Mall Ninja Aptitude test ....
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=6753325773046944943
http://www.survivalistboards.com/showthread.php?t=79487
Definition
m-aal nin-jAH : An inexperienced (or even sometimes experienced), over-enthusiastic weapon owner (usually firearm), who's primary modus operandi (that's mall ninja talk) includes dressing and equipping for combat in an otherwise peaceful urban environment. The mall ninja can often be found carrying more than one weapon of the same type, handcuffs (although legally unable to perform an arrest), wearing ballistic vests or tactical gear while performing mundane daily tasks such as mowing the lawn.
Characteristics
Sex: Primarily males
Age: Teens to 40's
Race/Ethnicity: Primarily caucasian
Body Type: Often overweight, sporting a gut, however the occasional athletic mall ninja can be spotted and may be harder to identify until spoken to.
Marital Status: Often Single/Virgin but more increasingly Married/Neglected
Hair: Short to Long
Extracurricular Activities: Posing for pictures to post online, weaving tales of heroism and danger, bragging, spurts of exercise, watching war movies for 'tactics', watching the tv show "Cops", buying a foregrip or laser for their DPMS AR-15 or pistol, worrying more about how deadly they look than about the car that is about to run them over.
Notes: Often are adament about a particular brand of gun or knife, camo, nylon etc., they will get into intense debates with anyone who says otherwise. "Fatal funnel", "tactical", "assault", "high-risk", and "hostiles" are all common vernacular. Mall ninjas publicly decry violence but secretly dream of getting into fights because they always win. They often walk around looking for a trigger event that could spark another bloodfest of which they will come out the sole victor while occasionally saving a beautiful [single] young woman. Mall ninjas prepare for "active shooter" scenarios to demonstrate their combat evasion rolls like they do while playing Counter Strike or Call of Duty. Carrying more than one blade or flashlight is not uncommon.
Most mall ninjas will brag about their skills (even if they have none), and their desire to join the Navy SEALs, SWAT, or a "sniper team" but they can't cause they were injured or too deadly. They often talk about the very fact they are carrying a weapon or show it off. Sometimes they will stretch or turn just so you get a glimpse of their "cold steel". Statements such as "stay here, let me check it out", "don't worry, I am armed", or "you are safe now, I have a gun" usually precede a public incident. It is believed that mall ninjas practice in their bathroom mirrors quick-drawing a knife, gun, or one in each hand. It has yet to be proven, but is most likely true. Some species attempt to "dual wield" but usually suck twice as badly as they did with one weapon.
Philosophies
a. "Two guns are better than one, but three is best"
b. "If it's got rails, slap a laser on it"
c. "It's not tactical if it's not black"
d. "Morale patches make the outfit"
e. "Unused PALS webbing = unprepared"
f. "More bandoliers the better"
g. "Threats over the internet are just as valid as face to face"
h. "DVD training = combat experience"
i. "Safety training? Who needs that? This is war!"
j. "You never know when you might need a pair of handcuffs"
k. "When possible, pack a sword"
l. "More mags = more kills"
m. "The chicks dig it"
n. "Watch this!"
o. "A story repeated, is another moment of glory"
p. "Less than lethal is just that - less"
q. "Why go around, when you can go over"
r. "I'm not supposed to talk about it"
s. "The bigger the knife, the better at knife-fighting"
Heroes
1. Chuck Norris
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
3. Rambo
4. Bruce Willis
5. The A-Team
6. Paul Blart
7. Jean-Claude VanDamme
8. Tony Jaa
9. Arnold Schwarzenegger
10.John Wayne
Habitats
1. Their mother's house/basement
2. Their computer
3. The mall
4. Paint ball / Airsoft events
5. Gun shows
6. Gun ranges
7. Gun stores
8. Knife shows
9. Military battle reenactments
10. Any public place where a random fire fight, with multiple hostiles, may break out
The thread below is absolutely hilarious .....
http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
REV
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=6753325773046944943
http://www.survivalistboards.com/showthread.php?t=79487
Definition
m-aal nin-jAH : An inexperienced (or even sometimes experienced), over-enthusiastic weapon owner (usually firearm), who's primary modus operandi (that's mall ninja talk) includes dressing and equipping for combat in an otherwise peaceful urban environment. The mall ninja can often be found carrying more than one weapon of the same type, handcuffs (although legally unable to perform an arrest), wearing ballistic vests or tactical gear while performing mundane daily tasks such as mowing the lawn.
