My Dad was not my "Buddy", he was my Dad

[Bob Wright]

My Dad was a sheet metal worker, a veritable artist working with soldering copper, and a true craftsman in his trade. But he was also pretty handy with a claw hammer and handsaw. He could frame up 2x4 studs and turn a little time and lumber into a room addition. And he could change out a fuel pump on his old Lafayette. Just ordinary fix-it type stuff.

As a youngster, I "helped" at times doing this stuff. I knew how to drive a nail, insert a bolt into a trheaded hole, and learned that to bolt two pieces of steel together there had be be a hole in each piece, and they must line up. Dad never spent "quality time" with me. He never took me aside and gave me any lessons. I just watched him and learned from that.

Every Friday evening when he came home from work, he went around to the corner grocery and paid our grocery bill. He gave Mom the money to pay our laundry bill and charge accounts. On Sunday morning he put on his Sunday suit, including putting his tortoise shell fountain pen in his breast pocket as a finishing touch before loading us into the car for church.

Dad never "preached" to me. nor taught me any lessons. Or did he?

I think about him as I repair my fence, make minor repairs around the house. And, how in the world did I learn to do all this stuff?

Bob Wright

 

[arfmel]

If my dad ever used the word "buddy" in addressing me, I knew I was in trouble.

 

[Wyandot Jim]

Well with me it was just the opposite. My Dad and I did fun stuff together. Fished and hunted along with plinking,flew model "U" Control planes, bought boats and airplanes which we fished and flew, He was a Plastering Contractor while I was growing up and as a teenager he taught me how to do lathing and plastering in Ohio. Later we both worked for my grandfather until I got into Engineering and Construction in Texas.
I do feel sorry for you that didn't have a Dad you can call your BEST FRIEND. I still at times dream of my Dad and the things we did together and miss him more than words can describe.
I known for a fact that I'm also my Son's best friend and proud of it.

"I think about him as I repair my fence, make minor repairs around the house. And, how in the world did I learn to do all this stuff?"

Bob I guess you have watched a bunch of "How To on Youtube"

 

[GypsmJim]

My Dad never "taught" me anything. There were no lessons. I simply watched him. Now, I'm a competent electrician, plumber and carpenter. I also credit my abilities to watching Grandpa.

My son is the same way. He can do anything as well.

Both Dad and Grandpa and my sons did a lot of fun things together. Fishing, hunting, camping, boating, etc. I never thought of anyone as a buddy, just Dad and Son.

I remember with fondness some of my old relatives that have passed. I remember each funeral but don't remember much else. Dad passed 10 years ago and I don't remember anything except our times shooting and fishing. I guess I have not yet accepted it.

Dad was an avid cigar smoker. Not supposed to but he did anyway. When afield I could always find him because of the smoke. The first day deer hunting after he passed I was out in my back 40 when I smelled a cigar. I said to myself, I better go tell that trespasser that this was private property. I found no one. It was then that I realized tat Dad was here watching me.

 

[Kevin]

Well said Jim. I did a ton of fun stuff with my dad too, lots and lots and lots of traveling.

I try and do that stuff with my daughter as well. In the summer we make a list of things she wants to do and I make sure she does that list. We try to travel to somewhere new, but also do stuff around the house. We paint bookcases or cabinets, go to museums, restaurants etc. She better consider me a friend!

Not putting down what you've said Bob. I do know parents today have a different attitude towards being a parent.

 

[eveled]

My Dad was my best friend. He left this world too young. I doubt my kids will miss me half as much as I miss him.

 

[Bob Wright]

Well with me it was just the opposite. My Dad and I did fun stuff together. Fished and hunted along with plinking,flew model "U" Control planes, bought boats and airplanes which we fished and flew, He was a Plastering Contractor while I was growing up and as a teenager he taught me how to do lathing and plastering in Ohio. Later we both worked for my grandfather until I got into Engineering and Construction in Texas.

When I learned the things I know how to do, there was no "Youtuebe" not TV instructionals. And radio wasnt any help! Just from "helping" my Dad.

