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Joined
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Messages
9,340
Location
Greenville, SC: USA
Gp... I like you am not religious (at least by many heres standards) but I do believe in doing right. That has never seemed to be a hard thing to figure out. I have kind of briefly seen your trials and tribulations... and like many here wish I could help.., but can't. As you can see there are a lot of folks here who care about you and are actually praying for you. I've always found it interesting that is is often the most religious folks who are the first to cast stones.... The 'pinko hippy' in me has always found it better to cast love and hope at anyone I don't see eye to eye with.
I wish you the best on your journey.
 

GP100

Buckeye
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,136
Pistolero said:
Michael,
Best wishes.
Mike

Back at you my friend.. May long life and happiness follow you everywhere.. For you, and your family always..

Michael.
 

GP100

Buckeye
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,136
WendyZXZ said:
Very sad to read this Mike, I am another big fan of you and your story as well as the posts you had with jokes, cartoons and also the PM messages we have exchanged over the years. Your story is compelling both the happy chapters and also the not so happy because those do illustrate how much you can enjoy the better times and that we should all be grateful for ours. Like Tyrone/Contender and others I am another one who has prayed for you over the years and I think you probably knew that. I personally do not get the hate and nastiness of some online and on forums. There is enough bad in real life to just leave such in that place and not bring it here. I believe that you will take this in the positive way it is meant, on religion I DO see much in your story that has me saying that you are a believer in so many respects, you are just not a phoney like many are.


That was lesson number 6 in my book.. I listed three of them..

6) Be grateful for the wonderful things you have in your life.. Because others aren't so lucky.. Never take these things for granted..

I'm glad you got it my friend..

I honestly don't know what I believe when it comes to god.. Those that claim to know him, haven't exactly treated me all that great over the years.. It kinda destroyed my faith.. I didn't just wake up one morning and think to myself, "I think I'll be a non-believer today." No, it was much more than that Wendy..

I suffered greatly at the hands of those that claimed to be something they weren't.. And it hurt me very deeply.. It ripped my heart out because I thought they were better than that.. But they weren't.. They were no different than the other folks that only saw me as a meal ticket and a means to an end.. I won't go into it because what difference does it make now? Who cares?

I spent a lifetime trying to believe in the "We are all our brothers keeper" part of the bible.. I did much over the years to help others because of that.. I felt a personal responsibility to my own honor as a man to help others..

Yet, I found out the hard way, that many people must have glossed over that one, or forgot it was even there.. Or perhaps they choose to ignore it because it's inconvenient for them.. Because when it came to me back in 2012, those that could have made a difference, chose not too.. Sadly, even more recently it was the same story.. It's all there in my book, and in that thread.. I shouldn't have to point out the blatantly obvious to people.. If I have to draw them a road map, they are either blind, or stupid..

And nobody here is either of those from what I can tell..

So, I honestly have no answers to what I am when it comes to religion.. There are those that have left me cold to it in many ways.. There are those that should be good Sheppard's tending to the flock, yet they let this sheep get away from the herd.. And they could have retrieved it, but simply didn't give a damn.. It was to hard for them I suppose.. As a result, that particular sheep will die in the cold.. No, sadly we are not all our brothers keeper.. We are not a family under god.. It is every man for himself.. And sadly, I've been exposed to way to many people who believed in "screwing the other guy for profit through the word of god".

It is the way of the world.. And so it shall be in his church as well..

Truthfully, I'm thankful I'll die quickly.. Because I'm fed up living in a world that is so indifferent to others pain..

I'm tired of living in a world where the strong, victimize the helpless.. I'm tired of those that claim to be so holy in their judgments of others, yet will not point that finger of judgment at themselves and admit, they are the problem.. I'm just frankly fed up with it all Wendy..

I had a man write me a PM and tell me what he thought of me.. And he said I was a sour person.. Perhaps he's right.. But who made me this way? I'll be happy to tell you the answer to that.. You see, I'll be dead very shortly because of this, so I have nothing more to lose at this point.. Who cares now?

The answer: Christians did.. That's who..

