I am so, so sorry for your loss and heartbreak, but add that I am glad that you were there at the end. Whether you believe it or not, she knew. You had been together too long for her not to know. Nothing hurting her now, and you hold her in your heart.Well Ruger Forum Family,
I can't shake the shock of the emptiness in both the house and my heart at this time.
At around 9:00am on Monday, January 20th, Kelly, my lovely wife of 30 years drew her last breath and passed away in front of Bean and me. It was so sudden and unexpected that I still can't get over the shock.
She'd been fighting and suffering with a really nasty case of shingles that had turned her legs into open sores like a burn victim. She ended up pretty much confined to a wingback chair in our bedroom since she couldn't lay in bed and put pressure on he legs. Between the sores/wounds and the nerve pain, any contact was excruciating. Because she was seated upright, she started losing circulation to her legs and then wasn't able to even get out of the chair to stand. While I'm a big guy, I'm not as strong as I used to be (health issues of my own) and she was a big woman ("sturdy" as she would have been described in the Old Days), even I couldn't lift her out of the chair without her lifting with her arms.
She had a couple days straight where she couldn't sleep, so got weaker and weaker. We'd agreed leading up to the weekend that either on Sunday or Monday, we would call the ambulance so a cadre of paramedics and firemen could get her out of the chair and onto whatever apparatus they could use to get her down the two flights of narrow stairs in our row-home. On Sunday, she looked so bad that I wanted to call the ambulance, but she weakly told me that she was so exhausted, she thought she'd be able to sleep and get enough strength to be able to help get them out of the chair (so Kelly...worried about everyone else).
I didn't sleep a wink Sunday night into Monday, just listened to her breathing, which while fast and heavy, wasn't different from the prior couple days. At one point, at around 4:30am, I heard something different and called over to her to ask if she was OK. She replied the most lucidly and coherently than she had been in the prior several hours that she was OK.
At 6:00am, I got up to use the bathroom and she was still "sleeping", though it was clear that she wasn't getting any healing rest...but she wasn't different than earlier. I was exhausted, I laid back down, determined that I would get up a little later, pack her "go-bag" for the hospital and then call the ambulance. At just after 8:00am, I got up, packed her bag, went into the back room to clean the kitty litter pans to get ready to put one in the bathroom for the boys, (Bean and Bandit) since I'd have to lock them in there while the firefighters and medics were there. They have a nasty propensity of getting underfoot.
I went back into the bedroom and Bean had curled up on the "go-bag". I tried to wake Kelly up and told her that I was going to call the ambulance. She didn't wake up or react, but just kept "sleeping". I when back over to the foot of the bed and sat down on the cedar chest to dial the phone when Bean picked his head up and looked at Kelly. His eyes got really wide and I turned to Kelly just in time to see her draw her last breath...and that was it.
It's surreal here. I can feel the absolute emptiness and silence in the house, but still just can't believe that she's gone...like she's just upstairs. I was really only worried that she'd lose her toes or feet because of the lack of circulation to her feet from sitting in the chair. Even despite the fact she had AFib and had suffered heart failure in the past, we never thought this would turn fatal for her.
So, seeing the post from @Bob Wright about the widowers support group made me say to myself "Hey, you're in that club now..."
Kelly was the best of us and the world is a lesser place without her. She made me a better man, let's hope I can keep being that man.
Sorry, I didn't expect to write out the whole story, but it just seemed to come out. Don't mean to be a downer or unload my troubles on everyone...just needed to vent some grief.
Aqualung
I am very sorry for your loss!Well Ruger Forum Family,
I can't shake the shock of the emptiness in both the house and my heart at this time.
At around 9:00am on Monday, January 20th, Kelly, my lovely wife of 30 years drew her last breath and passed away in front of Bean and me. It was so sudden and unexpected that I still can't get over the shock.
She'd been fighting and suffering with a really nasty case of shingles that had turned her legs into open sores like a burn victim. She ended up pretty much confined to a wingback chair in our bedroom since she couldn't lay in bed and put pressure on he legs. Between the sores/wounds and the nerve pain, any contact was excruciating. Because she was seated upright, she started losing circulation to her legs and then wasn't able to even get out of the chair to stand. While I'm a big guy, I'm not as strong as I used to be (health issues of my own) and she was a big woman ("sturdy" as she would have been described in the Old Days), even I couldn't lift her out of the chair without her lifting with her arms.
She had a couple days straight where she couldn't sleep, so got weaker and weaker. We'd agreed leading up to the weekend that either on Sunday or Monday, we would call the ambulance so a cadre of paramedics and firemen could get her out of the chair and onto whatever apparatus they could use to get her down the two flights of narrow stairs in our row-home. On Sunday, she looked so bad that I wanted to call the ambulance, but she weakly told me that she was so exhausted, she thought she'd be able to sleep and get enough strength to be able to help get them out of the chair (so Kelly...worried about everyone else).
I didn't sleep a wink Sunday night into Monday, just listened to her breathing, which while fast and heavy, wasn't different from the prior couple days. At one point, at around 4:30am, I heard something different and called over to her to ask if she was OK. She replied the most lucidly and coherently than she had been in the prior several hours that she was OK.
At 6:00am, I got up to use the bathroom and she was still "sleeping", though it was clear that she wasn't getting any healing rest...but she wasn't different than earlier. I was exhausted, I laid back down, determined that I would get up a little later, pack her "go-bag" for the hospital and then call the ambulance. At just after 8:00am, I got up, packed her bag, went into the back room to clean the kitty litter pans to get ready to put one in the bathroom for the boys, (Bean and Bandit) since I'd have to lock them in there while the firefighters and medics were there. They have a nasty propensity of getting underfoot.
I went back into the bedroom and Bean had curled up on the "go-bag". I tried to wake Kelly up and told her that I was going to call the ambulance. She didn't wake up or react, but just kept "sleeping". I when back over to the foot of the bed and sat down on the cedar chest to dial the phone when Bean picked his head up and looked at Kelly. His eyes got really wide and I turned to Kelly just in time to see her draw her last breath...and that was it.
It's surreal here. I can feel the absolute emptiness and silence in the house, but still just can't believe that she's gone...like she's just upstairs. I was really only worried that she'd lose her toes or feet because of the lack of circulation to her feet from sitting in the chair. Even despite the fact she had AFib and had suffered heart failure in the past, we never thought this would turn fatal for her.
So, seeing the post from @Bob Wright about the widowers support group made me say to myself "Hey, you're in that club now..."
Kelly was the best of us and the world is a lesser place without her. She made me a better man, let's hope I can keep being that man.
Sorry, I didn't expect to write out the whole story, but it just seemed to come out. Don't mean to be a downer or unload my troubles on everyone...just needed to vent some grief.
Aqualung