Lone Ranger and Tanto

Bear Paw Jack · Apr 8, 2020

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?'
'You dumber than buffalo. It means someone stole the tent'

Captain America · Apr 8, 2020

That was funny...how many of you are doing the “Tonto Voice” in your head :lol:

bogus bill · Apr 8, 2020

I heard that the Lone Ranger was very upset years later when he heard what Kemo Sabe meant.

Achigan · Apr 8, 2020

They were surrounded by hostiles, Comanche and Chiracaua, arrows flying in from every side. Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and tells him “Looks like the end, we have met our end.” Tonto looks at Lone Ranger and says, “ What you mean ‘we’ paleface?”

SAJohn · Apr 8, 2020

Here is a great sketch on Johnny Carson's show with Tonto:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwwUuxV9It4

LDM · Apr 8, 2020

The Lone Ranger rides up and sees Tonto on the ground with his ear in the dirt. He asks why he's doing that.

Tonto replies, "Five wagons, eight men on horseback, ten people walking, fifteen head cattle, one mile away."

"That's amazing, Tonto, you know all that just by listening to the ground?"

"No, Kemo Sabe. Ran me over twenty minutes ago!"