.357 mag Hornady critical defense 125 gr for the last two years for me.
1. Anything that will penetrate a human torso will also penetrate two sheets of drywall. You can't have it two ways.
2. So, if you want to prevent your loved ones from getting hurt, buy something that you can shoot accurately and will put the bad guy down quickly with the minimum number of shots. Keep in mind that you are not the only one shooting through the walls so the quicker you can stop him the better. Also, the more times you have to shoot, the more chances you have to miss and shoot through a wall. But, again, you need to be able to shoot the round accurately.
3. 158 gr bullets have a not so excellent record for expanding. Just youtube Speer Gold Dot Ballistic Gel 158 gr. Really.
4. Muzzle blast/flash is often a concern. I haven't tested it, but I'm sure you'll be blind and deaf after shooting the 38 or 357 indoors so what's the point?
5. Hornady critical defense expands quickly and probably the most reliably. Since barrier penetration will not be an issue in apartment defense, reliable expansion I feel is the biggest issue.