Funny driving stories.

[gnappi]

When I got my first job out of school I was a photocopier tech, and on a visit to a doctor's office I parked my beater car and did some paperwork before going in and a Caddy pulled to my left so close I couldn't open my driver's door.

I cranked the beater door window down and said to the old geezer "thanks for parking so close I can't get out of my car".

The geezer said, " my car is worth 50 of that POS, go out the othe door".

What the value of our cars had to do with his rudeness I have no clue.

So, I climbed over the stuff in my passenger seat, fixed the Doctor's machine and got into the elevator all alone. I had REALLY BAD gas and let out the biggest most odiferous fart EVER, it was really bad.

Anyway when the elevator door opened who should be standing there waiting for the elevator?

THE OLD RUDE GEEZER

I walked out of the elevator he walked in, turned to me, pressed the button for his floor and all of a sudden his face showed surprise, shock and as the elevator door closed he upchucked!

JUSTICE !!!

 

[375hh1973]

Thats legendary !!!

 

[Watertender]

I was in a company van for the equipment company I was working for in early 1988. I was going about 45mph in a 30mph zone and got pulled over for speeding. I was trying to get to a toilet before I filled my pants and explained that to the cop. The heat was on in the van and I let a fart that was long, hot and ROTTEN!

The cop started gagging and told me to go clean out my pants! About 17 years later I had a different job as Chief Engineer of a college. I was working the afternoon shift with one of my 1st class engineers and his brother stopped by while on duty as a police officer. He had a partner in the car and I recognized him as the cop who had stopped me years earlier.

I asked if he remembered the situation and he did. We were both laughing and telling the story from both perspectives. It was funny to hear it the way each of us described it.

 

[Cholo]

Around '71 I had a driving job in a Dodge van with no rear or body side windows. To turn left on many highways you had to use what was called a jug handle. Two lanes exited right in order to cross the highway I was just on. I'm in the left lane of the jug handle and wanted to be in the right lane. The problem was I couldn't see if anyone was coming to my right. I put on my blinker and slowly eased into the right lane. Right then a smart*** in a box truck laid on his horn and screamed: Why don't you watch where the f*** you're going!

He's now in front of me as we crossed over the 4 lane highway. Well, I guess he missed that yield sign and got t-boned by a loaded cement truck. It rolled him about 3 full turns as I came to a stop. I'm laughing so hard I couldn't' stand it. The truck ended up sideways on the driver's side as he crawled up and out the passenger door.

To this day I regret not yelling at him: Why don't you watch where the f*** you're going!

 

[eveled]

During a Christmas rush at Walmart, I was trying to drop my wife off at the door, but there was a traffic jam. She said I will walk from here and jumped out.

I started to back up to do a reverse 3 point turn. A moron thought I was trying to get into the only empty parking space. So he zipped behind me into the open space. Thinking he had stolen the space from me. Joke was on him. It wasn't an open space it was the carriage corral!

 

[Wyandot Jim]

At the time I had a pretty nice 1964 Galaxy 500. As I was returning to it after shopping in the mall, I saw a lady getting in the passenger side of a high dollar new car. When she opened her door, it hit my car and put a small ding in it. I was polite when I said to her to be more careful. The drivers nasty response was " She didn't hurt that old thing" WRONG thing to say. My door was made with a sharp strong point at the jam. Let's just say she had a REAL big ding in her door. Then I backed up a little and put in another 2-3 big dings in her new car while she was watching. Didn't hurt mine at all.

 

[gnappi]

"At the time I had a pretty nice 1964 Galaxy 500" Ah the MIB car!

 

[Watertender]

My dad had a Ford stake bed truck that one of our neighbor's dogs loved to chase. The truck had strap iron steps on the front and back of the bed. It was winter and the dog started chasing the truck. The dog tried to stop on the ice and couldn't. It was sitting down and sliding towards the back of the truck. The front strap iron step hit the dog in the head and spun it 180 degrees. It's tail went under the rear dual tires and the yelping noise was loud and long. The dog ran away with its long tail broken right next to its backside. We didn't see it for a week and the next time we saw it the tail was just a little stump. Every time after when that truck went down the road the dog ran as far away from the road as possible.

 

[Jeepnik]

My Jeep has 3" tube bumpers and nerf bars. I was parked in a lot waiting for my wife. A woman pulled in next to me and threw her door open. It slammed into the nerf bar putting a 3" crescent shaped dent in the edge of her door.

She went full on crazy, screaming that it was all my fault, the bars were illegal, etc. What I quit laughing I told her I wanted to exchange information so my insurance could contact hers.

She stomped off yelling she was going to call her husband. He never showed.