In 2012, my wife died.. I needed a caregiver to help me keep my home.. The state gave me thirty days to find someone to help me with my disability, or they would have no choice but to put me in a nursing home for the rest of my miserable life..

The churches I helped in the past, I went to and asked them to help me find someone to live with me and just be there as a helper.. They couldn't be bothered.. They told me things like, "We cannot do that.. Jesus would not approve of a man or woman living together out of wedlock. And two men living together would be a sin against the teachings of god and Jesus.."

They were happy as hell to pick my damn wallet for thousands of dollars when it suited them.. But couldn't do a damn thing to help me when I needed them.. Suddenly, when there was no more profit to be made off my ass, they dumped me as a member.. Sure they did.. Nothing more to be gained from me.. Once you fleece a man, what more purpose does he serve?

I, in turn, went to the internet and asked for help from those that claimed to be my friend and uber religious.. All i got from them was "I'll pray for you" and a bunch of snarky commentary.. Only one man had the decency to call "SWANS" food, and ask them to help me with food.. I was grateful for his kindness.. Real nice man.. He helped when others couldn't be bothered at the time.. I told people I was at risk of losing my home and everything I worked for at the time..

Nobody cared.. My supposed friends, but yeah, didn't care.. They had no issue at all sitting there and watching me burn.. I lost my home, I lost my money.
I lost my cars.. And everything I ever had.. But they were so religious. How can this be? That was when the bitterness started to sneak into my life..

All i needed was a person that would be willing to live with me as a friend and possibly a manager of things if my health went very bad to quickly.. That person could have lived a life of Riley.. They would have had a free place to live where they could do whatever the hell they wanted, whenever they wanted.. They would have had access to their own vehicle.. Provided by me free of charge.. They would have been paid $4,000-$5,000 a month to do the job.

For all I gave a damn, they could have spent their time watching T.V all day.. All I needed them to do was say they were my caregiver.. And they could have kept me in my home.. Plus, when I died, I was going to leave the house, money and everything to them as a way to say "thank you"..

You see, I felt at the time, that if somebody was willing to help me stay in my home, and give up a part of their life to do it, the least I could do after my death was to give them their life back with a hell of a parting gift.. They could have had an even better life after I was gone.. I had no family, and it was better the caregiver get it all rather than the state..

But, all people had to do was make a few phone calls to friends of theirs and see if they knew of anyone having a hard time in life that needed a helping hand.. Nobody gave a damn to do that.. As a result, I lost my home at the hands of the state of Idaho.. They took my money, and everything i had, and slammed my ass into a frigging Nursing home.. They took everything I had, to pay for my medical care and stay in the nursing home..

I watched as my life was flushed down the toilet.. And yet, all people did was say, "I'll pray for you".. Yeah sure.. That helped.. Thanks a lot!

After one month, I took off and ran away from the nursing home due to witnessing abuse there on patients. I took the only vehicle I was allowed to keep.
I was homeless in my truck for two and a half years while the un-diagnosed bone cancer took over my body due to lack of medical care because of no address. I'm dying in this wheelchair today, because of people NOT helping me back then. The cancer might have been cured if it was caught in the early stages my doctor said. It was treatable at the time. And had I been able to keep my home and my money, I could have been saved..

That's the tragedy here.. I didn't have to die this way.. I could have been saved.. But it wasn't important to others who only gave a damn to discuss their stupid politics and other things at the time.. (Got's to have them priorities ya know.)

The bitterness crept into my heart even more as a result.. And my heart grew a little colder.. It was so bad by this time, I wrote a book about the whole thing called, "The Hypocrisy of the follower." Detailing the whole episode.. Complete with proof of it all.. Copy and paste works wonders at times.. That book names names, and Churches involved at the time.. To be published after my death.. You cannot sue a corpse.. Well, you can. But you ain't getting nothing out of him. That's for sure..

Fast forward to 2017.. Where I wrote in my book about an abusive caregiver.. Yes. Let's touch on that for a moment. Shall we? I wrote about it numerous times in the book.. Obviously, people weren't too concerned.. They never said a word.. If I had been a woman that was abused, everybody and their mother would have tripped over their own two feet to get the woman away from that abusive male.. But see, I'm not a woman.. So nobody gave a damn to take it seriously..

