WendyZXZ said:
Very sad to read this Mike, I am another big fan of you and your story as well as the posts you had with jokes, cartoons and also the PM messages we have exchanged over the years. Your story is compelling both the happy chapters and also the not so happy because those do illustrate how much you can enjoy the better times and that we should all be grateful for ours. Like Tyrone/Contender and others I am another one who has prayed for you over the years and I think you probably knew that. I personally do not get the hate and nastiness of some online and on forums. There is enough bad in real life to just leave such in that place and not bring it here. I believe that you will take this in the positive way it is meant, on religion I DO see much in your story that has me saying that you are a believer in so many respects, you are just not a phoney like many are.
That was lesson number 6 in my book.. I listed three of them..
6) Be grateful for the wonderful things you have in your life.. Because others aren't so lucky.. Never take these things for granted..
I'm glad you got it my friend..
I honestly don't know what I believe when it comes to god.. Those that claim to know him, haven't exactly treated me all that great over the years.. It kinda destroyed my faith.. I didn't just wake up one morning and think to myself, "I think I'll be a non-believer today." No, it was much more than that Wendy..
I suffered greatly at the hands of those that claimed to be something they weren't.. And it hurt me very deeply.. It ripped my heart out because I thought they were better than that.. But they weren't.. They were no different than the other folks that only saw me as a meal ticket and a means to an end.. I won't go into it because what difference does it make now? Who cares?
I spent a lifetime trying to believe in the "We are all our brothers keeper" part of the bible.. I did much over the years to help others because of that.. I felt a personal responsibility to my own honor as a man to help others..
Yet, I found out the hard way, that many people must have glossed over that one, or forgot it was even there.. Or perhaps they choose to ignore it because it's inconvenient for them.. Because when it came to me back in 2012, those that could have made a difference, chose not too.. Sadly, even more recently it was the same story.. It's all there in my book, and in that thread.. I shouldn't have to point out the blatantly obvious to people.. If I have to draw them a road map, they are either blind, or stupid..
And nobody here is either of those from what I can tell..
So, I honestly have no answers to what I am when it comes to religion.. There are those that have left me cold to it in many ways.. There are those that should be good Sheppard's tending to the flock, yet they let this sheep get away from the herd.. And they could have retrieved it, but simply didn't give a damn.. It was to hard for them I suppose.. As a result, that particular sheep will die in the cold.. No, sadly we are not all our brothers keeper.. We are not a family under god.. It is every man for himself.. And sadly, I've been exposed to way to many people who believed in "screwing the other guy for profit through the word of god".
It is the way of the world.. And so it shall be in his church as well..
Truthfully, I'm thankful I'll die quickly.. Because I'm fed up living in a world that is so indifferent to others pain..
I'm tired of living in a world where the strong, victimize the helpless.. I'm tired of those that claim to be so holy in their judgments of others, yet will not point that finger of judgment at themselves and admit, they are the problem.. I'm just frankly fed up with it all Wendy..
I had a man write me a PM and tell me what he thought of me.. And he said I was a sour person.. Perhaps he's right.. But who made me this way? I'll be happy to tell you the answer to that.. You see, I'll be dead very shortly because of this, so I have nothing more to lose at this point.. Who cares now?
The answer: Christians did.. That's who..
In 2012, my wife died.. I needed a caregiver to help me keep my home.. The state gave me thirty days to find someone to help me with my disability, or they would have no choice but to put me in a nursing home for the rest of my miserable life..
The churches I helped in the past, I went to and asked them to help me find someone to live with me and just be there as a helper.. They couldn't be bothered.. They told me things like, "We cannot do that.. Jesus would not approve of a man or woman living together out of wedlock. And two men living together would be a sin against the teachings of god and Jesus.."
They were happy as hell to pick my damn wallet for thousands of dollars when it suited them.. But couldn't do a damn thing to help me when I needed them.. Suddenly, when there was no more profit to be made off my ass, they dumped me as a member.. Sure they did.. Nothing more to be gained from me.. Once you fleece a man, what more purpose does he serve?
I, in turn, went to the internet and asked for help from those that claimed to be my friend and uber religious.. All i got from them was "I'll pray for you" and a bunch of snarky commentary.. Only one man had the decency to call "SWANS" food, and ask them to help me with food.. I was grateful for his kindness.. Real nice man.. He helped when others couldn't be bothered at the time.. I told people I was at risk of losing my home and everything I worked for at the time..
Nobody cared.. My supposed friends, but yeah, didn't care.. They had no issue at all sitting there and watching me burn.. I lost my home, I lost my money.
I lost my cars.. And everything I ever had.. But they were so religious. How can this be? That was when the bitterness started to sneak into my life..
All i needed was a person that would be willing to live with me as a friend and possibly a manager of things if my health went very bad to quickly.. That person could have lived a life of Riley.. They would have had a free place to live where they could do whatever the hell they wanted, whenever they wanted.. They would have had access to their own vehicle.. Provided by me free of charge.. They would have been paid $4,000-$5,000 a month to do the job.
For all I gave a damn, they could have spent their time watching T.V all day.. All I needed them to do was say they were my caregiver.. And they could have kept me in my home.. Plus, when I died, I was going to leave the house, money and everything to them as a way to say "thank you"..
You see, I felt at the time, that if somebody was willing to help me stay in my home, and give up a part of their life to do it, the least I could do after my death was to give them their life back with a hell of a parting gift.. They could have had an even better life after I was gone.. I had no family, and it was better the caregiver get it all rather than the state..
