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PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 6:08 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:07 pm
Posts: 16306
Location: Wesley Chapel, Florida
Hallmark cards you won't see



1. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire .. I noticed your cat. Sorry!

3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend. Here's a bouquet of flowers ... and a box of Depends.

4. Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be. But don't fret about it ... She moved in with me.

5. Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder ... What the hell was I thinking?

6. Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.

7. How could two people as beautiful as you ... Have such an ugly baby?

8. I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you ... I've changed my mind.

9. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life .. I never believed in Hell till I met you.

10. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am ... that you're not here to ruin it for me.

11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ... would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

12. Someday I hope to get married ... but not to you.

13. Happy birthday! You look great for your age ... Almost Lifelike!

14. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

15. I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

16. We have been friends for a very long time ... let's say we stop?

17. I'm so miserable without you ... it's almost like you're here.

18. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?

19. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

20. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Alabama, Arkansas and Mississippi)

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 6:39 pm 
Hawkeye
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Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2009 7:33 pm
Posts: 7106
Location: China Spring TX
I will not think you would see this one:

Money's tight, times are hard here's your F______ Christmas Card!

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Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. If it’s unendurable . . . then stop complaining. Your destruction will mean its end as well.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 7:37 pm 
Hunter

Joined: Mon Jun 19, 2006 1:01 am
Posts: 4808
Location: Midwest Illinois
LOL

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 7:51 pm 
Ruger Guru

Joined: Wed Sep 18, 2002 1:01 am
Posts: 35617
Location: Lake Lure NC USA
:D :D :D

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Shoot straight and safe!

" A fine is a tax for doing wrong,
and a tax is a fine for doing
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 7:51 pm 
Hawkeye
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Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 1:01 am
Posts: 9303
Location: Richmond Texas USA
:) :) :) :) :)


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 8:15 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 2:01 am
Posts: 14955
Location: Alaska, Idaho USA
:D :D :D Stolen and shared.

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WELFARE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A CAREER OPPORTUNITY
"Gun control: The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her panty hose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound." —


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2019 8:01 am 
Hunter
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Joined: Mon Mar 18, 2002 2:01 am
Posts: 4167
Location: Idaho
:lol: :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:56 am 
Hawkeye

Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2004 2:01 am
Posts: 10693
Location: Rugerville, AZ
Oldie but still a chuckle...

Add Kentucky and Chicago to #20. :wink:

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2019 10:31 am 
Hawkeye

Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:01 am
Posts: 14708
Location: Woodbury, Tn
Bear Paw Jack wrote:
:D :D :D Stolen and shared.

Yep! Many of them are so TRUE! I would love to share specific ones with certain people, but I would probably end up in court! :shock: :oops:
gramps

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2019 10:38 am 
Hawkeye

Joined: Thu Oct 26, 2006 1:01 am
Posts: 14708
Location: Woodbury, Tn
“20. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Alabama, Arkansas and Mississippi)”. :shock: They left out Georgia, Kentucky, and WV! :oops: :P
gramps

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2019 2:03 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2007 3:17 pm
Posts: 17714
Location: Kentucky
#20 Add Rugerville, AZ and Woodbury, TN.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 8:32 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Wed Aug 23, 2006 1:01 am
Posts: 6491
Location: Hutchinson, KS USA
#20 Don't forget the Missouri Ozarks!

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...a sword never kills anybody, it is a tool in the killer's hand. Lucius Amadeus Seneca


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 9:27 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 2:01 am
Posts: 14955
Location: Alaska, Idaho USA
WendyZXZ wrote:
I will not think you would see this one:

Money's tight, times are hard here's your F______ Christmas Card!


I think you are probably right Wendy!!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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"Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical." (Yogi Berra)
USMC Life Member
WELFARE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A CAREER OPPORTUNITY
"Gun control: The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her panty hose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound." —


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2019 9:59 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Sun Mar 10, 2002 2:01 am
Posts: 16651
Location: Redlands CA USA
WendyZXZ wrote:
I will not think you would see this one:

Money's tight, times are hard here's your F______ Christmas Card!


Hi,

I have seen that one, Wendy, but not in a Hallmark store. There used to be a corner liquor store around here, 75 yrs old or so. They had the best collection of off color cards you could imagine! Including that one... ;)

Rick C

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It would seem that iron is rusting through...


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2019 6:59 am 
Hawkeye
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Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2007 2:01 am
Posts: 14909
Location: So. Florida
I would like to see the pictures that go with some of those cards. :D

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