I even contacted people here through the phone and e-mail or PM and begged them to help me find another caregiver at the time.. They either changed the subject, ignored me, or got so silent, you could hear a pin drop three topics away.. Again, those that claimed to be so holy in the life, ignored the fact, that a member was in trouble and needed help.. People couldn't miss it.. It was all over that thread where I went on about it constantly in order for people to pick up on it.. Unless they were a moron, or just didn't care, they couldn't miss it!

No, the truth was, it was easier for people to allow a disabled man to be abused, than to help.. They didn't care if I committed suicide because of it..
So long as it didn't inconvenience them or their gun rights..

And the bitterness grew even more out of this..

I could have told people this was going to happen to me.. But who cared at the time? People ignored it.. Now, as a result, I'm paying that price yet again.. This time, with my life.. It never had to come to this.. But here I am..

So, I'm sorry if people see me as a jerk towards religion.. But truthfully, they created that attitude.. They made me what I am today.. A bitter, sour man..

They sit there in judgment of me.. But will not judge themselves for their part in it all.. But I'm sure they'll have every excuse under the sun to fain innocence.. They will say whatever they have to, to make themselves look squeaky clean with it all and making it somehow "my fault"..

It's convenient to "blame the victim"..

If I'm supposedly someone that god loves. Then his followers failed me.. Epic Failure folks.. I didn't turn my back on Christianity folks.. It turned it's back on me first.. Those that claimed to be so religious, talked a good game, but failed to walk the walk of Christ and his teachings..

And yet, there are those that condemn me for my book.. But yet, they proved every word of it.. Instead of disproving it, they walked right into it..

You're right Wendy.. I'm not a phony.. I call it the way I see it.. If the truth hurts others, so be it.. It wasn't intended that way in my book. But if people desire to take it that way, go for it.. Truth is, they made an epic failure, and deserve to be called out for it..

There was a "golden opportunity" here for Christ's followers to show me that god loved and cared about me.. And they failed that one simple task..

And then, they have the unmitigated gall and audacity, to sit there and judge me as a man that is "hostile against the gospel" as one man put it.. Yep. I guess I am folks.. But who created that in me? As the forgiving man I have always tried to be, I gave the people numerous occasions to prove who they were in Christ..

They had a chance to put up, or shut up.. Guess what they chose..

I practically begged people to help me.. To do what Jesus taught people to do in the bible they hold so dear.. They ignored Jesus and his teachings in this instance.. So don't blame me for feeling the way I do folks.. It isn't me that failed.. I spent my whole life giving to others less fortunate than me.. I lived the words of Jesus in my heart.. I believed that we were "all brothers in Christ." I believed that I could be entertaining an Angel when I did good for others..

I believed that we "are all our brothers keeper".. Sadly, I cannot say the same of others.. I truly "wanted" an excuse to believe in it all.. Hence why I repeatedly begged and pleaded with those that could have helped me with that.. Just like I wrote in one of my chapters about Anthony Bourdain killing himself. I said it all right there in that chapter. I was trying to tell people something in those words. They didn't get it, or didn't care to get it..

And after all this, people act like I'm supposed to love them for it and embrace "their" beliefs? Here's a challenge.. Them first. Practice what you preach..

Sadly, Christianity turned its back on me long ago.. I just repaid the favor..


To you Wendy, I wish a good and long life.. To you and your family, may you know peace and joy throughout your lives.. Thank you for being a good person.. I've always appreciated you as a friend.. As I tell everyone. "Savor the taste of youth. For as you age, you will often find it grows bitter on the vine..."

Take care Wendy.. Peace always my friend..

Michael.
 

contender

Ruger Guru
Joined
Sep 18, 2002
Messages
22,138
Location
Lake Lure NC USA
I wish I was computer smart enough to start a gofundme page. I'm not on anything that I could do it though.

But,, Maybe too many here feel that Michael is bitter & hateful. He's not,,, and he's tried to express it.

