Extreme Redneck

[Bear Paw Jack]

You're An EXTREME Redneck When...

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
 2.  The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
 3.  You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
 4.  You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
 5.  You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
 6.  Someone in your family died right after saying, Hey, guys, watch this.
 7.  You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
 8.  Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
 9.  Your junior prom offered day care.
 10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are Gentlemen, start your engines.
 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
 18. Popping the hood involves removing at least two bungee cords.
 
And in closing…

Two good ol boys in a Alabama trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant. After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, If'n I was to sneak  over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin & and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?”
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.  Finally, he says, Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!

 

[coach]

I’m my own grandpa.
https://youtu.be/eYlJH81dSiw

 

[Mobuck]

Hey, I resemble some of those remarks.
True Story:
Dad's youngest Brother had a Sister in Law(Laura) who was just a bit younger than me. We dated up to the point of deciding where we would settle if/when married but broke up over the unwavering decision she made. Oh, well.
Fast forward 40 years to a wedding reception attended by myself, most of Uncle's kids(my cousins), and Laura(the kids' Aunt). We were all chatting and the romance story came up (something the kids had never heard about). After Laura left the group, the kids were razzing me and one cousin stated " Wow, that marriage would have made you our "Uncle Cousin" and the whole family would have had to move to Arkansas".

 

[onehandgunner]

Hey Mobuck, could she run a trotline ?

 

[Ale-8(1)]

. . . and skin catfish?
:P

 

[Colonel Daddy]

:shock: I just 'thought' I was a redneck!! :shock:

 

[Mobuck]

Nah, she's in the newspaper business. But she's still a darned good looking woman. Last time I talked to her, she was much more inclined to "live in the country" than she was in 1972.

 

[onehandgunner]

It is her loss. I'm sure you made a better choice anyway.

 

[yooper1]

:lol:

 

[GunnyGene]

That's all wrong, Jack. We've finally been given the official description of a "Redneck". :lol: :lol:

Excerpt:

https://www.tmz.com/2019/01/31/jussie-smollett-neighbor-suspicious-redneck-rope-attack-chicago/

A woman who lives in Jussie Smollett's apartment building told cops she saw a suspicious man -- whom she said looked like a "redneck" -- loitering just outside the entrance to the building an hour and a half before Jussie says he was attacked.

The woman -- who asked us not to use her name -- tells TMZ, she walked out of the building at 12:30 AM Tuesday to take her dogs out and saw the man near the door, pacing between the parking garage and entrance, looking agitated and smoking a cigarette. She says, "He looked out of place." He was a white man with scruff on his face wearing a blue winter beanie, a blue zip-up sweatshirt with a hood and blue jeans that were too short, exposing "thick, grey hunting socks" with camel-colored dress shoes.

 

[Bear Paw Jack]

All this time I thought I was a Redneck, and I don't even wear dress shoes. Plus my jeans run somewhat longish. I don't smoke either. Guess it wasn't me.

 

[Mobuck]

"I'm sure you made a better choice anyway."

You're much more confident of that than I.

 

[Galaxiedan]

I can claim 2 of those!