Characteristics
Sex: Primarily males
Age: Teens to 40's
Race/Ethnicity: Primarily caucasian
Body Type: Often overweight, sporting a gut, however the occasional athletic mall ninja can be spotted and may be harder to identify until spoken to.
Marital Status: Often Single/Virgin but more increasingly Married/Neglected
Hair: Short to Long
Extracurricular Activities: Posing for pictures to post online, weaving tales of heroism and danger, bragging, spurts of exercise, watching war movies for 'tactics', watching the tv show "Cops", buying a foregrip or laser for their DPMS AR-15 or pistol, worrying more about how deadly they look than about the car that is about to run them over.
Notes: Often are adament about a particular brand of gun or knife, camo, nylon etc., they will get into intense debates with anyone who says otherwise. "Fatal funnel", "tactical", "assault", "high-risk", and "hostiles" are all common vernacular. Mall ninjas publicly decry violence but secretly dream of getting into fights because they always win. They often walk around looking for a trigger event that could spark another bloodfest of which they will come out the sole victor while occasionally saving a beautiful [single] young woman. Mall ninjas prepare for "active shooter" scenarios to demonstrate their combat evasion rolls like they do while playing Counter Strike or Call of Duty. Carrying more than one blade or flashlight is not uncommon.
Most mall ninjas will brag about their skills (even if they have none), and their desire to join the Navy SEALs, SWAT, or a "sniper team" but they can't cause they were injured or too deadly. They often talk about the very fact they are carrying a weapon or show it off. Sometimes they will stretch or turn just so you get a glimpse of their "cold steel". Statements such as "stay here, let me check it out", "don't worry, I am armed", or "you are safe now, I have a gun" usually precede a public incident. It is believed that mall ninjas practice in their bathroom mirrors quick-drawing a knife, gun, or one in each hand. It has yet to be proven, but is most likely true. Some species attempt to "dual wield" but usually suck twice as badly as they did with one weapon.
Philosophies
a. "Two guns are better than one, but three is best"
b. "If it's got rails, slap a laser on it"
c. "It's not tactical if it's not black"
d. "Morale patches make the outfit"
e. "Unused PALS webbing = unprepared"
f. "More bandoliers the better"
g. "Threats over the internet are just as valid as face to face"
h. "DVD training = combat experience"
i. "Safety training? Who needs that? This is war!"
j. "You never know when you might need a pair of handcuffs"
k. "When possible, pack a sword"
l. "More mags = more kills"
m. "The chicks dig it"
n. "Watch this!"
o. "A story repeated, is another moment of glory"
p. "Less than lethal is just that - less"
q. "Why go around, when you can go over"
r. "I'm not supposed to talk about it"
s. "The bigger the knife, the better at knife-fighting"
Heroes
1. Chuck Norris
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
3. Rambo
4. Bruce Willis
5. The A-Team
6. Paul Blart
7. Jean-Claude VanDamme
8. Tony Jaa
9. Arnold Schwarzenegger
10.John Wayne
Habitats
1. Their mother's house/basement
2. Their computer
3. The mall
4. Paint ball / Airsoft events
5. Gun shows
6. Gun ranges
7. Gun stores
8. Knife shows
9. Military battle reenactments
10. Any public place where a random fire fight, with multiple hostiles, may break out
The thread below is absolutely hilarious .....
http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
REV