But he is very disappointed in so many people too. People proclaim they want to help others,, and yet,, fail to follow through with action.
I liken it to gun owners who fail to vote or join the NRA. They want others to do things for them,, yet proclaim to support the cause.
Churches claim to want to help people,, and with a hurricane bearing down on the East Coast,,, many are "gearing up" to help those who MAY need help. Yet,,, because Michael is blunt, honest, politically incorrect,,, etc,, some folks here have turned their backs upon a human being in true need.

I tried,,, and I had some good success,,, when I raised funds to help get Michael off the street a few years ago. The many members who chipped in & donated money, I want you to know this; It was used for the exact things I asked for it to be used. And another board member assisted me in this. THANKS to all who did help.

And right now,, I'm not able to do much,,, but I do wish I could. Despite all things,, Michael is a man who needs help,, and isn't getting it.

So,, if anybody can,, I'll ask that they create a gofundme page & help a fellow board member.
 

protoolman

Hunter
Joined
Oct 15, 2001
Messages
2,217
Location
ND
I don't think anyone has a clear picture of what good it would do to raise money again now? I know the forum raised some money to help buy his trailer before and one member sent food etc. Are we now to understand that Michael is being sent to hospice at a nursing home? What would money do for someone with terminal cancer in a govt nursing home? Sorry to be blunt but I truly don't know. To Michael- don't judge Christians as we are all sinners. All that matters is your personal relationship with God. I pray for you and hope you find peace.
 

GP100

Buckeye
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,136
protoolman said:
I don't think anyone has a clear picture of what good it would do to raise money again now? I know the forum raised some money to help buy his trailer before and one member sent food etc. Are we now to understand that Michael is being sent to hospice at a nursing home? What would money do for someone with terminal cancer in a govt nursing home? Sorry to be blunt but I truly don't know. To Michael- don't judge Christians as we are all sinners. All that matters is your personal relationship with God. I pray for you and hope you find peace.

Uhhm. I'm not going into any nursing home.. Have no idea where that came from.. And the money wasn't to "buy" the trailer house.. It was to "rent" the trailer home.. I never owned anything.. I wanted to "buy" one used for ten thousand, but the money raised was nowhere near that.. So, I couldn't buy anything.. It amounted to about 2,000. Just enough to pay first, last months and a security deposit. (Which you NEVER get back) Sorry if there was confusion over that..

I have no idea where I'll be.. Depends where the highway takes me.. My truck is my home now.. That's all I wish to say on my situation currently.. There's been enough people that danced on my grave so far in PM, I don't wish to give them any more info..

Not aimed at you sir. You were a decent person and never did that..
 

GP100

Buckeye
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,136
WendyZXZ said:
The only problem with GoFundme and other such sites is that they need to be viewed by thousands if not tens of thousands of people to view them and donate for them to raise a lot of money.

Yes, that is the MAJOR issue with that.. You need thousands of people to see it in order to make a serious difference.

Having no address sucks..
 

protoolman

Hunter
Joined
Oct 15, 2001
Messages
2,217
Location
ND
OK sorry, I guess I jumped to conclusions based on comments here and there. Thanks for clearing up your situation. Let us know where you land if possible. I think we can still send things to general delivery or maybe a WalMart money transfer.
 

GP100

Buckeye
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,136
protoolman said:
OK sorry, I guess I jumped to conclusions based on comments here and there. Thanks for clearing up your situation. Let us know where you land if possible. I think we can still send things to general delivery or maybe a WalMart money transfer.

You're welcome on the clarification. I have no idea where my life will take me now.. I couldn't take anymore here.. Too much b.s. in Idaho. No resources here..

I have ALL these agencies out here that provide "lousy" medical care.. From caregiver agencies to home health care. But the thing is, they have NO ISSUE making a dollar off my misery and disability, but when I need them to help me do something to improve my life situation, they cannot be bothered to help me.. I asked them to help me move a few things in the house to make it easier to get around in the wheelchair, they couldn't be bothered.. Said, "Oh, we don't offer that service. We can't possibly do that."

