FAUX NEWS 2059

[Scout943]

FAUX NEWS FROM THE YEAR 2059
All 65 States now legal to smoke marijuana are experiencing a shortage of snacks. (munchies) Baby boomers grandkids have eaten their families out of house and home.
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 100 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4,532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

 

[mikewriter]

And more could be added!

 

[graygun]

George Z Bush to debate Rick Perry III tonight !

USA reinstates death penalty to deal with imprisoned pro lifers.

China makes Islam it's national religion.

 

[Kanook]

Third grader executed for saying the word "firearm" while talking about his great grandfather's hunting adventures.

 

[pisgah]

Former President Lindsey Graham, 104, laid to rest by wife Caitlyn Jenner in private burial ceremony.

 

[jack]

Caitlyn Jenner files class action lawsuit for "discrimination"

 

[mohavesam]

Soylent Green is the only food approved for Welfare, Social Security, and Food Stamp program recipients. 8) Pet ownership is also outlawed for the same groups.

- (for real here) On a late-night radio show I recently heard a well-established former FBI higher-up comment about "future-viewers" in a long-hushed gubmint program. He was asked about what America looked like in 50 years...

His response was that "America" would still be here in 50 years, however he was not very optimistic at all, about the United States remaining intact. "Intact" was the word he chose. He also commented about a Constitutional Convention potentially happening in one business day - from a call to order to new USC by dinnertime.
Sleep well friends.

 

[Cooperhawk]

Actually I foresee several new "City States". These will be created in order to prevent the large cities from controlling the entire state they reside in. That means that the rural and smaller city folks will be better represented. In fact I think we should get on with it now. Instead of New York State supporting New York City, let them support themselves.

Baltimore anyone?

 

[Cooperhawk]

What??? No comments? :roll:

 

[hpman66]

Screen and TV star, diva and beloved Muppet, Miss Piggy, is being recognized for her contributions to society with a feminist award at the Brooklyn Museum in New York---Oh, wait a minute, it's a true story and it's happening NOW. Better Miss Piggy than Caitlyn Jenner:

http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/06/04/us-people-misspiggy-idUSKBN0OK24L20150604
Thu Jun 4, 2015 1:22pm EDT
Miss Piggy to be honored with feminist award at Brooklyn Museum
REUTERS/THOMAS PETER/FILES

 

[737tdi]

Actually I foresee several new "City States". These will be created in order to prevent the large cities from controlling the entire state they reside in. That means that the rural and smaller city folks will be better represented. In fact I think we should get on with it now. Instead of New York State supporting New York City, let them support themselves.

Baltimore anyone?

So how would we do this? Land mass? I understand what you are saying and it is a huge problem but I have yet to find an answer. It is what is my friend. At least the way it is set right now. Is it fair/right? I don't know, I think not but I haven't researched it. Austin TX. is starting to pull a lot of political force, it could sway a vote. Dallas isn't far behind, really don't know about Houston. Hell I still live in a no beer sell area so that should tell you our ideals. I have no answer??

 

[Scout943]

+ 1

 

[bogus bill]

Actually I think we may be at peace and everything hunky dorie by 2059. Meaning I expect all the bad stuff mentioned plus much worse will have come and gone before 2059. We are in the last days already. Huge war is coming. But it will have run its course by then and I believe the people left will already be starting in the Millennium. The seven year tribulation wont be fun before we get to the Millennium though.

 

[Coogs]

+100

 

[sceva]

Actually I foresee several new "City States". These will be created in order to prevent the large cities from controlling the entire state they reside in. That means that the rural and smaller city folks will be better represented. In fact I think we should get on with it now. Instead of New York State supporting New York City, let them support themselves.

Will never happen; although it should. The cities by themselves couldn't survive without sucking in the dollars from the rest of the state and they make sure that politicians from their areas run pretty much everything. At least that is how Chicago and Illinois works.