But, all people had to do was make a few phone calls to friends of theirs and see if they knew of anyone having a hard time in life that needed a helping hand.. Nobody gave a damn to do that.. As a result, I lost my home at the hands of the state of Idaho.. They took my money, and everything i had, and slammed my ass into a frigging Nursing home.. They took everything I had, to pay for my medical care and stay in the nursing home..
I watched as my life was flushed down the toilet.. And yet, all people did was say, "I'll pray for you".. Yeah sure.. That helped.. Thanks a lot!
After one month, I took off and ran away from the nursing home due to witnessing abuse there on patients. I took the only vehicle I was allowed to keep.
I was homeless in my truck for two and a half years while the un-diagnosed bone cancer took over my body due to lack of medical care because of no address. I'm dying in this wheelchair today, because of people NOT helping me back then. The cancer might have been cured if it was caught in the early stages my doctor said. It was treatable at the time. And had I been able to keep my home and my money, I could have been saved..
That's the tragedy here.. I didn't have to die this way.. I could have been saved.. But it wasn't important to others who only gave a damn to discuss their stupid politics and other things at the time.. (Got's to have them priorities ya know.)
The bitterness crept into my heart even more as a result.. And my heart grew a little colder.. It was so bad by this time, I wrote a book about the whole thing called, "
The Hypocrisy of the follower." Detailing the whole episode.. Complete with proof of it all.. Copy and paste works wonders at times.. That book names names, and Churches involved at the time.. To be published after my death.. You cannot sue a corpse.. Well, you can. But you ain't getting nothing out of him. That's for sure..
Fast forward to 2017.. Where I wrote in my book about an abusive caregiver.. Yes. Let's touch on that for a moment. Shall we? I wrote about it numerous times in the book.. Obviously, people weren't too concerned.. They never said a word.. If I had been a woman that was abused, everybody and their mother would have tripped over their own two feet to get the woman away from that abusive male.. But see, I'm not a woman.. So nobody gave a damn to take it seriously..
I even contacted people here through the phone and e-mail or PM and begged them to help me find another caregiver at the time.. They either changed the subject, ignored me, or got so silent, you could hear a pin drop three topics away.. Again, those that claimed to be so holy in the life, ignored the fact, that a member was in trouble and needed help.. People couldn't miss it.. It was all over that thread where I went on about it constantly in order for people to pick up on it.. Unless they were a moron, or just didn't care, they couldn't miss it!
No, the truth was, it was easier for people to allow a disabled man to be abused, than to help.. They didn't care if I committed suicide because of it..
So long as it didn't inconvenience them or their gun rights..
And the bitterness grew even more out of this..
I could have told people this was going to happen to me.. But who cared at the time? People ignored it.. Now, as a result, I'm paying that price yet again.. This time, with my life.. It never had to come to this.. But here I am..
So, I'm sorry if people see me as a jerk towards religion.. But truthfully, they created that attitude.. They made me what I am today.. A bitter, sour man..
They sit there in judgment of me.. But will not judge themselves for their part in it all.. But I'm sure they'll have every excuse under the sun to fain innocence.. They will say whatever they have to, to make themselves look squeaky clean with it all and making it somehow "my fault"..
It's convenient to "blame the victim"..
If I'm supposedly someone that god loves. Then his followers failed me.. Epic Failure folks.. I didn't turn my back on Christianity folks.. It turned it's back on me first.. Those that claimed to be so religious, talked a good game, but failed to walk the walk of Christ and his teachings..
And yet, there are those that condemn me for my book.. But yet, they proved every word of it.. Instead of disproving it, they walked right into it..
You're right Wendy.. I'm not a phony.. I call it the way I see it.. If the truth hurts others, so be it.. It wasn't intended that way in my book. But if people desire to take it that way, go for it.. Truth is, they made an epic failure, and deserve to be called out for it..
There was a "golden opportunity" here for Christ's followers to show me that god loved and cared about me.. And they failed that one simple task..
And then, they have the unmitigated gall and audacity, to sit there and judge me as a man that is "hostile against the gospel" as one man put it.. Yep. I guess I am folks.. But who created that in me? As the forgiving man I have always tried to be, I gave the people numerous occasions to prove who they were in Christ..
They had a chance to put up, or shut up.. Guess what they chose..
I practically begged people to help me.. To do what Jesus taught people to do in the bible they hold so dear.. They ignored Jesus and his teachings in this instance.. So don't blame me for feeling the way I do folks.. It isn't me that failed.. I spent my whole life giving to others less fortunate than me.. I lived the words of Jesus in my heart.. I believed that we were "all brothers in Christ." I believed that I could be entertaining an Angel when I did good for others..
I believed that we "are all our brothers keeper".. Sadly, I cannot say the same of others.. I truly "wanted" an excuse to believe in it all.. Hence why I repeatedly begged and pleaded with those that could have helped me with that.. Just like I wrote in one of my chapters about Anthony Bourdain killing himself. I said it all right there in that chapter. I was trying to tell people something in those words. They didn't get it, or didn't care to get it..
And after all this, people act like I'm supposed to love them for it and embrace "their" beliefs? Here's a challenge.. Them first. Practice what you preach..
Sadly, Christianity turned its back on me long ago.. I just repaid the favor..
To you Wendy, I wish a good and long life.. To you and your family, may you know peace and joy throughout your lives.. Thank you for being a good person.. I've always appreciated you as a friend.. As I tell everyone. "Savor the taste of youth. For as you age, you will often find it grows bitter on the vine..."
Take care Wendy.. Peace always my friend..
Michael.