But yet, they have no problem cashing those checks from my insurance.. That they can do very well.. I'm sick and tired of these vultures out here making their blood money off my disability, but won't do their damn job! This state sucks. I'm done with them.. They are all fired..

Hiring a caregiver here, is a joke. You need absolutely NO QUALIFICATIONS at all to be "just" a caregiver for someone.. You can literally grab anyone on the street, and if they pass a criminal background check, and a piss test, viola! they are hired by an agency to be a caregiver.. They cannot diagnose anything, and they cannot do anything that an RN, or LPN can do. But, they can be a caregiver.. And they hire the absolute worst crap they can find.. Which of course leads to situations like mine.. It's the perfect job for people in Idaho who honestly don't give a damn about anything but the paycheck.. They don't give a damn about anybody here.. If they can't profit off you, they could care less if you drop dead..

Truthfully, I am tired of all of it. I would rather die a free man in my truck homeless, than be someone's door mat, and be abused by a caregiver.

I may very well drop dead a homeless piece of crap on the streets.. But at least I will die free, and not a slave.. Nobody owns Michael. I take orders from one man.. ME.

If I die out here, so be it.. I will die as I lived. My way.. But at least the abuse will end in my truck.. For this, I'm grateful.. I wish to die in peace. Not being yelled at or treated like garbage.. I wouldn't wish that on even my worst enemy.. I can't be that damned cruel to anyone.. I don't care who the hell they are.. Nobody deserves that..

I had hoped at the time, that I could raise ten thousand dollars, because in Idaho, you can get a really decent trailer home at great prices.. I've seen 24 foot (double wide's) go for about fifteen to twenty thousand here..

It was my intention not to be greedy.. I'm not that type of person.. I do not need much to be happy. ten grand would have been enough for me to own my own little house and be happy the rest of my life.. I don't need a three hundred thousand dollar home to be happy in life.. my needs are simple.. And I'm not greedy..

I can be happy with very little surprisingly.. I would rather do without, in order to feed some homeless child or person that needs it worse than me..

Perhaps before I finally close my eyes, I will be granted the one wish I so desperately want.. A home of my own to die in.. A home where I can die in my own bed like a man.. With dignity.. I'm broken hearted because of it all.. I was a good person my whole life.. I do not deserve to die like a dog in the street.. But if that is my destiny, then so be it.. I am ready to meet death on my feet, one last time.. I will look death in the eyes and tell him,
"Let's dance. Show me what you got you sorry S.O.B."

It's just my way..
 

Pierow

Blackhawk
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
668
Location
Chicago Suburbs
Michael,

I haven't read anything else in this thread other than your original post. Just want to say, from what I have read in your book, there is no way Dar would be angry as heck at you. Maybe he would be mad about your circumstances but not mad at you Michael.

My hope is that you get to a better place my friend. Dar is in your corner right now. You two had such a unique and special relationship. No way he isn't in your corner trying to do anything he can to help you, your pain and suffering.

Best, John
 

Colonialgirl

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
7,994
Location
Wesley Chapel, Florida
Well, Got a call from GP100 today and he HAS been BOOTED out of his home and IS living on the side of the road in his van. He said his right leg is swollen up and has started seeping a clear fluid and he cannot use it to drive with and has difficulty propping it up on the right hand seat thanks to the "dog house" in the center (Engine cover in a van). He DID NOT sound good on the telephone. I suggested going to a the hospital ER for treatment, but he doesn't think highly of them and suspects it be a look and booted out the door.
I did not suggest committing a crime and then letting them lock him up; Then the prison would be responsible for treating his cancer while providing him a cot and three hots a day, but from the contact I've had with him I know this would not be a something he would do.
My heart aches for Mike and I feel so helpless being so far away from Indiana here in Florida.
 

contender

Ruger Guru
Joined
Sep 18, 2002
Messages
22,138
Location
Lake Lure NC USA
"My heart aches for Mike and I feel so helpless being so far away from Indiana here in Florida."

I can echo the sentiments. But he's in Idaho, (not Indiana) and I'm in NC.
 

