Puns for the Educated

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Joined
Sep 1, 2003
Messages
7,007
Location
Richmond Texas USA
Puns




1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12..
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.

17.
A backward poet writes inverse.

18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'


23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.



There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.
 

KIR

Sparks, NV
Joined
Mar 2, 2022
Messages
1,597
Just got a couple from my auto repair center in their newsletter...
Q: What do you call Santa's most impolite reindeer?
A: Rude-olph.

Q: How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?
A: Nothing. It's on the house.

Q: What Nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish

Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A: A rebel without a Claus.

I can imagine some of you with a hand to their head moaning... :eek::ROFLMAO:
 
Joined
Sep 1, 2003
Messages
7,007
Location
Richmond Texas USA
1701810368465.png
 

Bob Wright

Hawkeye
Joined
Jun 24, 2004
Messages
7,619
Location
Memphis, TN USA
And..............

A lovestruck young man went to his pastor. "I'm afraid I falling for two women. And I can't choose one."

"And who are these women?" asked his pastor.
"Well, Kathleen is a mighty fine lady, and she cooks good too. But Edith, Oh, Edith! She makes my heart beat faster."

"Well," said the pastor, "You'll have to choose. You can't have your Kate and Edith too."

Anon.
 

Bob Wright

Hawkeye
Joined
Jun 24, 2004
Messages
7,619
Location
Memphis, TN USA
And..............

A wealthy man went to Africa, studying among the primitive tribes. He acquired a tribal chief's ivory throne, sending it back to the US. He acquired yet another throne, made of bones gilded with gold. And his collection grew.
He built a new house in the US, with a large glass fronted room to display his thrones. But the weight of the thrones was too much for the glass and one day it all crashed to the ground.

The moral of this is that people who live in glass houses should not stow thrones.


Bob Wright
 

protoolman

Service-Sixer
Joined
Oct 15, 2001
Messages
2,534
Location
MN and MT
Puns




1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3.
She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4.
A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.

7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.
A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.

10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12..
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.

17.
A backward poet writes inverse.

18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'


23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?'
The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.



There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.
I have trouble figuring out your puns because I take things literally. I guess that makes me a kleptomaniac.
 
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