Doc, I have this problem...

[Bear Paw Jack]

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What should I do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is this Larry's bar?"

 

[wwb]

I was certain it was going to be one of the following:

Doc, will I be able to play the violin after this surgery?
Certainly.
That's funny.... I couldn't before.

Doc, it hurts when I move my arm like this.
Don't do that any more.... that'll be 50 dollars.

 

[skeeter]

A man goes to a psychiatrist wearing nothing but Saran Wrap. The doctor looks at him and says," Clearly I can see you're nuts."

 

[Ale-8(1)]

Shrink: "What seems to be the problem, Sir?"
Guy: "My friends say I'm crazy."
Shrink: "Do they say why they think that?"
Guy: "Well, I like pancakes."
Shrink: "There's nothing wrong with that. I like pancakes myself."
Guy: "Really?? You'll have to come over and see mine . . . I have a whole attic full!!"

 

[Sin6Sec63451022]

Well, this is just crazy talk!

 

[exavid]

Yep, it's nuts. I like it!

 

[gramps]

This guy goes to his physician ( this is set in the 1950's, when doctors had their own laboratories complete with rabbits and mice). Doc, I need some smart pills. Doc told him to wait right here, and repaired to his lab to cogitate on the mans problem. His eyes fell on the rabbit pellets ( excrement). Doc picked out a nice sized bottle, filled it up, and labeled it smart pills. The instructions were to take with meals three times a day, returning to the clinic in 2 weeks for re-evaluation. The man was back in one week hopping mad! I know what those "pills" are. They are rabbit pellets! They ain't done me no good. Doctor replies, see, they are working already!
gramps

 

[Bear Paw Jack]

When I did my psychology internship I worked with a psychiatrist. I wasn't allowed to give prescriptions but if I went to him and told him what the patient needed he would write the script. At one point I had a patient who I became convinced was dealing with
Hypochondria, and she was demanding that she needed a prescription. So I told the psychiatrist that I wanted her to get sugar pills and we needed to use a real script. Problem was her husband was a pharmacist, and her mother was a nurse so they had to be in on it. Problem was they used a clear plastic capsule and put acetylsalicylic acid (asprin) in it. Long story short she figured it out and was really upset with me. Chewed me up one side and down the other, and I just listened, I even listened as I followed her out to the car, and said "See you next week". Imagine my surprise when she came in next week.