I've just got to vent!

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WarpathEngineering

Single-Sixer
Joined
Nov 26, 2006
Messages
107
Location
Erlanger, KY
Sorry but this is gonna be a long one.

I've got this pal who up till a little while ago I considered a best friend and I'd bend over backwards for him and his family. My wife introduced us, she's worked with his wife for about 19 years and they've been best friends for quite a while in fact they are so much alike it's scary. Anyway, for about the last 4 years this fella and I have done a lot of shooting, some hunting, lots of complaining about of wives, etc. So late last year his mother died and everything fell to him and his brother. One thing led to another and my mom and a couple of her friends volunteered to help him sort thru a lot of his mother's craft supplies and while digging thru the piles she came across some sort of piece of equipment that she wanted to buy and my buddy not knowing what it was worth allowed my mom to make an offer. Now my mom is a real stand up lady and wouldn't cheat the devil if she had a chance so she offered to pay $500, admittedly more than the thing was worth given it's age and he accepted. In the meantime my mom was coming out to our house on a daily basis to take care of a puppy while my wife and I were at work and after several months of this all thru the crappy weather we had this winter and early spring the only real way I could think to say thank you was to offer to purchase this piece of equipment for her and although she was against it she finally relented and I told my buddy that I'd be buying the item for my mom as a thank you for all of her time and trouble. After a week or two while my mom was making room for this thing, my buddy calls me to say that he's decided to charge half again as much, $750 blaming his brother was griping he wasn't charging enough for the items he was selling out of the estate and then proceeded to tell me that to appease his brother, he was going to give him the entire $750 and let him think he had actually charged $1500 since they've been splitting the proceeds. Being a little shocked at this turn of events and not really wanting to get into an argument right off the bat I said OK and we moved onto other topics of discussion.

I must say, not only did this piss me off but the more I think about it the hotter I get. This all went down around April and we've not spoken since. Now before all this happened I would bet there wasn't a week that went by we weren't talking on the phone about heading to Cabelas or Bass Pro, getting together to shoot or reload ammo, or just get together as couples for dinner. Hell we've even gone on vacation with them. My wife and his wife still talk all the time and have been out a few times and neither one has said a word to the other about what has happened. If your thinking to yourself, "Boo hoo this is just school yard BS" your not alone, I've thought that from day one and to be honest I thought I was a bigger man than this but I've got to say any time I think of this it really get's under my skin and I don't know why. I'm a handyman by trade and have been out his house, his in-law's place and their vacation home numerous times to do pro-bono repairs because I enjoy helping friends out. Now I'm hearing thru a mutual friend that he's made an off hand comment that "since he hasn't been sending work my way, I'm no longer entertained and must have moved on" ....WTF!

It just pisses me off!
 

Jim Puke

Hunter
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
3,088
Location
South Georgia
It seems that there must be more to this...

Who instigated most of the getting together that was done prior to this "transaction'?

Are you pissed about the price increase or y'all not getting together anymore?
 

WarpathEngineering

Single-Sixer
Joined
Nov 26, 2006
Messages
107
Location
Erlanger, KY
Jim Luke said:
It seems that there must be more to this...

Who instigated most of the getting together that was done prior to this "transaction'?

Are you pissed about the price increase or y'all not getting together anymore?

I'd say the "getting together" was mutual although he never seemed to shy away from calling me for handyman work, which I didn't mind as I said before. It's nice being useful at something. And I'm pissed about the price increase and the potential loss of a friendship over such a trivial matter. Yes I know that I'm the one in control of that one.
 

Jim Puke

Hunter
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
3,088
Location
South Georgia
WarpathEngineering said:
I'd say the "getting together" was mutual although he never seemed to shy away from calling me for handyman work, which I didn't mind as I said before. It's nice being useful at something. And I'm pissed about the price increase and the potential loss of a friendship over such a trivial matter. Yes I know that I'm the one in control of that one.

Look, I ain't an expert on this kind of stuff and I have needed to take my on advice a few times...was tough to swallow, but I got through it.

I would just contact him and get together...would not even mention what happened. It is in the past, you agreed to it...so just make sure that the friendship does not end because of you.
 

contender

Ruger Guru
Joined
Sep 18, 2002
Messages
21,795
Location
Lake Lure NC USA
Wow, a tough one.
My first impression is that you let it go by when it first happened & didn't "remind" him of a set deal & price for the machine.
I think that when he wanted to raise the price, you should have stopped him right away & explained that the agreed upon price was $500. That if he didn't want to honor the deal, to take a few minutes to do a bit of research to see that a used machine like that wasn't worth $500. I would have backed out of the deal as he's the one who broke the deal.
But now, long after the fact, it may be hard to overcome.

So, if he was a true friend, he wouldn't have raised the price.
If he was a true friend, he would have come forward to see why you haven't been in contact.
If he were a true friend, he would have been calling you for trips to Cabelas or Bass Pro.
He has let $250 be the reason a friendship has been put on ice. Maybe that's all it was worth to him?

