2018 Darwin Award Winners

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Colonialgirl

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2018 Darwin Awards



Eighth Place:

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.


Seventh Place:

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place:

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.



Fifth Place:

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place:

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place:

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired.

The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.



HONORABLE MENTION:

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS:

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs, and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves ....

'Excrement happens’.


IT IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
 

Jimbo357mag

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Colonialgirl said:
IT IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
Except for the guy that only lost his foot. :roll:

I once heard of a guy that committed suicide by tying a rope around his neck and then anchoring it to an immovable object and then driving off in a convertible. :roll:
 

Colonialgirl

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Jimbo357mag said:
Colonialgirl said:
IT IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
Except for the guy that only lost his foot. :roll:

I once heard of a guy that committed suicide by tying a rope around his neck and then anchoring it to an immovable object and then driving off in a convertible. :roll:

Well, That's why he was a RUNNER UP Jimbo; Too incompetent to do the job right !!
 

Pat-inCO

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In the AZ oven (Phoenix basin)
The one I remember from way back was an idiot (drunk goes without
saying) decided to see how fast he could get his Chevy going (drag strip)
in a quarter mile. He tried several times and was not satisfied with the
results. I'll also mention that the road was a bit over a half mile to a bend
in the road to avoid a small mountain.

This being a Darwin, I'll bet you can think of several options. His was to
use some spare JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) bottles. He fabricated some
mounts (my memory does not retain the details) and put the JATO units
on. Hit the accelerator and then activated the JATOs. Do remember that
once activated, a JATO unit goes until it runs out of fuel.

His car was found, in the morning, lodged about twenty feet up in the hill
at the bend of the road. The estimate was that he was traveling well in
excess of 200mph on impact.

Shows to go you[sic], it isn't speed that kills, just sudden deceleration. :roll:

:D
 

Uncle Howie

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32shooter

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I read a good one in the newspaper today. A woman stuck her head up a tailpipe and proceeded to get it stuck. Alcohol was believed to have been involved. :shock: :shock: :roll: http://www.foxnews.com/auto/2018/06/14/teen-gets-head-stuck-in-exhaust-pipe-at-country-music-festival.html
 

Colonialgirl

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Uncle Howie said:
Seemed strange to me that the 2018 Darwin Awards would have been awarded less than halfway through the year, so I checked http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2018.html.

There didn’t seem to be much correlation with the post, so I checked the “Winner” over at https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/feces-of-death/.

It seems that not only does the story appear to be untrue, it’s OVER TWENTY YEARS OLD!

That story is from way back in the 1900s! :mrgreen:

So what it is STILL funny and who gives a rats rear end about what Snopes says or doesn't says. Bunch of leftists.
 

Jimbo357mag

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Pat-inCO said:
Colonialgirl said:
So what it is STILL funny and who gives a rats rear end about what
Snopes says or doesn't says. Bunch of leftists.
:D Now, now CG. Just think. Snopes went from a "verifiable source"
to comic relief, in a very short time. :roll: . :D :D
I think the right has it's own fantasy world. :D
 

Uncle Howie

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Colonialgirl said:
Uncle Howie said:
Seemed strange to me that the 2018 Darwin Awards would have been awarded less than halfway through the year, so I checked http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2018.html.

There didn’t seem to be much correlation with the post, so I checked the “Winner” over at https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/feces-of-death/.

It seems that not only does the story appear to be untrue, it’s OVER TWENTY YEARS OLD!

That story is from way back in the 1900s! :mrgreen:

So what it is STILL funny and who gives a rats rear end about what Snopes says or doesn't says. Bunch of leftists.

It may (or may not) be funny, but it’s also apparently a 20 year-old work of fiction.

My understanding of the Darwin Awards is that they are given for events that actually happened, as opposed to being a literary prize for the best fictional short story. :roll:

If I were the original poster, I wouldn’t mind someone drawing it to my attention that I was presenting a work of fiction as having actually occurred. In fact, assuming it was tactfully done (which was my intent), I’d very much appreciate it...

I’m not sure how their primary purpose of debunking urban legends makes Snopes a “Bunch of leftists.” I don’t get my “news” from Snopes, but I’m not opposed to checking in with their angle on outlandish “news” stories.

Gotta go, my favorite news source is reporting on a child sex trafficking ring, run out of a D.C. pizza parlor... sounds legit! :mrgreen:
 

toysoldier

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My all-time favorite is from many years back. A man was found dead in the exhaust vent over the grill at a restaurent. Police theorize that he had used the vent to attempt to enter and rob the restaurant shortly after closing. The coroner ruled that the would-be burglar died of asphyxiation when he slipped in the greasy vent and got caught with his arm across his throat, choking himself to death---but not before his feet were cooked in the deep fryer, which had been shut down only minutes before.
 

Colonialgirl

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Wesley Chapel, Florida
Jimbo357mag said:
Pat-inCO said:
Colonialgirl said:
So what it is STILL funny and who gives a rats rear end about what
Snopes says or doesn't says. Bunch of leftists.
:D Now, now CG. Just think. Snopes went from a "verifiable source"
to comic relief, in a very short time. :roll: . :D :D
I think the right has it's own fantasy world. :D

Only in your imagination.
 

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