen family take advantage of their elderly family member to the point that I called the state welfare agency. ALFs can be great and they can be hell on earth! I will tell you without a doubt that frequent visitation by family not only helps with your loved ones moral, it insures that the staff does what they are being paid to do. Nothing keeps the staff on their toes more than knowing that family makes frequent unannounced visits on days other than Saturday and Sunday