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 Post subject: Joke of the Day......
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 3:49 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2004 1:01 am
Posts: 9751
Location: Memphis, TN USA
A young Baptist preacher was standing out in his yard when he saw a boy coming down the sidewalk pushing a lawn mower. The boy stopped and asked the preacher if he wanted to buy a lawn mower.

"Well, I could use one," but don't have the money right now.

"Maybe we could trade," responded the boy.

"Like what?" asked the preacher.

"How about that ten speed bike in your garage?"

"Well, Son, you've got a deal, but first, does that run?" asked the preacher.

"Yes, Sir, runs fine!" said the boy.

Well trade was made, the boy rode off on his "new" bike and the preacher gassed up his "new" lawn mower. Later the preacher went to mow the lawn. Gassed up, he pulled the starter rope.

"BRAPP....put, put. Bruppp...put put phew." said the lawn mower, mpre than a few times.

The boy happened by. "I thought you said this thing runs fine," quoth the preacher.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. To get it started, you have to cuss it good first," said the boy.

"I'm a Baptist preacher. I don't cuss, don't even know how," said the preacher.


"Just keep pulling on that rope, You'll learn" said the boy.


Bob Wright


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:23 pm 
Hunter

Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 1:58 pm
Posts: 4798
Location: utah
A cowboy bought a horse from a baptist. The baptist told him he had trained the horse to start off when he said "Thank God". The horse would stop when he said "Praise God". Soon the horse was running towards a cliff. The cowboy was hollering whoa and everything else he could think of. Finally he remembered to say Praise God and the horse skidded to a halt near the shear cliff. The cowboy took off his hat and wiped his brow and said, Thank God!


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 6:38 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:01 am
Posts: 14818
Location: Woodbury, Tn
bogus bill wrote:
A cowboy bought a horse from a baptist. The baptist told him he had trained the horse to start off when he said "Thank God". The horse would stop when he said "Praise God". Soon the horse was running towards a cliff. The cowboy was hollering whoa and everything else he could think of. Finally he remembered to say Praise God and the horse skidded to a halt near the shear cliff. The cowboy took off his hat and wiped his brow and said, Thank God!

Ooops! :oops:
gramps

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:09 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:07 pm
Posts: 16358
Location: Wesley Chapel, Florida
Borrowed to be shared with my email list !!

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 6:22 am 
Buckeye

Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2010 10:22 am
Posts: 1125
Location: Kentucky
If you are going to take a Baptist fishing, take 2.

They will keep an eye on one another. Just the one by himself will drink all your beer.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 6:16 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 1:01 am
Posts: 6515
Location: Hutchinson, KS USA
To quote Mark Twain:
"Baptists are like tomcats. You know they're out there raisin' hell, but you can't catch them at it."

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...a sword never kills anybody, it is a tool in the killer's hand. Lucius Amadeus Seneca


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 6:58 pm 
Hunter

Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 1:58 pm
Posts: 4798
Location: utah
There used to be a old saying, if you find four baptists together, often you can find a fifth.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2019 5:03 am 
Hawkeye
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2005 2:01 am
Posts: 14237
Location: Greenville, SC: USA
You know why Baptist can't have sex standing up?

It might look like they are dancing.....

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CSIA #599 DCS

"Don't ever think the reason I'm peaceful
is because I don't know how to be violent."

"I'd rather Die while I'm Living than live while I'm Dead"... Jimmy Buffet


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:46 am 
Hunter

Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:01 am
Posts: 3698
Location: Jacksonville, Maryland
I’m not going to bust on Baptists, but other than cracking my head on a low beam in basement, trying to start a lawnmower that doesn’t want to is a sure way to get me cussing.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2019 5:26 pm 
Bearcat

Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2016 6:33 pm
Posts: 51
The difference in the Catholic and the Baptist is the Catholic will speak to you when they see you in the liquor store.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:26 am 
Buckeye
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Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:01 am
Posts: 1283
Location: Florida
Arthr Itis wrote:
The difference in the Catholic and the Baptist is the Catholic will speak to you when they see you in the liquor store.

Yes, it's all about The Christian Brothers.

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Any man who is under 30, & is not a liberal, has no heart & any man who is over 30, & is not a conservative, has no brains." Winston Churchill
"Never have so many done so little with so much."
Ignorance, hate, fear and bigotry. The Four Horsemen of Liberalism.
I Pledge Allegiance Not Thoughtless Obedience


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:57 am 
Hunter
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Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:01 am
Posts: 3781
Location: State College, PA, USA
pyth0n wrote:
Arthr Itis wrote:
The difference in the Catholic and the Baptist is the Catholic will speak to you when they see you in the liquor store.

Yes, it's all about The Christian Brothers.



:D :D I saw what you did there :D :D

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USAF Retired E-8
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 12:30 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2004 2:01 am
Posts: 10769
Location: Rugerville, AZ
I was raised a New England Baptist, not a Southern Baptist.
The difference? NE Baptists are allowed to dance (and put ice in their drinks).

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Its a Right. A Civil Right. Not a permit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ATF_gunwalking_scandal

PC = Political Submission


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:17 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2004 1:01 am
Posts: 9751
Location: Memphis, TN USA
mohavesam wrote:
I was raised a New England Baptist, not a Southern Baptist.
The difference? NE Baptists are allowed to dance (and put ice in their drinks).


For the record, I am Fundamental Independent Baptist, not Southern Baptist.


Bob Wright


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 2:15 am 
Hunter

Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:12 pm
Posts: 4134
I have always wondered why us Christians can’t all get together. I suspect it has more to do with the leadership of the various churches not wanting to give up their power and money. Than with differences in ideology.

Sad that we can’t all be united.

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