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 Post subject: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 11:09 am 
Hawkeye

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:07 pm
Posts: 16258
Location: Wesley Chapel, Florida
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: I love the last one!

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water. ‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours’

_________________
PJSD


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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 11:29 am 
Hawkeye
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Joined: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:48 pm
Posts: 12813
Location: Webster, MD.
These WILL be passed on. Proof reading is a lost art.

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Frank
67Z5MA2 Retired
NRA
Ruger Owners & Collectors Society
Maryland Shall Issue

No matter what life throws at you, NEVER ring the bell.
"Do or do not; there is no try." (Yoda)


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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 12:44 pm 
Hunter
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Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2013 4:31 pm
Posts: 2474
Location: Chama, NM-Our little piece of Heaven.
LOL :D :D :D :D !

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'Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.'— C. H. Spurgeon
I support 2A because when seconds count police are only minutes away...


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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 7:28 pm 
Ruger Guru

Joined: Wed Sep 18, 2002 1:01 am
Posts: 35492
Location: Lake Lure NC USA
:D :D :D

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Shoot straight and safe!

" A fine is a tax for doing wrong,
and a tax is a fine for doing
right! "
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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2019 5:23 am 
Hawkeye

Joined: Tue Dec 25, 2007 8:11 pm
Posts: 6993
Location: missouri
It's not what you said, it's what you meant.

That's what my Grandma used to say.

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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2019 5:56 am 
Hawkeye
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Joined: Sat Nov 23, 2013 8:28 am
Posts: 13062
Location: Monroe County, MS
You owe me a new keyboard and monitor. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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In the dimness of the shadows
Where we hairy heathens warred,
I can taste in thought the lifeblood;
We used teeth before the sword.


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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 4:29 am 
Hawkeye
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Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 1:01 am
Posts: 8704
Location: Piney Woods of Northwest Florida
Funniest stuff Ive red all day!


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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2019 12:26 pm 
Hunter
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Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 2:01 am
Posts: 2714
Location: Alabama Gulf Coast
Good ones! :D :D :D

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The more a feller's got on his mind, the less time he's got to think on any one thing. (Festus Haggen)


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 Post subject: Re: Church Bulletins
PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2019 7:32 pm 
Blackhawk

Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2009 10:16 pm
Posts: 508
Location: NC
These will be shared, and they validate the importance of proof reading.

Jim


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