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 Post subject: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2019 9:10 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2001 2:01 am
Posts: 15449
Location: Alaska, Idaho USA
Man brings his dog into a bar and says he has a talking dog. Not believed, he says he'll bet $50.00 that he can. The bar tender takes him up on the bet. "Tell them, Spot, who's the best baseball player of all time." Spot responds, "Roof." "There, you heard him. He said it was Babe Ruth. Now pay me my $50.00." The bar tender calls BS, demands his $50.00 and unceremoniously tosses him and his dog out the door. On their way home the dog turns to his master and asks, "Should I have said Mickey Mantle?"

****************************************************

Guy sees a sign in the yard of a farm house, "Talking Dog - $10". Intrigued, he drives up to the house and asks the farmer if his dog really could talk. So the farmer turns to the dog and says, "Jake, tell the man about yourself."

So Jake, the dog, says to the man. "Well, I started out as a bomb sniffing dog in the military and did two deployments to Iraq. I discovered dozens of IED's and saved the lives of my unit countless times. After I retired from that I became a rescue dog, finding victims of earthquakes and so forth. I've been to Turkey, China and Japan and personally found over fifty people trapped beneath rubble. Now that I'm getting older my master has me at stud and I get $1000 per session. My pups have won over 25 regional and national championships."

The man looks at the farmer incredulously and says, "this dog is amazing! Why are you selling him for only $10?!"

The farmer leans in toward the man and whispers to him, "he's a compulsive liar, he ain't never done any of them things...."

*****************************************************

A traveling salesman goes up to a farmhouse where a dog and cat are sitting on the front porch. The salesman reaches down and scratches the dog's ears and says, "how are you, fella?" The dog looks at him and says, "I'm fine, how are you?"

The salesman is flabbergasted at seeing a talking dog and asks him to say something else. So the dog replies, "What do you want me to talk about? Weather's been good, we're getting enough rain and the crops are healthy." Then he gets up and says, " well, it's been nice chatting with you but I hear my master calling", and he trots off.

At that moment the farmer opens his front door and the salesman is still shaken up. He says to the farmer "I can't believe it! You have a talking dog! You should go into show business, you could make a million dollars!"

The farmer just shakes his head and smiles. "Did they pull that joke on you, too? Mister, that dog can't talk. The cat's a ventriloquist..."

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:07 pm 
Hunter
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Joined: Fri Mar 22, 2013 4:31 pm
Posts: 2565
Location: Chama, NM-Our little piece of Heaven.
:D :D :D :D

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:27 am 
Buckeye

Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:01 am
Posts: 1625
Location: wtn ct usa
I luv them :lol: :lol: :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2019 2:10 pm 
Buckeye
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Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:33 am
Posts: 1196
Location: Kansas
Years ago, I used to carry a pocket watch and I got a lab puppy. In the late evenings I would call the pup to me, pull out the watch and show it to him, then take him into the bedroom to sleep for the night. After several months it got to the point I could call the pup, show him the watch and he would go to his bed.
I had a real smart a$$ next door neighbor at the time and was talking to him one evening, and the subject of dogs came up. In the course of the conversation, he commented that he thought my dog was sort of dumb. I told him the puppy was smart, could tell time, knew his bedtime and that I could prove it. He scoffed at the idea, so I asked him in and called the puppy, showed the pup the watch and off to bed he went. The neighbor was amazed and went home shaking his head and muttering under his breath.
I never let on how much time I spent training that trick to the dog.

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Thu Aug 22, 2019 11:10 pm 
Ruger Guru

Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2003 1:01 am
Posts: 12142
Location: Near North Woods,MINN, USA
Absolutely love these.Thanks so much! :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 1:05 pm 
Hawkeye
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Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2005 2:01 am
Posts: 6755
Location: On the beach and in the hills
Yea, but the only one that was true was the one about the cat. :P

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 6:27 pm 
Buckeye
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Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:33 am
Posts: 1196
Location: Kansas
Jeepnik wrote:
Yea, but the only one that was true was the one about the cat. :P

Nope, mine's true

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 6:43 pm 
Hawkeye

Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:07 pm
Posts: 16535
Location: Wesley Chapel, Florida
Loved them all and sending them to others to enjoy !!

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2019 4:29 am 
Ruger Guru

Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2003 1:01 am
Posts: 12142
Location: Near North Woods,MINN, USA
PLEASE..........We need more of these! :wink: 8)

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2019 5:07 am 
Hunter

Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:12 pm
Posts: 4197
Bear Paw Jack wrote:
Man brings his dog into a bar and says he has a talking dog. Not believed, he says he'll bet $50.00 that he can. The bar tender takes him up on the bet.

(Spot what’s on top of the building? Spot responds “Roof”,, the bartender feeling he’s been had starts to throw them out. The man says “come on give him a second chance”)

"Tell them, Spot, who's the best baseball player of all time." Spot responds, "Roof." "There, you heard him. He said it was Babe Ruth. Now pay me my $50.00." The bar tender calls BS, demands his $50.00 and unceremoniously tosses him and his dog out the door. On their way home the dog turns to his master and asks, "Should I have said Mickey Mantle?"



Edited to add to the joke. I hope nobody minds. (Inside the parenthesis is mine)

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 Post subject: Re: Talking Dogs...
PostPosted: Wed Oct 02, 2019 10:25 am 
Hawkeye

Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2007 3:17 pm
Posts: 18276
Location: Kentucky
Man brings his dog into a bar and says he has a talking dog. Not believed, he says he'll bet $50.00 that he can. The bar tender takes him up on the bet.

"Spot what’s on top of the building?" Spot responds “Roof”.

"There, you heard him. He said it was roof. Now pay me my $50.00." The bar tender calls BS, demands his $50.00 and unceremoniously tosses him and his dog out the door.

On their way home the dog turns to his master and asks, "Should I have said shingles?"

(Not as funny, perhaps, but still . . .)

:wink:

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