Jokes for the Weekend

[Colonialgirl]

If I were a Millionaire

The teacher said; "Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.'"

Everyone but Little Johnny, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write feverishly.

"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"

"I'm waiting for my secretary," Little Johnny replied


Teachers Pet
A first grade teacher was talking to the class about animals. To involve the students, she had some large flash cards.
She held up a picture of a cat. " Who can tell me what this is?" Several hands went up.
Susie, can you tell me?
It's a cat.
That's great.
She held up a picture of a dog.
What animal is this? Joey, go ahead and tell us.
It's a Dog.
After several pictures, she held up a picture of a deer. No hands went up . So she said, "I'll give you a hint. Sometimes your mommy calls your daddy that." No hands went up. "Doesn't anyone know?" Finally one little boy slowly raised his hand. "Johnny, what is it?"

Is it a horny bastard?

 

[Bear Paw Jack]

 

[don44]

 

[FastEd]

NYUK ! NYUK !

 

[GA Cracker]

Teacher asked kids to find out what their dad's favorite food was a homework assignment.
Little Susie raised her hand and said her dad liked fried catfish.
Davey raised his hand and stated his dad liked fried chicken.
Little Becky raised her hand and said her dad liked steak.
Teacher talked about the merits of each and said "little Johnny I guess you forgot your homework assignment again" .
Johnny had forgot to ask his dad but thinking fast he proudly stated his date ate light bulbs.
Astounded the teacher said that could not be true and Johnny replied "Oh yes mam he does cause last night I heard him tell mom to turn out the light and he would eat it!"