LOVE THESE OLD "BLONDE LINES"

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Wyandot Jim

Hawkeye
Joined
Sep 1, 2003
Messages
5,095
Old but good for a chuckle, enjoy.





Two blondes were going to Disneyland.

They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said “Disneyland LEFT.”

They started crying and turned around and went home.



FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'

The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????



CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, 'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'



SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'



RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."



AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'

'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'



KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!



Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,

'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'



BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'

The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'

The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'



IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'

She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'



FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
 

redhawker

Buckeye
Joined
May 23, 2009
Messages
1,408
A blond cop pulls over a blond in a sports car for speeding. The blond cop says, "let me see your driver's license". The blond in the sports car hands the cop her compact mirror from her purse. The blond cop looks at it and says, "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop?"
 

Acorn

Buckeye
Joined
Sep 10, 2006
Messages
1,290
A blonde walks into a beauty shop wearing earphones, tells the stylist what she wants done puts the earphones back in and never says another word. The stylist try’s to make conversation to no avail.
The same thing happens time and time again but when she try’s to get her to remove the earphones the blonde adamantly refuses.
Finally the stylist can’t take it any more and when the blonde arrives she pulls the earphones out of her ear. The blonde starts gasping and falls over dead.
The stunned stylist can’t believe what just happened but just had to know what was the blonde listing to. Putting the phone to her ear she hears a voice slowly saying “Inhale………Exhale……….Inhale …….Exhale.
 

Acorn

Buckeye
Joined
Sep 10, 2006
Messages
1,290
2 blondes are walking down the street.
Blonde 1 pulls out a mirror and checks her makeup.
She says to blonde 2 “This girl’s face in my mirror looks so familiar.”
Blonde 2 takes the mirror and looks into it and says “Well, yeah duh, it’s me!”
 

mishtub

Blackhawk
Joined
Oct 24, 2011
Messages
554
Did you know that blondes have their own language?
Can you speak it?














If you can't, how does it feel to be dumber than a blonde?
 

KIR

Single-Sixer
Joined
Mar 2, 2022
Messages
177
I once had a blonde gf and she mentioned there were jokes blondes could tell about men and/or brunettes. I googled and found one old web site that was called something like, Revenge of the Dumb Blonde Jokes. Gotta look it up again.
 

pyth0n

Blackhawk
Joined
Sep 11, 2007
Messages
682
AOC 6
 

Rook

Blackhawk
Joined
Sep 13, 2015
Messages
712
My girl was a real blonde and after a half century together she passed away last October. She would let you know in a hurry that very few blondes were natural and it used to tick her off when women would ask what color she used on her hair.

SCN 0014a34 2a
 

LDM

Single-Sixer
Joined
Nov 16, 2015
Messages
492
What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech,?
A blonde at a blinking red light.
 

jimbo1096

Buckeye
Joined
Jan 10, 2005
Messages
1,833
Rook, truly a beautiful blonde lady. Lost my blonde sister three weeks ago, my blonde daughter last Sept, and her redheaded mother July '20.
Hard to outlive the ones you love.
 

Diabloman

Single-Sixer
Joined
Mar 19, 2022
Messages
117
A Blonde frantically called the Fire Dept.
Ya gotta hurry my house is on fire..Hurry!
The Fireman said just calm down Ma'am and tell us
how to get to your house!
Blonde replied, "Well don't Y'all still have them Big Red Trucks?
 

Rook

Blackhawk
Joined
Sep 13, 2015
Messages
712
Rook, truly a beautiful blonde lady. Lost my blonde sister three weeks ago, my blonde daughter last Sept, and her redheaded mother July '20.
Hard to outlive the ones you love.

Jimbo sorry to hear that. It's been a terrible year for you for sure. I know it's been hard on you and continues to be. I'll pray for you but it would appear that my prayer line has been disconnected for the past 2 years. I keep trying anyway.

