Descriptive phrases

[wwb]

Not to hijack the "overused phrases" thread, how about phrases that describe things perfectly.

A couple that come to mind have to do with people of "limited" mechanical ability:

"That boy could ruin an anvil with a rubber mallet."

"That boy could cross-thread a fire hydrant."

 

[Selena]

Standard parental lecture #2 - The very fact you are still alive is proof I'm a patient man.
Standard parental lecture #6 - That boy/girl will go far if nobody wises up and hangs them first.

 

[Fox Mike]

In the gene pool that boy is at the bottom of the deep end.

 

[Pat-inCO]

If we put Congress in charge of the White Sands ranges
we will be out of sand in ten years.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
it's about learning to dance in the rain.

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said.

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women;
Neither one works.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Do, or do not; there is no try. - Yoda

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

If you always do what you always did,
you will always get what you always got.

You just can't fix stupid.

 

[Fox Mike]

The reason G.O.L.F is spelled that way is because all the other four letter cuss words were already in use.

 

[32magfan]

I once complained to my father that something was not fair. He replied back, “Fair is a place where they give ribbons to pigs! Get over it.”

Another one he liked was, “If brains were dynamite that boy couldn’t blow his nose!”.

Being a veteran of the US Navy, he was fond of “There’s the right way, the wrong way and the Navy way!”.

Thanks for the thread. It makes me smile to think about some of the things the old man used to say. :mrgreen:

32Magfan

 

[Merle1948]

My current favorite: if brains were gasoline he couldn't power an amoeba's motor scooter three laps around a cheerio.... :mrgreen:

 

[exavid]

I once complained to my father that something was not fair. He replied back, “Fair is a place where they give ribbons to pigs! Get over it.”

Another one he liked was, “If brains were dynamite that boy couldn’t blow his nose!”.

Being a veteran of the US Navy, he was fond of “There’s the right way, the wrong way and the Navy way!”.

Thanks for the thread. It makes me smile to think about some of the things the old man used to say. :mrgreen:

32Magfan

Those make sense except for the last one. "There's the right way, the wrong way, and the ARMY WAY".

 

[Snake45]

There are two excellent theories for arguing with women;
Neither one works.

In similar vein:

Don't try to understand women. Women understand women, and they hate each other.

--Al Bundy

 

[graygun]

He's a zero with the rim knocked off.

 

[Bull Barrel]

They could mess up a dirty diaper pail.
Putting your brain in your head is like putting a BB in a boxcar.

That boy's just not right.

And for you Southern folks...
"God love em" and "bless their heart".

 

[The Preacher]

One of my favorites and I hope this is okay....

"He's as worthless as tits on a boar hog"

 

[ronto]

Put his brain in a bird and the bird would fly backwards.

 

[Merle1948]

I once complained to my father that something was not fair. He replied back, “Fair is a place where they give ribbons to pigs! Get over it.”

Another one he liked was, “If brains were dynamite that boy couldn’t blow his nose!”.

Being a veteran of the US Navy, he was fond of “There’s the right way, the wrong way and the Navy way!”.

Thanks for the thread. It makes me smile to think about some of the things the old man used to say. :mrgreen:

32Magfan

Those make sense except for the last one. "There's the right way, the wrong way, and the ARMY WAY".

That depends of your branch of service - IMHO they are ALL pretty equally stupid in that department !!! :mrgreen:

 

[Merle1948]

One of my favorites and I hope this is okay....

"He's as worthless as tits on a boar hog"

or screen doors on a submarine.... :mrgreen:

 

[Robb Barnes]

One of the ones I heard from my dad when I was growing up and testing his parenting abilities was " I can not look at your butt and read your mind!"

 

[pete44ru]

:mrgreen:

.

 

[Mike J]

This is edited but I remember a boy I grew up with that would say something was as messed up as a football bat. I also remember my father saying it was raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.

 

[6GUNSONLY]

Some of my dad's:

Useless as a one-legged man at a butt-kicking contest.

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

That's just ignorance gone to seed.

Poor folks have poor ways.

 

[CGDustDevil]

He (or she) looked like the Wreck of the Hesperus.

If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose.

That thing was tighter than Dick's hatband...

 

[WendyZXZ]

Educated beyond their intelligence.

 

[Robb Barnes]

Years ago when I was building and remodeling houses we did an addition for a buddy who is one of the funniest guys I have ever known. As we were doing the work while he and his wife were still living in the house we often got to the job before he and his wife left for work. One morning we started work and his wife walked by sans make up and with her hair looking like medusa. We didn't say a thing but kind of looked at her husband and once we was gone he looked at us and quietly said that "without makeup, the woman can make a freight train take a dirt road!" The first time I had ever been present for a classic "mic drop" statement!

 

[Colonialgirl]

"without makeup, the woman can make a freight train take a dirt road!"

I CAN think of a BUNCH of female democrats to whom that could be applied; and make a change to the first part so it reads "With or without make up they could" etc etc.

Y'all probably can fill in the names.

 

[JackpineWillie]

Busier than a cat covering up poop!

 

[Merle1948]

Busier than a cat covering up poop!

"on a marble floor" - the way I heard it.... :mrgreen:

 

[6GUNSONLY]

"without makeup, the woman can make a freight train take a dirt road!"

I CAN think of a BUNCH of female democrats to whom that could be applied; and make a change to the first part so it reads "With or without make up they could" etc etc.

Y'all probably can fill in the names.

My dad would say: "That face'd stop an 8- day clock."

 

[mohavesam]

:wink:
That boy couldn't pour p out of a bucket with instructions on the bottom.

 

[ronto]

She's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

 

[Acorn]

My Dad always described a difficult task as “Like trying to stick a wet noodle up a wildcats a$$”

 

[dougader]

When my brothers and I would do something stupid, which was inevitable, Dad would say, "use your head for something besides a hat rack!"

One I heard in grade school: Colder than a tin toilet on the shady side of an iceberg.

Dumber than a post.

Slicker than snot.