Without a doubt, aging has been on my mind a lot lately. I turn 80 in less than 2 weeks, and while in one way I am looking forward to it, since all of my grown kids will be here to celebrate the event, including my two oldest sons who will fly in from Seattle and Boston respectively, for the most part I am struggling with the reality that this is likely my last "milestone" birthday. My Mom made it to just under 104 before she died, but realistically I know that making it to 90 is probably a long shot. But my sad musing is really another aspect of this whole aging thing.
Over the last few years my "social" circle has really shrunk down to my wife and the rest of my family. Several old friends have passed, or moved away. Two old Army buddies are in the process of dying right now. While my wife has developed a local circle of good friends, I have not. Prior to retiring from my job, my friends were folks I worked with, mostly much younger than myself and in the years of retirement those friends have mostly moved on. So on a day to day basis, its mostly just me and my wife. Financially we are okay with our modest lifestyle, but that is primarily due to my military pension. If I should die before my wife does, her income will drop to a fraction of what we now get, and this is something that I worry about. But losing my wife before I pass is something I can barely contemplate. So much of my life revolves around her and what we do together that I know I will be terribly lost should I have to go on by myself.
So I'll finish my sad musing and try to get on with my life. She's going off for the day with friends to visit several quilting shops. I'll take the dogs for a long walk and then get ready to pick up my two youngest grandsons after school and keep them for the afternoon until my son comes by to pick them up. I know that I am better off in so many ways than so many other folks, including many far younger than myself, but some days my aging and what it means for the future really gets me down.