You're right it's very hard to outlive your loved ones. It's terrible! It's been 6 months today well yesterday now since my wife passed on. We had 2 daughters to die in the past and I thought nothing in the world could ever be any worse but I was wrong. My wife June and I had each other to lean on during those terrible times but now she's gone and it's the worse 6 months of my life so far and it's not getting any better with time it's getting worse everyday. I try to stay busy doing things around the house to keep my mind from thinking about it every minute of the day and night but its not working. When I'm not busy I try to read stuff on the Internet or ramble on here on the forum to vent my problems, sorry about that, but it helps some because I can't talk to people in person because I sound like a blubbering idiot and start crying. I grew up in a time when boys didn't cry and made it all the way through grammar school and high school and never cried a single time no matter how bad I got hurt but I've never encountered anything like this even when our daughters died. This grief is beyond believable. If I weren't a religious person I would have jumped off a bridge or a tall building months ago but I believe the bible and suicide is supposed to be an unforgivable sin so I'm doing my best to be able to see June again someday.

We were inseparable we did everything together for almost all of our lives. We were only apart a total of 4 days a week for 4 weeks in March of 1985 during all those 50 + years we were married. She was my hunting and fishing partner, she was my soul mate. We drove across the US and back 4 times using back roads to see the country during those years. We went to every state we drove 2 million miles and never had an accident on the road. Then this disease took her in in a blink of the eye.

I fell in love with that little beautiful blonde haired blue eyed girl that I would one day marry when I first saw her walking up the stairs from her 3rd grade classroom in 1958. She walked right up and started talking to me and my heart started racing and my knees got weak and I was probably beet red. It was love at first sight and it was a day I'll remember forever. The only memory from the old days that was any better was that summer day in 1967 that she married me.

How do people go on? How on earth can someone even think of finding someone else after that many years together. I know the bible says until death do you part but if you believe in heaven and seeing your loved one again someday how could you face them if you had been with someone else after they died? If you think there's not anything but love in heaven that'll change if I make it there and June knows that I had found someone else after she died. It wouldn't be pretty. She was a mild mannered, church going, god fearing lady but lord help you if you wronged her or harmed one of her babies 'cause there would be no good place to hide. She was a country girl from East Tennessee that was raised on a farm and she raised her younger 3 brothers and 2 sisters and those boys were big but they didn't mess with sis.

June died in my arms early in the morning on October 21, 2021 from a massive stroke. I went crazy trying to revive her before the ambulance got there but it was no use. I had sat and slept in my recliner by her bedside for over 18 months caring for her while I watched her die in agony from that god awful disease cancer that brought on the massive stroke. I ended up in the hospital when she died. The morning she died I got very lightheaded and could hardly stand up without holding on to something. I went to the doctor in the evening and she sent me straight to the emergency room where they found I had a 100 percent blocked main artery the one they call the widow maker artery. They were able to put in 3 stents and got the blood flowing. I went to my old cardiologist last Thursday. He wasn't the doctor that worked on me during the emergency but he pulled my heart images up on the computer in the exam room and said you not only had a completely blocked artery but you also had a rupture and a blood clot. He didn't know my wife had died and he ask me if I had some sort of dramatic event that happened to me recently. I told him June died that same morning. He said your heart had already bypassed the blockage using smaller veins but he said the rupture and blood clot happened suddenly. I asked him how on earth could a person live with a blocked main artery in the heart and a rupture and a blood clot. He said normally you wouldn't but it was just not your time to go. He said you should have had a hear attack at least. He said he had been a doctor for nearly 30 years and there were a lot of things he couldn't explain or understand but he said it has strengthened his faith in God. He said we repair the body and think we're pretty good at it but if it's your time to go then you're going to go no matter what we do.

I've worn a heart monitor for 4 weeks last month because I've still been lightheaded. My doctor said your heart is doing fine and they checked my carotid arteries in my neck that checked out ok also. The doctor said it's anxiety and anxiety can cause lightheadedness, dizziness and many other things. He gave me some meds for it and it does seem to be clearing up somewhat. I found out when you hear of someone one dying of a broken heart it's not just a saying it's actually true. Your heart can explode over someone dying. Mine did but I survived so far. Looking back now I should have just stayed home instead of going to the hospital.

I lost a lot of weight this past 2 years and I wouldn't recommend my diet plan to my worst enemy. If I lose anymore weight I'll have to dig in my closet to see if I can find my high school bellbottom pants. ha

Well it's time for more meds and another sleepless night. I've been up for 3 days this time which I guess you can tell by this post. I can't get my sleeping pill prescription Ambien refilled for another 2 weeks. I've had to take more and more of them to knock me out and I run out of them otherwise they do no good anyway so I might as well take them.

Again sorry to ramble on but I got nothing else to do except surf the web or watch our old family videos and look at pictures of happier days in the past.
 

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