Colonialgirl

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
7,994
Location
Wesley Chapel, Florida
Robb Barnes said:
Where in Idaho is he located? If you know you can PM me the location and I try to find a free medical clinic near him.

He's in Pocatello, ID ; Good luck, Itried to find him help as have several other members; Can't even get the churches to help.
 

GP100

Buckeye
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,136
Colonialgirl said:
Robb Barnes said:
Where in Idaho is he located? If you know you can PM me the location and I try to find a free medical clinic near him.

He's in Pocatello, ID ; Good luck, Itried to find him help as have several other members; Can't even get the churches to help.

I'm using a free WiFi connection to get this message out., So I have no clue how long it will last or it's dependability..

I WAS in Pocatello.. I'm not anywhere close to that town anymore..

I tried to get some people in Pocatello to help me, nobody gave a damn.. Even KPVI tv news couldn't give a damn.. Called the cops asking for help, they couldn't give a crap either and did nothing.. They walked away..

I had no choice but to leave the situation there.. Finally, to my GREAT relief, a member here, "Callshot" that lives in that town, got some of his boys together, and they moved my stuff out of the house.. We packed my truck, and a "U-Haul" for the caregiver.. She went her way, I went mine..

While Callshot's wife was there, she SAW the way Ellie was.. She SAW how Ellie treated me like crap.. Even Dear Christine said it was time for me to find something better and get away from Ellie.. Steve's wife, Christine, was genuinely disgusted with my caregiver.. I get the feeling that there was no love loss there.. Christine could probably say it better though.. She was visibly upset with the way Ellie left dirty dishes in a sink, when she knew we were moving out..

Christine SAW Ellie treat me like crap, with disrespect and even telling me to shut up..

Callshot yet again helped me, when others told me to drop dead in that town in Idaho.. Him and his wife, got the people they needed to help me get out..

I half jokingly told Steve.. "If it's any consolation to you, you'll never have to look at me again or help me in life ever again.. This is a one way trip for me.."

I left Idaho, to die.. And my time is fading quickly here.. my leg is swollen up to three times it's normal size.. As a result, my calf muscle is hitting the damn doghouse of the Ford E-150 I have.. (engine cover between the seats.)

My foot cannot touch the gas peddle due to this.. I can hit the brake peddle okay.. But it's the gas peddle I need..

Somebody should write a song with the lyrics, "sitting in a truck, on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.." Because it would fit..

Even if I could go somewhere, the issue is, North Carolina is 2,400 due east from my location currently.. And Florida is farther..

I won't survive the trip.. I would be dead long before that..

You know damn well, that your life isn't worth spit to anyone, when the police and the news media don't even give a damn about a dying man on the street..

When death catches up to me, he'll have to at least bow his head to me in respect.. He has been chasing my worthless ass ever since I was 10 years old.. He will finally catch his trophy.. But I'm sure, he'll bow his head to me and say, "I must say Michael, I've chased you all over the world for decades.. I respect you.. You gave me a hell of a run for my money.. I'm glad this chase is over Michael.. Frankly, you wore my ass out son.. I'm tired.. You were worthy prey.."

I will finally surrender to him.. I'm tired.. The chase is over.. I have nothing left to give..

I have to go for now.. I'll try and keep in touch when I can.. But I make no promises.. I do the best I can..

I guess I won't get my last wish.. I wanted to die in my own bed like a man.. But if I've been taught anything by this.. I'm not looked at like a man.. I was an ATM on wheels.. All people cared about at the agencies here, was making money off my disability and pain.. They never cared about me as a person.. And my death is proof of this.. There is nothing more to be made off me. So they could care less..

I lived my whole life working hard and helping others.. And "this" is my reward for it all....

Take care..

Michael..
 

Colonialgirl

Hawkeye
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
7,994
Location
Wesley Chapel, Florida
contender said:
"My heart aches for Mike and I feel so helpless being so far away from Indiana here in Florida."

I can echo the sentiments. But he's in Idaho, (not Indiana) and I'm in NC.

AH TY; You know how it is; Your mind wanders ever now and then and BOTH start with an "I" !!
:roll: :roll: :wink:
 

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