 

[contender]

One of the things a lot of us around here used to do was go downtown Lake Lure,, across from the beach,, and sit under the trees to hang out. There's a lot of paved, open space all around that area,, for parking & such. They have islands of grassy spots,, with trees planted in them. We'd usually back into a spot,, facing the road to watch the girls, traffic etc.
At one end of the beach is what's called "The Beach House" where the dressing rooms & entrance etc is. It sits next to a curve and the bridge that crosses over Pool Creek. The bridge is curved.
I was sitting on the hood of my truck,, there was a generous empty space,, (no lines to space cars, so the space was however much we chose to make it,) and then a buddy, "John" was sitting on his motorcycle with his back against the padded sissy bar, and his feet up over his gas tank.
Well, another friend of ours,, WELL known for his excellent driving ability,, "Bob" was spotted coming our way. As Bob entered the curved bridge,, he could see us sitting there. Bob was doing about 40-50 mph when he decided to join us. It was about 200-300 yds away when he decided to park BETWEEN us!
And did he park!
He threw his Laguna into a bootlegger,, and SLID backwards into the empty space! Perfectly! A very slick & hard move. I still wonder how his rear bumper didn't swipe John's bike.

Poor John,, he was frozen with fear,, and hadn't moved. He didn't have time. I looked over,, and John's eyes were closed. Bob got out and john said; "Bob,, if you ever do that again,, I'm gonna shoot you with the .38 Colt I bought off you!"
Then he got up, walked across the street to go to the bathroom!
Bob & I still chuckle about that one.

That's just ONE of the MANY adventures we've had around here. I've always said that Bob should have gone into Nascar,, he was that good.

 

[Brules]

I was with a friend late at night when we stopped at a Frisch's restaurant. He saw a newer Corvette parked in two parking spaces. He immediately told me to get out while he parked his older pickup so close, there was no way the owner could get in the drivers side door. We just laughed and laughed.

 

[Watertender]

I was with a friend late at night when we stopped at a Frisch's restaurant. He saw a newer Corvette parked in two parking spaces. He immediately told me to get out while he parked his older pickup so close, there was no way the owner could get in the drivers side door. We just laughed and laughed.

I like the drivers that take up 4 spots by parking over the center of them diagonally. They are just begging for a booger to get flicked on their cars

 

[Paul B]

When I lived in Nevada I'd take the side road to the turnoff to get to the airport.. About 200 yards from the entrance was a trailer house that held some rather anti-social people. Man and woman and a couple of scruffy kids. The people weren't a problem but their dogs were. O ne looked like a Husky and she was the leader of the pack. They chased every car coming and going from the airport.

At this time I was driving a VW bus with the 40 HP motor and that thing couldn't get out of its own way. I was headed ffor work with all the windows rolled down and the sliding door open as it was about 100 degrees and no A?C in that crate. Per usual the dogs started chasing me that that husky actually got into the bus through the open slider. I had my .22 pistol on the seat next to me and put one in that dog. She yelped and went back out the door. The next day was the start of my two days off so didn't think much about the dog But she was back Again it's hot and the bus is all opened up. I had my sepson's shotgun with me as a few cotton tail bunnies had shown up on the lawn. So I'm going down the road and that damn husky and her pack ae doing their thing. Now she's on the driver's side so I opened the door and gave her a load of #6s right in the snoot. Never had a problem with those dogs after that.

Sometime later I had cause to talk to that guy that lived in the trailer. He aid that someone had shot one of his dogs and he wanted to thank the,. Seems he wanted to do it himself but it was his wife's per and she wouldn't allow him doing the job. I just figured he as saying that in hopes that I would fess up. I know the guys I worked with figured it was me but they didn't snitch on me.

I've always wondered what might have happened if someone's car broke down and they had to walk past that place to reach the airport to use a phone?
Paul B.

 

[coach]

Does this count? I was driving an old VW bug and pulled into a gas station, left the car running, closed the door and then realized the door was locked. At the time the only thing I could think of was to break in through the wing window. So the station owner let me use an hacksaw and I cut the hinge rivet and opened it up. The hinge was easily fixed later with a small bolt.
The funny part was later I found out the lock on the door was broken and all you needed to do was insert anything in the lock and turn. That included a popsicle stick, a dime or any random piece of trash.

 

[Watertender]

A contractor that I know bought an old Thomas short bus for a work vehicle. He has a warped sense of humor so was driving the bus while wearing a hockey helmet. He pulled up at a traffic signal next to a Ford Fairmont with 2 old ladies in it. They looked up at him and he played it up big time. He stuck a finger up his nose and started digging for gold.... Then he licked the window! He said that they stared straight ahead and wouldn't look over at him again.

 

[NC FNS]

Not exactly a driving story, but close enough…. My parents always said never get a VW bug, they're dangerous because there is no engine in the front. Well, a neighborhood family had 3 boys a few years older than me, and they got a VW bug. 2 were in the car during a snowstorm, slid and collided head-on with another vehicle. One died, and the other, it was said at the time, would be a vegetable. Over the next few years, the "vegetable" made quite a miraculous recovery, and would be seen riding his bicycle a lot (was easy to spot, was usually shirtless with some sort of drainage tube on his back).
I was big into bike riding by then, and he and I started to ride together. One of his symptoms from the accident was not having a filter when words came out his mouth. One day we rode to the beach, and were laying on our towels watching the girls walk by. By golly, every single thought I had came right out of his mouth! I was so embarrassed.