Bob Wright

 

[Wyandot Jim]

When I learned the things I know how to do, there was no "Youtuebe" not TV instructionals. And radio wasnt any help! Just from "helping" my Dad.

Bob Wright

Bob I was just a funen with you.

 

[blume357]

I was actually thinking about this same thing a few weeks ago. For those that don't know it I live in a pretty big town and have run my own one man service business (chimney sweep) for just over 40 years. So, my work is going to people's houses and doing repairs or maintenance on their chimneys and fireplace and wood stoves. All of my customers call in service people to do work on various things. What I was remembering is that growing up I can't recall anyone coming to our house to work on or repair anything. Not once... My father did it all. .

 

[Shotgungibbs]

My father & I went fishing & squirrel hunting together, some. But he didn't teach me anything. He never came to my little league baseball games or practices. He never actually played with us. I don't recall him giving me a hug, or telling me he loved me until he was up into his upper 70's. He showed us love by giving us money. He never understood how a few words or actions could have made a world of difference for us. I knew he loved us; he just didn't say it or show it. He passed away in a nursing home while I was in Alaska on a brown bear hunt. There was no way to reach me, so I didn't get home until after he was gone & buried. He wasn't my best friend, but I loved him. I miss him, but wouldn't want him back the way he was the last 4-5 years of his life. He didn't recognize us, or remember us. I do not wish that on anyone. There are fates worse than death.

 

[Mobuck]

Dad was rough and I learned early on to work hard and be diligent. This served me well but it was a tough learning process. I guess I can't fault his ways as I haven't experienced the life he led.
My Dad apparently suffered from PTSD or similar wartime mental issues. I didn't understand this until after he died. I drove Mom to one of Dad's army unit reunions and then heard many of the stories which shed light on his problems. BTW, there's no greater honor than being accepted into such a group of much older veterans simply because of who your Dad was.

 

[dannyd]

Well said Jim. I did a ton of fun stuff with my dad too, lots and lots and lots of traveling.

I try and do that stuff with my daughter as well. In the summer we make a list of things she wants to do and I make sure she does that list. We try to travel to somewhere new, but also do stuff around the house. We paint bookcases or cabinets, go to museums, restaurants etc. She better consider me a friend!

Not putting down what you've said Bob. I do know parents today have a different attitude towards being a parent.

When my daughters were going up I was their Dad and definitely not their friend just how it was back in the day.

The only difference in my daughters life's growing up and my sailors was my daughters lived in subdivision and my sailors lived on the boat.

My policy as a Navy Chief: I treat your kids no better or worse than my kids.

 

[Watertender]

My dad was a rough man in most ways with little patience. He could fix anything and run any piece of equipment like an artist. He worked heavy construction all of his life and was an Operating Engineer for almost 50 years. He would run equipment in places that would scare most people and make it look easy. We were not close but I did get my work ethic from him. When I became Chief Engineer I gave him a tour of the Powerhouse that I was in charge of and it did impress him because of the size of the equipment. He liked the 3516 Caterpillar generator sets and 4 story high steam boilers. One of my proudest possessions is his old "tin hat" from his early days on construction. After I gave him the tour of my Powerhouse he gave it to me and I wore it as my own after he died less than a month later.

 

[dannyd]

Dad was rough and I learned early on to work hard and be diligent. This served me well but it was a tough learning process. I guess I can't fault his ways as I haven't experienced the life he led.
My Dad apparently suffered from PTSD or similar wartime mental issues. I didn't understand this until after he died. I drove Mom to one of Dad's army unit reunions and then heard many of the stories which shed light on his problems. BTW, there's no greater honor than being accepted into such a group of much older veterans simply because of who your Dad was.

Between the depression and World War 2 those guy's had a lot going on in their heads and it definitely didn't make for wonderful childhoods for their kids, but it made the kids who survived it able to endure almost anything.