I have a friend right now, that I've known about 40 years. His life's journey & mine have been different. He was a rowdy one. Drinking & partying etc. Married & divorced once. Good as gold sober, but a pain when drinking. Some of his personality is way off for most folks. Telling tall tales often, even when not necessary.
Yet, he has many good qualities. He worked hard until his health put him on disability. He loves kids & while he has none, will spend countless hours with nephews & others, just helping them or watching them. (He baby-sits his youngest nephew for his brother sometimes. That boy loves to ride his dirt bike and they don't allow him to ride his "track" w/o an adult around. That boy is 10 yrs old.) He takes the boys hunting & fishing, giving them guns & rods & reels etc.
But, he's on disability & a very fixed income. He was a carpenter. He can no longer climb ladders due to the 2 knee replacements he's had. I hire him to help me on many jobs. He's darn good help, when he's there. A few times, he's left me w/o help due to one issue or another. He's borrowed money, & still owes me. His truck just broke down & they believe the engine is shot. He's w/o any transportation.
Despite his bad issues, he's been a longtime friend, proving he's a good one to me. I see his good side, and I allow it's his life for him to live as he chooses. Will I ever get the $$ he owes me? I don't know. Will I continue to help him? Yes, as long as he doesn't cross a few lines he knows will end things.

All this is hopefully getting you to step back & think long & hard about how good of a friend he was to you. If he ups the price on something after an agreed deal has been reached, maybe your friendship wasn't worth much to him.
Maybe you could do the research about that machine, showing the true value of the one you got for your mom, and print the info. Then a simple letter, hand written, allowing how you felt betrayed over his actions. And that if he wishes to continue the friendship, he needs to step up & discuss it openly with you.

Just a bit of my thoughts here.
 

WarpathEngineering

Single-Sixer
Joined
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Messages
107
Location
Erlanger, KY
contender said:
So, if he was a true friend, he wouldn't have raised the price.
If he was a true friend, he would have come forward to see why you haven't been in contact.
If he were a true friend, he would have been calling you for trips to Cabelas or Bass Pro.
He has let $250 be the reason a friendship has been put on ice. Maybe that's all it was worth to him?

That's it in a nutshell.

The longer this goes on the more it's eating at me and to be honest I'm teetering on either cutting bait or calling him up and seeing if he wants to get a beer and forget this ever happened. I'd prefer the second it's just getting there that's gonna be tough.
 

nekvermont

Blackhawk
Joined
Sep 10, 2010
Messages
865
Location
vermont
Yes, it was a crappy thing to do, to raise the price after a deal and it probably does say something about his character. You said yourself that the $500 your mom offered to pay was admittedly more than the thing was worth given it's age, maybe he did you a favor (in a strange way). That being said from a guy that has a way of feeling that I need to hold people accountable for their actions, I would just tell him that I thought raising the price after a deal was a crappy thing to do, leave it at that and see how he responds. His responce will tell you a lot. Just my two cents.
 

bobski

Hunter
Joined
Oct 18, 2012
Messages
2,871
Location
Ct., Va., & Vanzant, Mo.
'money seperates friends.'

because friends are formed based on needs.

'need' will win over a friend any day. its a universal truth you just learned. sad, but none the less a valid lesson.

dont even begin to ask me all the so called friends i once had that were lost over things. :<

a true friend will always make sure the other gets the better end of a deal every time, because true friends give off the top, not the bottom.(jewish proverb)

this guy had a chance to bless your mom. but he went for the money instead. follow me?

if you really want to win this deal....give it back and get your 500 back. then the burden of guilt will be ALL ON him. let him have his stuff.
your mom will be rewarded in the future some other way for being the wiser of the two.

people can mask it any way they want, but the true nature of man is evil. in the beginning he chose wrong over right. and to this day, whenever evil lifts its head with situations like yours, we are reminded of the fall of man from grace.

'the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom.'

the fact that you and your family just got bit by evil, hopefully will push you closer to God. the truth really does set people free from these kinds of situations.

be strong.
 

whichwatch

Blackhawk
Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Messages
678
Only you can put a value on the friendship but I would give him the original $500 your mom and he agreed to, he can throw in the extra $250 and still tell his brother he sold it for $1,500
 
Joined
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Messages
232
Location
Wayland, Ohio USA
I had a friend / couple like that, we did everything together. Wives with Wives, Husbands with Husbands for going on 20 years. The year that my mom died, she (instead of supporting me - or being supporitng to me) gave me grief about the fact that I told her that it was pretty sunny, she was pretty pink and to put some sun screen on. She took it that I was telling her what to do.. and we were on vacation about 1000 miles from home on motorcycles. anyway - that caused a big blowup. An ugly blowup, that went on and on.

