A WISE MAN ONCE SAID:
1. IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL, JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
2. RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
3. I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD. I'M 25 — PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
4. WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID AMERICA MOVE?
5. WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL. WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
6. BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
7. LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.
8. VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH, OR LIGHT FIRES!
9. I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK "REALLY"? — "THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"
10. IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
11. IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
12. MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.
13. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID — AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.
14. WE OWE ILLEGALS NOTHING — WE OWE OUR VETERANS EVERYTHING.
15. CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
16. I THOUGHT GETTING OLD WOULD TAKE LONGER.
17. A WISE MAN ONCE SAID … NOTHING.
1. IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL, JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
2. RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
3. I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD. I'M 25 — PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
4. WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS "1" FOR ENGLISH? DID AMERICA MOVE?
5. WE HAVE ENOUGH GUN CONTROL. WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
6. BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
7. LET'S STOP SENDING MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.
8. VEGETARIAN: ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN'T HUNT, FISH, OR LIGHT FIRES!
9. I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK "REALLY"? — "THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"
10. IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
11. IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
12. MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.
13. SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID — AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.
14. WE OWE ILLEGALS NOTHING — WE OWE OUR VETERANS EVERYTHING.
15. CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
16. I THOUGHT GETTING OLD WOULD TAKE LONGER.
17. A WISE MAN ONCE SAID … NOTHING.