 

[Don Lovel]

My dad did take me hunting alot, I was the bird dog mom wouldnt let him have.
His career in banking and law left me unimpressed, I saw him dealing with wealthy people's problems but alot of crap at home was all clueless to him, he acted like we had no money and his method of punishment was public humiliation of us boys by talking down to us and calling us stupid in front of other people. If I got in any jams at school it always had to be 100% my fault and he never called out false stuff about me. Until my senior year they tried to keep me from graduating and he threatened legal action against the school board if they me held me up on my Naval enlistment hinging on gradùating high school.
He was all about spending money on his fun and left mom and us boys at home. Mom finally threw down the gauntlet after he was talking crap about my little brother in public. She threatened to leave him broke and since she paid the house mortgage off with her teachers pay he was gonna be homeless.
After she started hospice, he fully realized his errors and cooperated with us up through her passing. He is super respectful to me now and my daughters are two of the most important people in his life.
I do love my dad, but he really pissed me off for many years.

 

[Bob Wright]

Bob I was just a funen with you.

 

[Threespears]

I'm lucky
my Dad was both my DAD and my Buddy. I think it was because his Dad wasn't for him

 

[hittman]

Y'all that had good relationships with your dads and grew up in a BOTH parent home are truly blessed!
That's a rare occasion these days.

 

[Johnny-Baseball]

My Dad told me very little about his life, and particularly about his years in the Pacific during WW II as his destroyer's fire controlman - directing fire of the ship's 5"-gun batteries. Only during his final 3 moths alive (he died in 2017) did Dad open up a bit, I suspect because he knew he was dying of terminal liver cancer. So he shared a little about his Navy experiences, including Guadalcanal, the Philippines Sea, Iwo Jima and 6 other key naval battles. Six years after I requested his complete military service records, in 2023 I finally received them. To my surprise those records indicate Dad was awarded 3 bronze stars for action at Guadalcanal, at Palau and in the Solomon Islands. But those records did not include any recitation of the events that led to those awards. Since Dad never mentioned receiving those awards, I'll never know.

But he DID share with me some about his personal life. In the summer of 1941, when he was 16, the Dallas and Fort Worth newspapers selected Dad as DFW's outstanding amateur baseball player. Then Pearl Harbor happened, and with his parents' permission Dad enlisted in the Navy in March 1942. In the summer of 1945, while his destroyer was being prepared for the Japan invasion, Dad played on a ship baseball team, and that team played in tournaments with other Navy, Army and Marine teams. Dad told me that scouts for the Phillies and As each tried to sign him to pro contracts, but dad passed because he needed to return home to help out his family financially. But he also told me the Navy offered him an appointment to Annapolis if he would re-enlist. He passed on that opportunity as well.

[My aunt - Dad's baby sister - once shared with me that Dad would routinely get in the back yard to practices hitting. He'd gather a hat full of chinaberries, then toss them into the air and hit them with a broomstick. And when he was 15, his father (my grandfather) paid a whole week's earnings to buy Dad a new baseball glove.]

Dad's love of baseball continued throughout his life. He and 3 other dads formed Richardson, Tx's first little league in the 1950s, an endeavor that morphed into Richardson Boys Baseball Inc. and ultimately Richardson Sports Incorporated. (which included basketball, football, and girls' softball). Dad was never singled out for that, but then he wouldn't have wanted that attention.

Dad and I attended all of my youngest son's high school baseball games, including their win in the 2008 Texas high school championship game. Nothing made Dad prouder than knowing that his grandson loved baseball (and was honored as an Academic All-State athlete to boot).

My biggest gift to Dad was tickets for he, my oldest son and I to attend the 1995 MLB All-Star game held in Arlington, TX. Dad had tears in his eyes as we stood for the National Anthem, and I sometimes think he was wondering whether he would have achieved that level of success. It didn't matter to me. In my eyes he'd achieved greatness way beyond what baseball could have afforded.

 

[Wyandot Jim]

Johnny-Baseball
What a great story about your Dad. My Dad also had some of the same traits as yours. It comes with being a member of "The Greatest Generation" If you read the Book The Greatest Generation.
Tom Brokaw explains in the book some of our Dad's thinking and yours seems to fit the mold same as my Dad.
Now I know how you got your screen name Thanks.