 

[gnappi]

I've never had a serious head injury and my son says I have no filters and I think he's right.

About that and cars...

I was overseas and my third level boss (2 management levels above my immediate boss) was on a junket there. She asked me to drive her to Helsinki to pick up a rental car, I drove her to the airport to the rental agency, asked if there was anything else I could do and I was promptly dismissed so I took off for the city.

When I got back to the hotel that night there was a STACK of sticky notes from her saying "CALL ME". Well in the 80's nobody had a cell phone and on the weekend I didn't check messages at my hotel so I called her room and she hung up in my face saying, "stay there, I'm coming down".

She RAN out of the elevator to me and said that I left her STRANDED at the airport because she couldn't accept the rental she reserved, and I asked her if the car was broken and if they were out of substitute cars. She almost yelled (in the crowded lobby of English speaking Finns) They had LOTS of cars but these idiots do no have ONE with an automatic! I said, "I'm sorry bout your not being able to drive" Then she YELLED "I most certainly CAN drive" and I said "Lady if you can't drive a manual transmission you can't drive".

Turning red she said, "Well you're just going to HAVE to drive me around for the next two weeks how do you feel about THAT?.

Then to top it all off I told her "Nope, I will not be driving you ANYWHERE on my time, take a taxi where you want to go. For company business I'll take you to the manufacturing plant and employee dinners but that's it". Then she ranted how the company was paying for the car... she was my boss... I HAD to do what she said... " and I told her that the company could not direct me what to do on MY time period!

If she had a gun, she would have shot me.

When I got back to the States it was all around the company how I stood up to her and it didn't affect my position in the least because unlike her I had contacts waayyy up higher than her pay grade

 

[eveled]

A contractor that I know bought an old Thomas short bus for a work vehicle. He has a warped sense of humor so was driving the bus while wearing a hockey helmet. He pulled up at a traffic signal next to a Ford Fairmont with 2 old ladies in it. They looked up at him and he played it up big time. He stuck a finger up his nose and started digging for gold.... Then he licked the window! He said that they stared straight ahead and wouldn't look over at him again.

. The short bus kids wearing hockey helmets! I told my kids about that and they didn't believe me.

Funny thing is I always thought there were a lot of hockey fans at my school. Then I realized they were all special. Then I wondered if all hockey fans were special.

I had the same idea for a work truck and hockey helmet. I was going to call my business "Special Ed's"

 

[Colonialgirl]

AAAHHH YES, The VW "BUG". I worked with a guy and he talked e and three friends were driving around in a VW Bug, took a corner too quickly and it rolled over on its top. He and friends got out and were standing around it when an old lady came out of her house and yelled she was calling the POLICE! and went back inside. The FOUR of them quickly rolled the VW back up right, jumped in took off !!
Had an engine problem with a VW and take in to the dealer ? NO LOANER auto, they dropped your engine out and installed a "LOANER ENGINE" while yours was repaired !!

 

[Jeepnik]

Another ditzy female driver story. Same Jeep. I was headed to a Sears store during the Christmas rush. Traffic on the streets was a mess. Traffic in front of me had stopped. Just after I stopped I felt a slight jolt. Looking in the mirrors I couldn't see anything so I went back to watching traffic. A bottle blonde came up to my window and screamed "why did you stop". At this point I got out and found her little red X19 had hit the rear of my Jeep.

As her tirade continued she said she was going to call the cops, husband and likely the USMC. Once I got a handle on what had happened I advised her to call the cops (pre cell phone days) and I would wait right there. She finally settled for exchanging information. When this was complete she ask how I was going to get her car unstuck. She had hit the spare tire on the rear of the Jeep. The nose of the X19 had slid under the tire and was wedged leaving a nice black rubber streak on the hood.

My mood was blackening so I told her "you put it there, you figure out how to get it out. By this time a small group had accumulated to watch the festivities. Literally stomping her foot she got back into her car, put it in reverse and proceeded to stomp on the gas pedal. Other than some smoke from the tires no movement was observed. About this time a Torrance PD cop showed up.

It was pretty obvious what happened and as she screamed at the cop it was all my fault and I wouldn't help her get her car unstuck. Don't yell at cops, especially Torrance PD cops back then. He cited her and then ask me if I could please move my Jeep so he could clear the street. Took about two seconds to drive forward releasing her car.

When I got home I called my insurance agent (a guy I had gone to high school with) and related all the information. After a good laugh he wanted to know what he should claim for damage to my Jeep. The only thing I could come up with was excess tire wear from the lost rubber.

Side note. My jeep was gray from the factory. one of the first things I did was mount the spare on a rear tire/gas can carrier. In total it was rear ended four times and every time the other driver claimed they didn't see me. With the exception of the ditzy bottle blonde all the folks involved were polite and apologetic. I finally painted it bright red and no one has hit it since.