Humor in a war zone.

[GunnyGene]

Not every day in Nam was blood and guts. Here's a few stories, and I'm sure other vets have similar tales.

Some folks won't get this, but humorous episodes in war zones are not that unusual. In Danang, Vietnam there were several instances that were absolutely hilarious that I personally witnessed.

During the Monsoon season the ground sometimes unexpectedly became quicksand. A couple of instances of this come to mind.

1. A unfortunate jeep driver drove into such a spot and ended up standing on the hood of his jeep while it slowly sunk beneath him. He was eventually rescued but not before his jeep had disappeared beneath him and he was up to his waist in quicksand.

2. During a pretty heavy period of rain, a rather overweight Marine SSgt visited our one man outhouse near our hootch. After a few minutes we heard some hollering and yelling, and upon investigation found the SSgt waist deep in yugo. The ground had collapsed beneath him and dropped him into the catch hole. Took a while to get him out.

3. In another instance, a Marine was coming back to the hootch across the narrow Marston Matting bridge that spanned the swamp near our area, having spent some considerable time in a local bar, and fell off. We heard his screams as he crawled out covered with leeches. Took a while to calm him down and get the leeches off, especially the ones attached to his crotch.

4. Then there was the enterprising Corporal who set up a whorehouse in the tent area. His partner in this enterprise, a Navy Corpsman, would bring in the hookers from Dogpatch in an ambulance with the lights flashing and be waved thru the gate without any inspection of the passengers.

 

[Hugh]

Back in 1965 - 1966 it was not unusual for a Saigon Commando REMF Major or Lt Col to catch a ride in a bird dog and a couple of weeks later along came a Silver Star or Bronze Star with V. That was not at all uncommon until it was brought to a halt (I hope). Yep, I too was in the rear with the gear; never felt a need to ride in a bird dog though. Did volunteer to ride gooney birds and kick flares but my boss wouldn't let me; probably a good thing.

There was a USMC Colonel upstairs who thought it would be cool to have Vietnamese Jump Wings. Against the advice of my boss, a Special Forces Colonel, that brave Marine took himself out to the nearby Vietnamese base and jumped. Yep, broke his ankle, yep, got yelled at and called stupid by my boss, and yep, limped around the office for several weeks.

Yep, both true stories; I was there. Nope, I didn't feel a need for Jump Wings.

 

[Paul B]

We had a Lt. COL at Osan in Korea back in 63 that gave us "green beans" (FNG) his pep talk about eating out in the "V" and getting hepatitis or some other nasty stuff and said he's court martial anyone who got sick. Also said he's personally call a married troop's wife and inform her if he found out they were visiting the local hookers. One "green bean" came right out and said that might not be good Idea. A month before the Lt. COL was to rotate stateside, guess who was in the base hospital with a bad case of hepatitis? You guessed it, the Lt. COL. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. :roll: :lol:
Paul B.

 

[SAJohn]

One of my relatives was a CH-47 driver in Vietnam. His unit was short (as I recall) something like a jeep. Formal channels got them nowhere, so they scouted out a storage depot that had exactly what they wanted. Using the midnight requisition method, he flew his CH-47 into the compound, the crew hopped out, attached a sling, and away they went.

 

[graygun]

Don't remember humor like that but had some fun and somewhat interesting times. Most of the time was routine 12-hour night shifts baby sitting electronics in a com site.

 

[Colonialgirl]

We had a Lt. COL at Osan in Korea back in 63 that gave us "green beans" (FNG) his pep talk about eating out in the "V" and getting hepatitis or some other nasty stuff and said he's court martial anyone who got sick. Also said he's personally call a married troop's wife and inform her if he found out they were visiting the local hookers. One "green bean" came right out and said that might not be good Idea. A month before the Lt. COL was to rotate stateside, guess who was in the base hospital with a bad case of hepatitis? You guessed it, the Lt. COL. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. :roll: :lol:
Paul B.

LOL Paul; Reminds me of ANOTHER Osan Story about a New Lt COl who arrived (don't recall if he was US Army or US Air Force; First weekend went down into the Ville and came back with a dose of the AAAHH well it hurts when you pee Venereal Disease; Made a mandatory 30 day wait BEFORE Green Beans were allowed Off post.
Then there was the time the AF Base Commander's Daughter was caught in a hooch having a good time with her Airman Boy friend; Her butt home to the States and His to Alaska or somewhere UNPLEASANT!!

PS: NO SECRETS in the Military; The Medics Always KNEW what officer had a dose of what social disease !!!

 

[Paul B]

CG. Loved that little tale of woe. :lol: I was lucky. At the time I was there, the medics and weather shared the same hooch on base. If that type problem came up it never officially went into our records. 8) We had a few guys who were repeat offenders. :roll:
Paul B.

 

[graygun]

Officers deserve as much vd as they can get. :lol:

 

[wwb]

Our FSB (Firebase Mahone) had one tiny generator for the command/commo bunker.

One fine day, when escorting a supply convoy to Newport shipyards in Saigon, we spotted an unattended beautiful, grey, trailer mounted 4-cylinder diesel generator... had something about "USN" stenciled on it. Nice thing about the military.... lots of stuff is standardized - like pintle hitches for instance. Hooked it up to the deuce-and-a-half as we were leaving and never looked back.

Shortly after pulling into the firebase the next day, Top came to see me with the following message: "The old man says he didn't see nothin', and he wants it painted green NOW.

A little horse-trading with the engineers for some wiring, and all the bunkers in the firebase had electric lights and fans.

 

[pete44ru]

.

I especially liked the way C-47 aircrew utilized every wheel chock they could scrounge before a mission, to use as bombs on junks they came across on the RTB.(The pilot would give whomever the release signal)

The 48" chocks would take the bottom out of any junk they hit.


.

 

[GunnyGene]

I wonder. What humor might we find when war begins on US soil, as it inevitably will some sunny day.

Dr. Strangelove may make another appearance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxrWz9XVvls

 

[graygun]

Are we all mad,perhaps so! :shock: War on our soil is inevitable,I believe. I'm not sure who'll be laughing then.

Reading Revelation,such that you may understand it,looks like maybe asteroids,nuclear war,famine,plague and a man more evil than all who came before. This creep and his sidekick will be personally slam-dunked into the Lake by a returning Christ. Reality trumps fiction.

Lock and load one infinite-round magazine? :shock: :lol:

 

[SAJohn]

On our ship over in Japan, we had an academy midshipman aboard as part of his summer training. He was a really neat guy so we showed him the rounds in Sasebo. In just one dalliance with a local soiled dove he caught a dose of the clap. Understandably, he did not want that on his record so I found and took him to a local Japanese doctor to obtain the required antibiotics.