And though my heart hurts, the friendship can never be what it was. The trust is gone. I mourn the friendship - the one that was in my head - because facts have shown that she never was the friend that I thougth she was.

I feel for you. But you cannot mend a broken dish to where you cannot see the cracks.
 

The Blackhawk Kid

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here 'n there
Just tell him to go jump in a lake! You don't need BS like that. Still mad after 4 or 5 months? I couldn't trust someome like that after all the BS you went thru. JMHO
 

RugerHound

Hunter
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Casa Grande, Arizona
WarpathEngineering said:
contender said:
So, if he was a true friend, he wouldn't have raised the price.
If he was a true friend, he would have come forward to see why you haven't been in contact.
If he were a true friend, he would have been calling you for trips to Cabelas or Bass Pro.
He has let $250 be the reason a friendship has been put on ice. Maybe that's all it was worth to him?

That's it in a nutshell.

The longer this goes on the more it's eating at me and to be honest I'm teetering on either cutting bait or calling him up and seeing if he wants to get a beer and forget this ever happened. I'd prefer the second it's just getting there that's gonna be tough.

Yep - It's Just that simple IMO!

I really REALLY get irate when I make a deal, then the other party changes the terms. That's a showstopper in my world. ;)
 

blackhawknj

Buckeye
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Messages
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Ben Franklin said "If you want to get the real measure of a man's character, share an inheritance with him."
 

powder smoke

Hawkeye
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Location
Milo Maine
My two cents, A deal is a deal 500 bucks was agreed on period, his brother wants to raise the price well that's too bad for him.
Your friend should have stood up to his brother, and explained that the deal was done.

I've made deals before with friends on occasions sold things far below actual value why? Friends.
One way to surely end or strain a friendship is to go back on your word seems like that is what
happened.

No easy answer here, if I was in this situation I probably would speak to him explain to him we had a deal
and see were the conversation goes. IMO a friend will stand by his word and deal with his brother. ps
 

Mobuck

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missouri
If the guy wouldn't stand by his deal with your Mother after the effort she put forth to help him(AND HIS BROTHER), I'd be leery of his commitment to the "friendship".
Forty years ago, I had a close friend who worked for the non-resident landowner across the fence from the farm where we lived. We spent a LOT of time together and I put in lots of hours helping him on HIS job. Sometimes I got paid but most was "gimme" work(free). I was young and strong and had a little extra time and he had unlimited pickup gas and some good fishing ponds. In 1980, I bought the place where I currently live and moved 3 miles from the other place so was no longer just across the fence and less available-both distance and time wise. The friendship wilted and now we only see each other if we meet in town. Still chatty but not the same "buddies" as when I was putting 8-12 hours a week into HIS job.
You've got to decide if the guy is worth dropping the issue but either way, you should tell him why you are miffed.
 

Colonialgirl

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Wesley Chapel, Florida
blackhawknj said:
Ben Franklin said "If you want to get the real measure of a man's character, share an inheritance with him."

In this regard, My older Brother Rates a Double A-1 +++++++++++
My Mother had put her house in his name because she was having health problems and was afraid that IF she had to go into a "Senior Home" that they would take the house as payment. Granted, he had moved in with her and took care of all the maintenance, took her to Hawaii to see his son and a friend and would take her up to Central Calif. to see his other son and nieces and nephews. When she passed away, He took out a loan on the house to pay me an unexpected share of its value.
God Bless my Brother, I have loved him ALL of my life and he has ALWAYS been my best friend in the world.

ps: My brother once told me that he has loved ME longer than I have loved him. His logic: He has loved me ALL MY LIFE, BUT I HAVEN'T Loved him ALL HIS LIFE. Never figured out HOW to answer that one.
 

WarpathEngineering

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Joined
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Messages
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Erlanger, KY
I'd like to thank everyone for their input, support and advice. I stopped by my buddy's today and he acted like nothing ever happened, wanted to talk about the weather and such. I had a lot of equipment stored at his place for shooting/reloading so I picked it all up while I was down there. Probably took 15 minutes, short, sweet, noncommittal. The ball is in his court now and if he decides not to play so be it.
 

Bear Paw Jack

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Alaska, Idaho USA
An old man once said, "If a man borrows $100 from you and you never see him again, it was a good deal." Here is the problem. Getting bitter at someone is just not healthy for you. Let it go. Life goes on, it's too bad it happened but that's why people get divorces. Do you best to end it on good terms, and you will feel better in the long run.
 

WarpathEngineering

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Joined
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Messages
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Erlanger, KY
Bear Paw Jack said:
An old man once said, "If a man borrows $100 from you and you never see him again, it was a good deal." Here is the problem. Getting bitter at someone is just not healthy for you. Let it go. Life goes on, it's too bad it happened but that's why people get divorces. Do you best to end it on good terms, and you will feel better in the long run.


Good point.

To be honest, I'm tired of thinking about it, I just want the whole thing to go away.
 
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