Still in shock, and it's been a few days...

Help Support Ruger Forum:

I offer my sincere and deepest condolences to you. I understand and empathize with you, and I do understand your feelings. I lost my wife this past December sixth, at 5:20 p.m.. I was holding her hand as she breathed her last. She had been suffering from a fatal genetic disease, which left her bedridden. At 80 years of age, I could no longer lift her and transfer from the bed to her wheelchair, or even to the toilet. We had been together 50 years, and I had to make the decision to take her to hospice care. There are many commonalities here, and I do understand loss and being alone after many years. Again, my deepest sympathy and condolences. I don't know you personally, but I will offer prayer for you tonight.
 
We'll pray here for strength for you to get through this difficult time.
My "2nd parents" from a family I lived with for 2 years (my own family was quite dysfunctional) lived in an old farmhouse they fixed up themselves. When the wife started to have difficulty with mobility, they built a new, more accessible house across the street. On moving day, she died in the recliner just as the movers arrived, and remained there while everything else was moved. She did not want to live anywhere but the old farmhouse, I figure.
 
Only those of us who have lost a life partner can truly relate...yes we all have lost folks along the way; parents, friends even siblings...but those losses are different than losing your life partner. My prayers go out to you for the Lord to give you comfort and allow your heart to heal.
 
My sincere condolences to you for your loss. I'm only now reading your post on Saturday morning and I hope you've been able to sleep and get a bit of your strength back. What a terrible loss to experience.
 
Aqualung said:
Well Ruger Forum Family,

I can't shake the shock of the emptiness in both the house and my heart at this time.

At around 9:00am on Monday, January 20th, Kelly, my lovely wife of 30 years drew her last breath and passed away in front of Bean and me. It was so sudden and unexpected that I still can't get over the shock.

She'd been fighting and suffering with a really nasty case of shingles that had turned her legs into open sores like a burn victim. She ended up pretty much confined to a wingback chair in our bedroom since she couldn't lay in bed and put pressure on he legs. Between the sores/wounds and the nerve pain, any contact was excruciating. Because she was seated upright, she started losing circulation to her legs and then wasn't able to even get out of the chair to stand. While I'm a big guy, I'm not as strong as I used to be (health issues of my own) and she was a big woman ("sturdy" as she would have been described in the Old Days), even I couldn't lift her out of the chair without her lifting with her arms.

She had a couple days straight where she couldn't sleep, so got weaker and weaker. We'd agreed leading up to the weekend that either on Sunday or Monday, we would call the ambulance so a cadre of paramedics and firemen could get her out of the chair and onto whatever apparatus they could use to get her down the two flights of narrow stairs in our row-home. On Sunday, she looked so bad that I wanted to call the ambulance, but she weakly told me that she was so exhausted, she thought she'd be able to sleep and get enough strength to be able to help get them out of the chair (so Kelly...worried about everyone else).

I didn't sleep a wink Sunday night into Monday, just listened to her breathing, which while fast and heavy, wasn't different from the prior couple days. At one point, at around 4:30am, I heard something different and called over to her to ask if she was OK. She replied the most lucidly and coherently than she had been in the prior several hours that she was OK.

At 6:00am, I got up to use the bathroom and she was still "sleeping", though it was clear that she wasn't getting any healing rest...but she wasn't different than earlier. I was exhausted, I laid back down, determined that I would get up a little later, pack her "go-bag" for the hospital and then call the ambulance. At just after 8:00am, I got up, packed her bag, went into the back room to clean the kitty litter pans to get ready to put one in the bathroom for the boys, (Bean and Bandit) since I'd have to lock them in there while the firefighters and medics were there. They have a nasty propensity of getting underfoot.

I went back into the bedroom and Bean had curled up on the "go-bag". I tried to wake Kelly up and told her that I was going to call the ambulance. She didn't wake up or react, but just kept "sleeping". I when back over to the foot of the bed and sat down on the cedar chest to dial the phone when Bean picked his head up and looked at Kelly. His eyes got really wide and I turned to Kelly just in time to see her draw her last breath...and that was it.

It's surreal here. I can feel the absolute emptiness and silence in the house, but still just can't believe that she's gone...like she's just upstairs. I was really only worried that she'd lose her toes or feet because of the lack of circulation to her feet from sitting in the chair. Even despite the fact she had AFib and had suffered heart failure in the past, we never thought this would turn fatal for her.

So, seeing the post from @Bob Wright about the widowers support group made me say to myself "Hey, you're in that club now..."
Kelly was the best of us and the world is a lesser place without her. She made me a better man, let's hope I can keep being that man.

Sorry, I didn't expect to write out the whole story, but it just seemed to come out. Don't mean to be a downer or unload my troubles on everyone...just needed to vent some grief.

Aqualung
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@Aqualung , my father in law became a widower and my mother a widow both in 2021 and I can only tell you to cling to the hand of God and He will bring you through. May God grant you peace and and comfort your heart . Prayers. Your always welcome to talk to us on here. Thats what this place is for brothers supporting each other. Kelly is resting with God take comfort in knowing that.. 🙏
 
Condolences to you on your loss. I can only imagine what you are feeling now. The best part of this "forum" is that this is more than a gun forum. These are a lot of like minded and good people here that really mean what they say when they wish you well. Take care....
 
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Good morning,

I came across your post this morning while sitting on the couch with my charming wife of 30+ years. I am so sorry for your loss and how unexpected these events were. My wife recently had a similar experience with Shingles yet with a more favorable outcome. I keep telling myself that life is short and that we must enjoy our lives and time together. Telling the story of the events leading up to a loved one's passing is healing in my view. Thank you for sharing your story at this difficult time. I try to imagine what live would be like along and it is scary. My wife and I talked this morning about your loss and considered the impact such an event would have on us and our family. There is no easy path forward. You have helped my family as we will face a similar outcome at some point.

Bill
 
I know I thanked everyone a few days ago, but it definitely bears repeating. Everyone's heartfelt wishes, prayers thoughts and condolences are sincerely appreciated. I can't believe the massive outpouring of support for me, a longtime lurker and occasional contributor to this forum. I'm sorry that I cannot begin to respond to everyone's posts individually.

As for me, I'm doing OK...definitely not the wreck that I thought I'd be. Friday will be the test...that's funeral day.

A user on the other Ruger forum posted about people in relationships becoming "a third entity" in which both partners form a "third person" that becomes a being that is the sum of their parts. That's how we were. everything we did was in synch to the point where we could finish each other's sentences and pretty much know what the other was thinking. I find myself still talking to her and "hearing" her responses...so she's still here with me.

Thanks again for all the kind words, thoughts and prayers. I appreciate all of them.

Aqualung
 
Heavenly Father,

We come before You with heavy hearts, seeking Your comfort and strength for our dear friend who has lost his beloved wife of 30 years. Lord, You know the depth of his pain and the emptiness he feels in this time of profound loss. We pray that You wrap Your loving arms around him, providing the peace that surpasses all understanding. May he feel Your presence in his moments of loneliness and grief. Remind him that You are near to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. Father, we ask that You bring to mind the cherished memories of the love he shared with his wife. Let these memories be a source of comfort and a testament to the blessing of their companionship. Help him to see that their love was a reflection of Your own heart. Lord, we pray for Your provision and guidance in the days ahead. Grant him wisdom as he navigates this new chapter of his life. Open doors that need to be opened and close those that should remain shut. Help him to lean on You for strength and direction.We ask that You surround him with a community of believers who will show him love, compassion, and care. May they be the hands and feet of our Lord, offering both practical help and spiritual encouragement. Help them to mourn with him and support him in his grief.
 
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